Famous couples where the wife is older than the husband. Psychology. The main problems and mistakes of unequal age marriage

It is more common for us when in a marriage or relationship the man is older than the woman. But women who married a much younger man claim to have discovered the secret to happiness. Maybe it's worth taking a closer look at these couples?

Tina Kandelaki

Presenter and producer Tina Kandelaki was married for a long time to her peer Andrei Kodrakhin, one of the owners of the Askon clinic. But in 2010 they divorced, and in 2014 Tina married Vasily Brovko, who is 15 years younger than her. The presenter hid her husband’s name and the very fact of the wedding for a long time; only thanks to the ring on her finger did fans know that everything was in order with the star’s personal life, but everything finally became clear in May 2016. Thanks Twitter.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears, who made the whole world hum Baby One More Time, is no longer a baby, she is 36, she has a not very successful marriage with Kevin Federlein and a string of novels (including with Justin Timberlake!) Behind her, her new boyfriend Sam Asghari is 24 year, she recently touchingly congratulated him on his birthday on Instagram. Sam calls her “the most beautiful woman in the world,” and their photos together can be used to make a calendar for Valentine’s Day.

Lera Kudryavtseva

When presenter Lera Kudryavtseva married hockey player Igor Makarov, she probably couldn’t imagine how many interesting things she would hear from people about their age difference. Lera at that time was 41 years old, and the groom was 28; last year they celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. During this time, not a single interview was complete without a question about their marriage, and once the couple even recorded a video in which Lera appeared in the form of an old woman (thanks to special applications!) Rumors about their divorce regularly appear in the press, haters rejoice, but for now without reason.

Yana Rudkovskaya

Many questions about why he chose an older woman were asked to figure skater Evgeni Plushenko. Evgeniy is 35 years old, and his wife, TV presenter and producer Yana Rudovskaya, is 7 years older. Evgeniy constantly repeats that it’s not a matter of age, but how well people feel together and tells them about their pet nicknames: his wife calls him Kotofey, and he calls her Kotofeevna.

Hugh Jackman

One of the sexiest men on the planet, Hugh Jackman, is now 49 years old. And his wife Deborra-Lee Furness is 62. However, the significant age difference does not prevent the couple from living in a happy marriage for 18 years (Hugh and Deborra met in 1995, and got married exactly a year later) and raising two adopted children. In all his interviews, Hugh Jackman calls his wife “the best mother in the world,” states that he fell in love with her the first minute he met her and still doesn’t know anyone more attractive.

Julianne Moore

Actress Julianne Moore, now 57 years old, is happily married to director Bart Freundlich, who is 9 years younger than her. Just imagine, they have been together since 1996, they have two children. Juliana admits that the initiative came from her, but now the most difficult thing is to find time to just be together: either filming, then children, or everyday life. But it seems they are succeeding, otherwise they won’t survive 22 years!

Tina Turner

In July 2013, Tina Turner (now 78 years old) married producer Erwin Bach (now 61). Before the wedding, they dated for 27 years; Turner brushed off questions with the standard: “We’re fine as is!”, but then they decided to legitimize the relationship. They live in Switzerland, the singer even accepted the citizenship of this country, renouncing her US citizenship.

Sam Taylor-Wood

Director Sam Taylor-Wood met Aaron Johnson when she was 42 and he was 19. He was the perfect choice for the role of John Lennon in her new film, and subsequently for the role of her husband. They got married in 2012 and have four daughters (two children together and two girls from Sam’s first marriage). They brush off tricky questions - they say that age is a convention, and Aaron at heart is much older and more serious than Sam.

Joan Collins

The fifth husband of British actress Joan Collins (star of the series "Dynasty") is producer Percy Gibson, her junior by 32 years. Once the actress was asked whether the age difference bothered her, to which she replied: “If he dies, then he dies!” Can not argue.

Age difference: 27 years. The couple has been living happily together for more than 10 years; for 35-year-old Maxim this was the first marriage, and for Alla it was the fifth. They also managed to have children - twins Harry and Lisa are incredibly similar to their star parents.

Andrei Konchalovsky and Yulia Vysotskaya

Age difference: 36 years. The actress and director met at the Kinotavr festival, a year later Konchalovsky divorced and married Yulia. The couple has two children.

Alexander Gradsky and Marina Kotashenko

Age difference: 31 years. Marina is the fourth wife of the famous singer and composer, and although the marriage was never officially registered, the couple has been together for more than ten children. Not long ago, Marina gave birth to a son - this is her first child, and Gradsky’s third.

Dmitry Dibrov and Polina Dibrova

Age difference: 30 years. It seems that it was the TV presenter’s fourth marriage that became the most successful - in seven years the couple had three sons. Young Polina adores her star husband and on social networks calls herself “the wife of an incredible husband.”

