Winged phrases of the Jews. Jewish humor: quotes. Funny Jewish jokes
The Jewish people are wise from God. The shrewd mind of the Jews is legendary, and for good reason. Witty proverbs and sayings of the "Children of Moses" help to better understand the wisdom of this world.
God looks first into our hearts, and then into our brains. Jewish proverb
God is subtle, but He is not malicious. A. Einstein
From a distance, all people are good.
The world will disappear not because there are many people, but because there are many non-humans.
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Gray hair is a sign of old age, not wisdom.
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To be a beggar is not a disgrace, but that is the only thing good that can be said about begging. Jewish proverb
God protects the poor at least from costly sins.
There is nothing worse than elusive happiness. Jewish proverb
If charity cost nothing, everyone would be a philanthropist.
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Be afraid of time even when it smiles at you. I.Zabara
Fear only God and the one who does not fear Him. I.Lazerov
Money is not as good as bad without it.
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Adam is the first lucky one because he didn't have a mother-in-law.
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Poverty is from God, but dirt is not. Jewish proverb, Eastern Europe
The poor are always liberals. Jewish proverb
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Beware of those who promise something for nothing. Moses Baruch
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Piety, especially Jewish piety, honors a small, small person, a small deed, a small task, a small duty. Through this little religion knows the great. L. Back
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God looks first into our hearts, and then into our brains. Jewish proverb
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If a problem can be solved with money, it's not a problem - it's a cost.
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God gave man two ears and one mouth so that he would listen more and talk less.
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May God save you from bad women, save yourself from good ones!
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The wine came in, the mystery came out.
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In our time, the Jew has only one choice: either become a Zionist, or cease to be a Jew. Crossman
In a man overflowing with himself, there is no place for God. Baal Shem Tov, founder of Hasidism
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Faith in the impossible does not bring happiness. Albo
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A cheerful person is always right. Babel
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War never ends with war. S. Wise
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The East is a true trickster; he reveres maniacs as prophets, but we look at prophets as maniacs. Heine
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God cannot be everywhere at the same time - that's why he created mothers.
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Don't be sweet or you'll be eaten. Don't be bitter or they'll spit you out.
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Fear the goat from the front, the horse from behind, the fool from all sides.
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The art of survival lies in the art of lying to oneself, lying heroically, endlessly, creatively. Feelings lie to the mind, the mind lies to the feelings. The seeker of truth is a liar: he seeks happiness, not truth. De Casseret
Truth may walk naked, but lies always need clothes. Jewish proverb
Truth illuminates, but it is money that warms. Jewish proverb
Truths and girls are good as long as they don't know they're good. Berne
History teaches us truth, nature teaches vices. Berne
Everyone loves alone, just as everyone prays alone. Varnhagen
When a tormentor fights a chimney sweep, the tormentor turns black with soot, and the chimney sweep looks cleaner. Jewish proverb
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Whoever does not do more than he is obliged, does not do, therefore, what he is obliged to do. bohya
Who is smart? Who learns from everyone. Ben Zoma
It is easier to imagine a Jew without exile than an exile without a Jew. Sh. Levin
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It is better to talk to a woman and think about God than vice versa. Jewish proverb
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Better a Jew without a beard than a beard without a Jew. Jewish proverb
Love me less but longer. Jewish proverb
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Any translation is a comment. L. Back
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Prudent people never wish for themselves what they would not wish for all mankind. Spinoza
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People lie out of helplessness. M.Ibn Ezra
The people are always funnier than a man. Parker
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A people who cannot sleep and does not allow anyone to sleep. Singer
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A nation is a community of people who, through a common destiny, acquire a single character. O. Bauer
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Our trouble is that we consider other people's shortcomings to be our own virtues. Svetlov
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Do not be inquisitive about what you can do without: remember that you know more than you can understand. Apocrypha
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People never sacrifice themselves for the sake of understandable things: only under the power of love do they move mountains. Baron
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People make mistakes not because they mistakenly think they know, but because they think others don't know. Sholom Aleichem
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Memoirs are easy to write only when memory fails. Schnitzler
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Each person is like a letter in the alphabet: in order to form a word, one must merge with others. Mandelstam
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When God wants to break a man's heart, He gives him more intelligence. Jewish proverb
Don't ask God questions about God. Jewish proverb
When sadness comes to the world, Israel is the first to feel it. When the first ray breaks, Israel is the first to see it. Talmud
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When asked to define the mind, I answer: "If you have it, you know what it is; if you don't have it, no explanation will help." Newmark
The guest and the fish begin to smell after three days.
