How to overcome obstacles on the way to your goal? Doubt in the matter. Inner doubts and indecision
Are there ? Yes, without a doubt, life throws us obstacles And obstacles on the way to the goal. Without overcoming and effort, nothing is given to us. Without tension, victory will not be a victory; otherwise, it will be a bland and unemotional event.
It turns out that there are different difficulties. External and internal.
Difficulties on the way to the goal and what to do with them
Very often we create difficulties on the way to our goals ourselves. These are internal barriers.
Internal difficulties on the way to the goal.
1. Unfinished business, unfulfilled promises, unfulfilled plans.
I have already written about this on my website and once again today I want to remind you that a pile of such unfinished tasks and projects is a powerful black hole that absorbs a lot of energy and does not allow you to move forward.
A person wants, desires, imagines what will open new project, will engage in activities that interest him, and go on an amazing trip with his family. But for some reason, it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t “grow together.”
One explanation is that unfinished business drags on.
You need to get rid of them, put them in order, bring them to the end: fulfill your obligations, start things, sort out relationships, finish reading books, lose weight, end an argument.
Or decide that the matter has lost relevance and is meaningless for you. And thus abandon it, put an end to it.
2. Inability or unwillingness to make a choice today that will make life better tomorrow.
Today is the result of a series of elections made on the same “today”, but yesterday, 15 days, 2 years, 6 years ago.
We need to understand that we are building our destiny and we are doing it only now, in today’s moment. There are no other moments or options for this.
Get up an hour earlier today and tomorrow you will already be one step ahead of your competitors. Save 10% of your income today and you will be richer tomorrow. Give up sweets today and tomorrow you will be slimmer and healthier.
3. Wrong priorities.
Momentary desires can take us far away from our own goals. Having determined what is most important in life, a person easily refuses short-term and fleeting pleasure now. Thus, he always has the opportunity to realize his goals, and not the goals of others.
Imagine a very hungry zebra that notices the approach of a predator, such as a lion. Now, of course, she would get the most pleasure from eating weed, but such a momentary desire could cost her her life. So, the most important priority for her is to give up weed, get away, and save herself.
Set priorities and plan your own deadlines for their implementation, then no “weed” will lead you astray.
4. Deceiving the most precious person - yourself.
Agree, it happens quite often when we “close our eyes” to obvious things and do things that do not help us move towards our goal, but on the contrary slow us down and even harm us.
It looks something like this: “I’ll eat another piece of pie, one piece won’t change anything”, “I’ll finish the project tomorrow, today won’t play a special role”, “I’ll finish the book next weekend”, “I’ll start doing exercises on Monday”.
If a person pretends to himself, he loses not only his true goals, he loses confidence in himself, loses his sense of himself as a valuable person.
5. The desire to please and please everyone.
This is completely utopian. How many people, so many opinions. If you follow this postulate, you can become like a weather vane, which depends on the changeable wind rose.
This is the loss of oneself, one's own uniqueness. Define the boundaries of your personality, learn to say “no” and then you will control both your time and your energy.
6. Loss of energy in everyday life , through fears, problems, feelings of guilt, complex tasks, surrounding background.
Create and organize life according to your own rules, do it in a way that is more convenient, simpler, and more comfortable for you. Plan and do things every day that add energy to you. And then the world will turn to face you and your goals, you will retain your potential, your strength.
7. Habit of complaining.
If you feel bad or have difficulties, it is better to use other options: a) ask yourself the question “how to solve this problem?”, find the answer and get out of the difficult state; b) or, if this is impossible on your own, ask for help, specifically stating what it should be.
8. Lack of reserves.
When you do not have enough reserves, all your plans and decisions will be based on a lack of time, finances, strength, lack of health, emotional stability, etc. This state of affairs can lead to critical mistakes and will not allow you to take advantage of favorable circumstances.
Regularly take care of your resources, eliminate things that take your energy, waste your time aimlessly, and require empty money. Only after accumulating enough resources can you set off on a serious journey towards serious goals.
9. The desire to appear better than I really am.
You need to know your own characteristics, be able to exist with them and not hide them. It is better to openly tell your partners about them, then there will be complete mutual understanding.