Oleg Tabakov and Marina Zudina

Age difference: 30 years. For ten years, the affair between a student and a married teacher was secret, then a wedding and a further happy life together.

Yuri Belyaev and Tatyana Abramova

Age difference: 27 years. The love story turned into a real acting marriage: he was 66 years old, she was 39, and less than a year was enough to understand how important it was to be together.

Igor Nikolaev and Yulia Proskuryakova

Age difference: 23 years. The famous singer and the aspiring singer met at a concert: Yulia waited for Igor at the service entrance and asked him to evaluate her talent for singing. Ten years after the romance began, the couple finally became parents.

Alexander Gordon and Nozanin Abdulvasieva

Age difference: 30 years. This is already the fourth marriage for the TV presenter, and all of Gordon’s wives are connected, first of all, by common professional interests. His chosen one is a student at VGIK and the granddaughter of director Valery Akhadov.

Bari Alibasov and Victoria Maksimova

Age difference: 40 years. Bari Alibasov is the record holder for the number of marriages; Victoria became his sixth wife. The couple met at work; Victoria was the producer’s assistant and press secretary. Communication grew into an office romance, and then into a happy marriage.

Vladimir Kozhin and Olesya Boslovyak

Age difference: 30 years. The Assistant to the President of the Russian Federation on military-technical cooperation could not resist the beauty and talent of the lead singer of the Mobile Blondes group. The couple leads a social lifestyle, the most famous guests were at their magnificent wedding, and recently Olesya and Vladimir had a daughter.

Ivan Krasko and Natalya Shevel

Age difference: 60 years. The marriage of the 85-year-old actor to a young drama school student caused a lot of gossip, but the couple is sure that love has no boundaries and they will definitely be happy. They say, however, that the newlyweds have already begun to quarrel and be jealous of each other.

Couples are increasingly appearing where the woman is much older than the man.

Much - this is for 10-20 years.

Women after 40 years old very often write about the attention of young men to them, but are skeptical about this attention. “It’s clear, he’s looking for a mother” or “he doesn’t want to invest, he wants everything to be given right away.” That is, adult women often perceive themselves as a dubious object and see the interest of young men as a non-sexual motive, a desire to save energy and money. It's quite a shame. Both for the women themselves and for young men, who quite often fall in love with older women.

However, sometimes relationships begin. But they end quickly. And if they don’t end, women most often quickly go into the red. And men are in profit. With older men, this does not happen as quickly and is not necessary. What are the reasons?

The main and main reason that adult women quickly go downhill with young men is that women, even adults, do not have the skill to build relationships from a leadership role. Even on equal terms it works out with great difficulty (in Europe it’s already better). Mostly women are used to building relationships from below. They are the wards and they are the followers. A little girl or not a little.

The girl needs her dad. Even if it is her husband, he should be a bit of a father to her. And if a man is older than a woman and has higher status, the father’s role is quite natural for him. This does not mean that he completely subjugates the woman, he delegates a lot to her, but the main word is his, the main leadership is his, he carries out the main guardianship, economically and politically. The point is not that the woman is a completely childish fool and just bats her eyes, such women are quickly gotten rid of, it’s just that the woman sees in the man someone stronger and smarter than herself. This is still such a traditional picture for our latitudes that many women confuse the concepts of “older, more status man” and simply “man”; they by default consider any man older and stronger than themselves (intellectually, morally), even if he is younger and smaller yet achieved.

This distorted idea is what puts a woman at a disadvantage when the man is much younger. Please note that if a man is older and wealthier, and a woman looks up to him a little, this, on the contrary, evens out the balance. Those who think that all people should always and in all situations communicate on equal terms, regardless of any differences, are just as smart as those who want to take everything away from everyone and divide it.

Talking on equal terms with someone who is much more experienced than you is like talking about poetry with a philologist or about history with a historian, demanding equality of opinions. If you try to speak on equal terms, the dialogue will not work out, but if you realize their great competence, the conversation may turn out to be useful, for both sides, since the specialist is also interested in a fresh, unclouded, non-trivial view, but only if the interlocutor is aware of the difference and does not consider that “my grandmother said” is equivalent to “Academician Losev believed”; both are interesting, but are integrated in different ways.

The same is true outside the professional sphere. If you are older, you have more experience in everyday life and in relationships, you have more material and social resources, your role in the politics and economy of the couple should be leading, the main one.

Approximately the same demotivation occurs in a couple where the woman is much older than the man, but behaves with him as if she were the same age or even much younger than him.