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Knowledge does not take up much space.
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Better a Jew without a beard than a beard without a Jew.
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A person should live at least for the sake of curiosity.
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The enemy must be forgiven only after he is hanged. G. Heine
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A doctor who does not take a fee does not deserve it. Babylonian Talmud
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All peoples can be divided into two categories: those who expelled the Jews and those who did not let them in. H. Weizmann
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Everyone is grieving about something: one that he does not have enough diamonds, the other that there are not enough beans in the soup. Jewish proverb
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Everything is predetermined, but freedom is given; the world is judged according to goodness, but everything depends on the majority of deeds. Rabbi Akiva
The deaf man heard the dumb man say that the blind man saw the lame man run very fast.
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When an old maid marries, she immediately turns into a young wife.
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If you sin, then at least enjoy the sin. Jewish proverb
If you drop the gold and the book, pick up the book first. Jewish proverb
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If you want to hang yourself, choose at least a taller tree. Rabbi Akiva (?)
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If a person doesn't get bigger, he gets smaller. Rabbi Hillel Senior
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Women lie even when they are silent. Jewish proverb
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Life is short, work is endless. Halevi
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Life is too short to even be small. A. Morua
Knowledge that is paid for is remembered longer. Rabbi Nachman of Braslav
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And the Lord saw that the corruption of men on earth was great, and that all the thoughts and thoughts of their hearts were evil at all times. And the Lord repented that he had created man on earth and indulged in sorrow. Bible - Genesis 6:5-6
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From your opinion of others, we learn the opinion of others about you. Ibn Ezra
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Of the two quarreling rights, the one who falls silent first. Talmud - Treatise Ktubot 71B
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People do very little out of love. More out of hate. But most of the things they do out of indifference. Ford
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It is the sinner who brings disaster to the earth, but the first victim of disaster is always the righteous. Johanan b. Napaha - Talmud, Treatise Bava Kama, 60a
Parents teach children to talk, children of parents teach to be silent.
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Maybe eggs are a lot smarter than chickens, but they go rancid quickly.
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Men would do more if women talked less.
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It is more difficult to be well silent than to speak well.
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Any passion that leaves room for savoring and thinking is not a strong passion. M. Montaigne
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Where sin has happened, there will be judgment. Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman (Ramban)
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The hero despises this world, while the weak honors it. M. Ibn Ezra
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The deepest truth is the product of the deepest love. G. Heine
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I tell you a secret: we will not all die, but we will all change. bible(?)
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Woe to him whom no one loves, but beware of him whom everyone loves. Jewish proverb
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God! You help even those I don't know. Why don't you help me? Jewish proverb
A bad wife is worse than rain: the rain drives you into the house, and the bad wife drives you out of it.
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Lord, help me get on my feet - I can fall myself.
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The Jew is born old. Leroy Bulew
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A Jew, finding himself alone on a desert island, will most likely build two synagogues: he will build the second in order not to attend it. Jewish proverb
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If God truly loved Man, he would hardly have created Adam. Jewish proverb
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If the rich could hire beggars to die for them, the beggars would make good money. Sholom Aleichem
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If suddenly the angels revealed to me all the secrets of our Torah, I would not be very happy, because study is more important than knowledge. Elia Gaon
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If the horse had something to say, it would say. Jewish proverb
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If people guessed what others think of them, they killed each other. Jewish proverb
If life does not change for the better, wait - it will change for the worse.
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No matter how sweet love is, you can’t cook compote from it.
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A house without laughter is a house without love. Gordon
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The fool blames others; the smart one blames himself; the wise do not blame anyone, for he is pious. S. Gabirol
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Fools are refuted by facts, not arguments. Josephus Flavius
Jews are hated for their virtues, not their vices. Herzl
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Jews do not keep women's monasteries. Jewish proverb
When there is nothing to do, they take on great things.
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In choosing between two evils, the pessimist will choose both.
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Everyone complains about the lack of money, but no one complains about the lack of intelligence.
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If my brother is a thief, then they will not execute my brother, but the thief. Jewish proverb
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Even if for the good deeds of a person hell awaited, and for the bad deeds - paradise, then in this case it would be preferable to do good. Lipkin
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If you sincerely want to give alms, the Lord will take care of the money. Isaac Napaha
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If you do not raise your son as a Jew, you are depriving him of a power that cannot be replaced by anything. Freud
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If your good is at your fingertips, you are its owner; if far away - you are a slave to him. Ben Sira
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If life doesn't change for the better, wait, it will change for the worse. Jewish proverb
If life doesn't get better, maybe it gets worse. Jewish proverb
If my theory of relativity is successfully proven, Germany will declare me a German and France a citizen of the universe. If this theory turns out to be wrong, France will declare that I am a German, and Germany will announce to the world that I am a Jew. A. Einstein
Those who do not have children bring them up well.
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It is better to die of laughter than of fear.
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If there are only two Jews left in the world, one of them will read a sermon in the synagogue, and the other will listen to it. Jewish proverb
If you do not give to Jacob, then you give to Esau. Jewish proverb
If you don't open the door for a beggar, you'll have to open it to the doctor. Jewish proverb
If the hour has not struck, even the doctor will not kill you. pearlstein
If your deeds exceed your knowledge, then your knowledge is valuable; if your knowledge is higher than your deeds, then they are useless. Khanina b. Dosa
If they tell you: "They searched, but did not find," do not believe; if they tell you: "They didn't look for it, but they found it," don't believe it; if they say to you: "We searched and found," believe it. Talmud
If one keeps talking about peace, it will lead to war just as inevitably as if talking about war. Feuchtwanger
If you see a wise man conversing with a fool, know that two fools are talking. Jewish proverb
Experience is the word people call their mistakes.
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Aging, a person sees worse, but more.
Don't worry about tomorrow; fix what happened yesterday. Jewish proverb
A submissive wife commands her husband. B. Disraeli. I agree with all this !
: A Jew will never believe in the divinity of another Jew.