Interestingly, this does not start immediately. At first, as long as the woman is not too in love, she behaves normally, according to her age and social status. She is aware that in front of her is a younger and less experienced creature, perhaps talented, charming and full of strength, but still less competent in everyday life and in the sphere of social relations. He remembers that behind her are various age stages, she was a student, and a specialist, and a boss, and the mother of a small child and the mother of a large one, had a long-term serious relationship, experienced breakups, divorces, losses, and he has the mentality of a young man. Even if a man has a crown and is convinced that at the age of 25 he is different from his peers because he is much smarter, even if he is a sexist and thinks that women’s experience is no match for men’s and a woman at 45 remains the same girl, he is still At the beginning of a relationship, he is aware that in front of him is a lady his mother’s age and reflects this. He does not feel equal, although he may strive for equality with the SZ, that is, he hopes to be important and significant for this woman.

Equality and height of the NW is correct, this is balance. But if a woman paired with a young man does not take a leadership role, she loses her balance and goes into the red. More precisely, it may go into default. The main thing is that the man in such a couple is always a plus, because he ceases to respect such a woman, even if he does not admit it to himself.

I have already written that adult women often speak to their young partners in childish voices, who give them funny childhood nicknames, like frog, duckling or piglet. Such women are certainly called Anyutka, Katyushka, Marishka and Manyurka. That is, even in couples with peers, there is not as much politeness in addressing women as in couples where the woman is 20 years older. When I tried to understand this phenomenon and asked those women, they all unanimously stated that their young men just really want to dominate, young men are so desperately eager to rise to the top, strive to look older and more serious, and I don’t want to deprive them of such joy.

It is with boys that adult women turn into old girls, both externally and in essence, and with older men they behave appropriately for their age. This is understandable. With older men, even at forty years old, they feel young compared to his fifty (if the man is not a lover of young girls, but is happy with the difference of ten years), but with a boy, they want to look younger than him, and if he is thirty, that’s all almost adult women claim that he looks forty, and she, at forty-five, looks thirty-five, that is, a full five years younger than him. That's how many complex digital perturbations occur in a woman's head, just to hide the difference. Paradox?

Initially, a young guy falls in love with an adult lady. He likes that she is older, he likes her slightly upward look, her seriousness or philosophical irony, security, not helplessness, he likes everything about her, including wrinkles that make her face more mature, and an authoritative tone, everything that emphasizes their difference , he really likes it. Otherwise he wouldn't have fallen in love. If he wanted someone the same age, he would look for someone the same age. If he wanted to dominate, he would look for an inexperienced young girl. Most young men, having become a plus, tell their women that they actually want someone the same age and fell in love with her completely by accident. Yes, on the plus side it looks like that. It seems to them that this was an accident, and now they already want someone of the same age, because they are disappointed in adult women who behave like fools or hysterics. But initially everything was different. He fell in love, of course, not by chance; it was much easier for him to have an affair with someone the same age, but he chose an older woman.

And then she began to hide their difference, deciding that they had fallen in love with her despite age. This is the main reason for the inappropriate behavior of such women. They despise women their own age. It seems to them that their peers are worse than their younger counterparts. They consider themselves exceptions(!), thanks to the crown, of course. She is always the exception. Yes, she is forty-five, but she is 1) beautiful 2) sexy, therefore she is an exception to the rule. And her peers are purses and cannot be of interest to a young man, and she does not want to have anything to do with them. She stands out from their ranks (the key here is that she stands out from any rank, always, the crown makes anyone in any group, be it age group, gender group, or professional group, feel better than others).

And an adult woman begins to prove to everyone around that she looks younger than her man. Talk to these women, they will almost always say that their boyfriend looks older than them, especially when he is already in the black. These women consider themselves exceptions, that's the problem. If they were ordinary, normal adult women, they would behave like this, they would not be ashamed of their age, they would not try to stand out from their peers, they would look adequate and everything would be normal. But they see the attention of a young man as fodder for their own (!) self-esteem, instead of understanding that he simply likes her age group. But ugh, this is so sad, you can’t gild the crown with this.

Noticing that his woman wants to feel like a girl, the guy tries to give her this opportunity. He begins to dominate and call her a pig, he wants to emphasize that for him she is a baby. Well, the older she is, the more noticeable her gray hair and wrinkles are, by the way. She looks great for being forty, but for eighteen... it’s understandable. That is, women, trying to level out their age, emphasize it and highlight it, just as those who want to hide a big nose under naive curls make their nose several times larger.

The main rule of harmony: create an organic context for quality, don’t hide it, don’t stuff it down.

Accept the age misalliance and find advantages in it, emphasize it and don’t be shy.

The organic context for adult appearance is adult behavior. No children's voices, short skirts, helpless flutters of eyelashes, no "Does daddy love his girl?" which grown ladies love to say to their young husbands. (I still remember one lady who was 60+ and addressed her young lover with exactly these words).

If you don't know, you probably won't believe that this is exactly what many older women say. Predators are especially indicative in this sense. After some time in the relationship, an adult lady turns into a child with a predator. She didn’t transform with her older husband, but with the young predator, yes. A predator differs from just a young man in that people fall in love with him, on average, more intensely. And the older the woman in love, the smaller the girl she turns into. In non-predators, the same thing happens if the woman is much older and in love.

In general, I would like to say the following. If your man is younger (give or take 5 years - he’s the same age), never forget about the difference and don’t try to hide it, emphasize it so as not to start hiding it without noticing it, be proud of the difference, love your age, don’t pretend to be a girl, but don’t turn him into an old man. Otherwise, you will soon develop complexes and fall into the negative.

And I wanted to tell the young men. Don’t act like daddies, please don’t call your adult women Manyushkas and little rats, it’s better to play up the real difference beautifully. You don’t need to call your lady by her first name, patronymic, or “you,” although... But at least don’t make little fools out of them. They will begin to irritate you when you convince them that you seriously consider them your babies at fifty-five years old.

Have men had relationships with women 10+ older? Have women fallen in love with much younger guys? How did the relationship develop?

In an unequal marriage, in which the woman is older than the man, relationships develop differently than in a couple of the same age or when the husband is older than the wife. In such a union, everything depends on the age difference. If it is small, two to four years, a man may not notice her at all, feeling like a protector and head of the family.

If the difference is large, then it is not only striking, but also raises a lot of questions. For a man, the age of his beloved is not an obstacle in a relationship, but society and those close to him will still cast doubts and suspect the man of insincerity. A woman cannot avoid pity and caustic remarks that someday her young husband will leave her.

In couples where the woman is older than the man, misunderstandings and disagreements arise. If lovers come together on the basis of sexual attraction, then, despite excellent compatibility, their relationship will not last long. An immature young man will bore a woman, and he will be tired of the passions and experience of a partner. Most often this is exactly what happens, but there are couples where the age difference does not affect the duration of the relationship.

People may judge a woman for having an affair with a younger guy. There are widespread stereotypes in society about unequal marriage, which she is forced to fight:

1. 1. “He will get tired and go to a young girl.” If a man leaves a woman, it has nothing to do with the age difference. She either got bored with him, or he realizes that he made a mistake in his choice. Maybe his feelings passed and he fell in love with someone else. The partner’s reluctance to have children is also a good reason that prompted the guy to leave for a woman of the same age.
2. 2. “Having a husband or partner much younger than oneself is a woman’s initiative. “In fact, most often it is young guys who show interest in mature women. Even in kindergarten and elementary school, they fall in love with the teacher, the first teacher, and in high school - with a counselor or trainee. Attraction to a more mature partner is inherent in them by nature, and there is nothing to it.
3. 3. “The relationship has no future and will not last long. “As statistics show, on average a relationship lasts 13 years. But there are couples who do not part and go through their entire life together.

Do not pay attention to ridicule, sympathetic or envious glances. Everyone has their own life, and unions break up for many reasons, at different intervals.

An older woman should not direct her maternal instinct towards her young husband; she should allow him to feel like a mature person, capable of making decisions.

A young guy and an adult woman - features of their relationship

Pros of age difference

Relationships in which the woman is older are devoid of the partner’s whims and dissatisfaction. With age, girls become calmer and wiser. The chances of the existence and long duration of the union increase, since the woman’s career has already taken place, and the guy has more opportunities to succeed without being distracted by his young wife and children. With the support of an experienced woman, he will quickly achieve the desired success, without making many mistakes associated with youthful temper.

Home life has been established and comfort has long been created in the house. There is no shortage of finances and scandals about this. A woman will not ask for a new fur coat, but will go and buy it herself. There are also couples where the young man strives to give an expensive gift to his beloved and does not want to completely depend on her. We need to support him in this, so the relationship will be even stronger. For a woman, there are also advantages to an unequal marriage with a husband who is much younger than her:

• a great incentive to take care of yourself in order to look more attractive;
• play sports and lead an active lifestyle;
• feel more youthful when communicating with a younger partner.

The wonders of modern cosmetology and cosmetic surgery make you look much younger, and playing sports not only improves your figure, but also improves your health. A woman takes better care of herself, preferring a healthy diet and good sleep, which have a better effect on her well-being and appearance.

How not to harm and the disadvantages of an alliance

In unequal relationships in which the woman is older, it is not recommended:

• show jealousy;
• show fear;
• press for pity;
• pay attention to rumors.

From a psychological point of view, a woman can ruin a relationship if she is jealous of a young guy or husband of other women. The fear that he will leave her can push him to negative thoughts and actions. If you wait for him to come home and then ask a lot of questions, he will eventually get tired of it. A man should not feel a woman's self-doubt and jealousy towards other girls.

The next important point that can harm relationships is the desire to become a father. If a woman already has a child, then the man begins to think about his own. The desire to have a common baby is natural for spouses, but women’s reproductive functions fade with age, and there is a risk that a young man will leave for a young girl to start a new family.