Anne Frank:
For everything that a Christian does, he is personally responsible. All Jews are responsible for what a Jew does.Mikhail Turovsky:
History repeats itself. With the Jews, it is repeated more often!Mark Twain :
All peoples do not like each other, but all together they hate only the Jews.A.I. Kuprin:
Every Jew will be born into the world of God with a destined mission to be a Russian poet.Oliver Stone:
Jews dominate the media and use the tragedy of the Holocaust for base purposes. They made a historical scapegoat out of Hitler, although he brought more evil to the Russians.Zeev (Vladimir) Zhabotinsky:
I find that the Jews have so far given nothing to Russian literature, but whether they will give much in the future, I don't know.Zeev (Vladimir) Zhabotinsky:
When the Jews rushed in masses to create Russian politics, we predicted to them that nothing good would come of it either for Russian politics or for Jewry, and life proved us right. Now the Jews rushed to make Russian literature, the press and the theater, and from the very beginning we predicted a collapse in this field with mathematical accuracy.Alexander Rosenbaum:
For example, fellow tribesmen who suffer from an inferiority complex and perceive the word "Jew" as a curse are always funny to me.Anatoly Wasserman:
I am Jewish on my passport. Therefore, I need peace and tranquility in a country that, since the time of Bogdan, in the course of any turmoil, has also slaughtered Jews along the way.Mikhail Zadornov:
When Russian people blame the Jews for all their troubles, I want to tell them: “Don’t judge Zhvanetsky by Berezovsky!”Sergei Lozunko:
What is the main problem of the Jews? Among them is too large, I would even say - an abnormal percentage of talented people.Babel:
Odessa is a very bad city. Everyone knows this. Instead of "big difference" they say - "two big differences" and also: "here and there." But it seems to me that much good can be said about this significant and charming city in Russian Empire. Think - a city in which it is easy to live, in which it is clear to live. Half of its population are Jews, and the Jews are a people who have hardened a few very simple things very well. They marry in order not to be lonely, they love in order to live for centuries, they save money in order to have houses and give their wives astrakhan jackets, they love children because it is very good and necessary to love their children. The poor Jews from Odessa are very confused by the governors and circulars, but it is not easy to knock them out of their position, a very ancient position. They will not be knocked down and learn a lot from them. To a large extent, their efforts created the atmosphere of lightness and clarity that surrounds Odessa.If among your friends there is at least one Jew, then we can say that you are lucky. After all, next to you there is always a real storehouse of all kinds of phrases and words that are easy to apply to any life situation. Jewish expressions are very easy to remember and become a part of life, with them you can laugh at any problem and trouble.
Features of the Hebrew language
The Hebrew language is difficult to confuse with any other language, it has a bright accent and its own word formation system. Many experts believe that the language was created artificially by merging several ancient dialects.
In favor of this version, linguists cite a simple fact - the roots in words always consist of three letters. This can cause confusion in almost any linguist, besides, the Hebrew language originally had an alphabet, which is very unusual. According to all the rules, any language is formed and developed from oral speech, in the future it acquires an alphabet and a written language appears among the people. Scholars believe that Hebrew successfully passed all these stages and was originally a single language with an alphabet. Moreover, over time, he continued to develop and enrich himself with new words. But the fact that the roots of many words are connected is surprising. Even without knowing the meaning of the word, you can always intuitively understand what the conversation is about.
Modern Jews have borrowed many words from foreign languages, but this did not benefit the Hebrew. It was filled with phrases alien in sound and meaning, which, by their education, cannot say anything to the Jews. Every year this process deepens, but amazing Jewish expressions still remain in use and delight those around them with their originality.
Yiddish is a special form of Hebrew
Almost every Jew speaks Yiddish. It's hard to explain what it is. Most likely, Yiddish is a separate form of the Hebrew language, which will be understood even by representatives of different communities. In ancient times, if two Jews could not find words to understand each other, they switched to Yiddish. In this case, any conversation became extremely clear.
Linguists claim that all unusual phrases are part of Yiddish. But the Jews themselves never separate classical Hebrew and Yiddish, they are fluent in both forms of their native language.
If you ask a Jew where all the words he uses come from, he will simply shrug his shoulders. These phrases were used by his grandparents, which means they will be in use for many years to come. Although interest in their translation given fact does not detract.
You may have heard such phrases as "Shlomiel" or "Azochen Wei". What each of them means, the true Jew does not think, but on an intuitive level, he always understands when it is appropriate to insert this or that phrase. It is interesting that many words are used with completely different meanings, which can only be understood by a person who speaks Hebrew fluently.
Jewish expressions can cheer, console and scold. Many Odessans have the ability to cheer up the whole day with one word. No language in the world has such a message as the famous Jewish expressions in Yiddish.
Linguists believe that if you, for example, can translate the phrase "azokhen wei" into Russian in correct interpretation, then you have every chance to learn how to correctly use numerous Jewish expressions. And this can already provide you with popularity in any society where humor and the ability to laugh at yourself are valued.
"Azochen wei" - what does this phrase mean?
This phrase is the most popular among Jews. They use it on almost every occasion and can give it any emotional coloring. The Russian translation of the phrase "azokhen wei" may take away a bit of flavor, but literally it can sound like "when you want to say oh and wei." A little unclear, isn't it? But for the Jews, everything is very clear here, this phrase was originally used only in moments of grief. She meant that things were going badly and difficult to fix. Interestingly, even in this interpretation, it is difficult for a foreigner to understand the meaning of "azokhen wei". The translation of this phrase into the Romance group of languages is almost impossible, it completely loses its meaning.
What is the meaning of "azokhen wei" in modern language?
Today, young people often use famous phrase for any reason. It retains its original meaning, but also acquires a new semantic load. For example, if you tell a Jew that he does not have time to do something on time, then he may well answer you with the phrase "azochen wei." Which means not at all regrets about lost time and opportunities, but something like "so be it." Moreover, only foreigners are mistaken in the intonation of this phrase, but the Jews always understand what they meant.
In some cases, the phrase is used with ironic overtones and expresses great doubt. In this case, they will definitely tell you "azokhen wei", which means "lie and don't lie." Linguists advise you to use Hebrew phrases with great care, in case of failure, you are sure to be ridiculed. Such is the Jewish people!
Who are you, mysterious helmet?
Every Jew in childhood was called a helmet, they don’t even try to think about the meaning of this word. It is used when the baby messes up or does something extraordinary. Many adults grow up, but still remain helmets. So what does this mysterious nickname mean?
In the exact translation, the word "shlemazl" is translated as "complete happiness." It is not surprising that children are called that. But do not forget that the Hebrew language is very ironic, so the word has a different meaning. In some cases, a loser, a kind of bungler who tries all the time, but can not do everything right, will be called a helmet. Jews joke that if a slamazl decides to sell into the water during a drought, then a downpour will surely begin, which will go on for a whole month.
Shlomiel - a klutz of Jewish origin
If you come to Israel for the first time, you will think that the Jews swear at the word "Shlomiel". But in fact, this is not so, it has a slightly different meaning. If you try to translate "Shlomiel" literally, you get something like "a useless person." He always tries to do something, but only makes things worse for himself and others. This is its main difference from the helmet, which belongs to the breed of people who are totally unlucky.
To people uninitiated in the mysteries of Hebrew, both of these words seem identical, but a real Jew will never confuse one meaning with another. Residents of Israel say that this skill is in their blood.
"Good pornos to you!"
If you hear such a wish from a Jew, then do not rush to be offended, we can say that they wished you wealth and all sorts of material goods. This incomprehensible word "pornos" means earnings that are not taxed by the state. That is, this is all that in our country falls under the category of "black cash".
Originally in Hebrew, "parnassus" referred to money that belonged to the community. They were spent only on religious needs and could not be taxed. Subsequently, the word gradually began to denote any amount of money received in addition to official earnings.
"A huchem a id" - a compliment or an insult?
The phrase "a huchem ha id" is often heard in Jewish conversation, usually referring to a person. That's just by its shade it is not too clear what exactly the interlocutors wanted to say to each other. Well, to be extremely precise, the Jews will perfectly understand what meaning they put in "a huchem a id." Let's try to clear things up a bit.
It's no secret that the Jews are considered a very cunning people. Each of them is able to benefit from almost any situation. But there is a special category of Jews, they are "a huchem a id." These include people who try too hard to outsmart others, and in the end it becomes noticeable to everyone around them. So he does not get what he wants "a huchem a id", for which he always remains ridiculed by his friends and numerous relatives.
Many of us have heard a lot of unusual Hebrew words throughout our lives, each of which can make your own language much richer and more interesting. The main thing is not to make a mistake in their application, otherwise in a decent society they may simply not understand you.