“I can sometimes be boring, it’s better to answer all my questions in detail, so we will avoid misunderstandings in further business dealings” or “I prefer to conduct my business and negotiate on them in the first four days of the week, on the rest - my phone is turned off, please take this into account when working on a project."
10. Lack of transition from desire to action.
Everyone knows: “I dream...” “I want...” “I wish...” “I plan...” “I’ll try...” “I’ll try...” “I’m going to...” and even “I’ve decided...”, but nothing further happens. To achieve goals, you need to do. And you need to start with the first step today, now.
P.S. Friends, visit the site, read the latest publications and find out who is in the TOP of the best commentators of the current month.
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We often set goals for ourselves: to lose weight/find a new job/learn a foreign language/establish a daily routine - everyone has their own list. Purpose inspires and fills us with energy. We think about how to achieve it, break the path to it into more realistic and achievable stages. At least that's how they seem to us, while the process is controlled by our rational brain…
But after some time we encounter serious opposition. The emotional brain comes into play, and our vision of the desired prospects is replaced by internal chaos. Now everything will depend on which brain - rational or emotional - we listen to.
Who will win?
Considering that most of us give up on our goals halfway, we often become victims of our emotional brain. Not surprising, because he is much more active and persistent than the rational one - by nature he is lazy and inclined to be towed by the emotional one.
When faced with any external obstacle, something like this dialogue occurs between them:
Emotional Brain: “Oh! Let! It poses a threat to us!”
Rational Brain: “I guess I’ll agree... It looks pretty scary...”
Emotional Brain (panicked): “Why are we still here? Let's run away from here - quickly!!!"
Rational brain (ready to do anything to make this story end quickly): “Yes, we probably can’t cope, we’re not capable/knowledgeable/attractive enough...”
Mental chaos is growing, the feeling of “I’m not good enough for this” resonates more and more strongly with unconscious attitudes. External obstacles soon turn into internal ones, in which we begin to sincerely believe, and our progress towards the goal stops.
The emotional brain convinces us to give in to difficulties; the rational brain most often obeys it
To achieve our goal, we need to invigorate our rational brain, so that he gets down to business seriously, without succumbing to the panicky moods of the emotional brain.
Let us explain this with the following example. Imagine that you are driving in a car with a small child, and he, out of fear, pushes you away from the steering wheel, thinking that if he steers, you will both be safe. What will you do?
How to turn on a rational brain
1. Be present in the moment
The first step is to return the child to his place in the back seat so that he does not interfere with driving the car. This is a matter of safety, but not only that - the child will become calmer, seeing that you have taken responsibility. Since in this case the child and the adult are represented in one person—yours—this means that you need not to succumb to hysteria and the temptation to immediately capitulate, but to restore your presence in the present moment.
When there is a gap between stimulus and response, you are in control of yourself and your actions. As research shows, in this case we do not retreat from difficulties, are open to various opportunities and, having chosen the right one, act more boldly.
2. Transform the energy
Even in the back seat, a child can continue to scream and cry out of inertia. In this case, do not expect that he will calm down and relax on his own. Switch it from negative emotion to an equally strong positive one. I remember well that when my son was two years old and he started crying, it was easier to make him laugh than to calm him down.
Likewise, when we as adults are overwhelmed by fear or anxiety, we can channel negative energy into constructive channels.
3. Achieve alignment
The rational and emotional brains have different motivational systems. The first is determined to plan and implement plans, the second strives to avoid pain and ensure safety. The secret of success is to reconcile these different intentions and achieve consistent work. If we imagine how great we will feel when we achieve a goal, our emotional brain will tune in to achieve it.
Most often, what prevents us from achieving our goals is not external circumstances, but the obstacles we create for ourselves
It is equally important to train the rational brain to listen to our emotions: they can serve as a compass for him, helping him choose not a goal, but a path. Continuing our example with the child in the car - let’s say we inspired him by telling him what a wonderful place we were going to, but we want the journey itself to make him happy, and for this we can slightly change the planned route, for example, take a detour.
Less often than not, external circumstances prevent you from achieving your goal. This is just the first level of obstacles. Most often, the obstacles that we create for ourselves get in the way. By learning to recognize when we are being controlled by our emotional brain (when we feel fear), we can transfer responsibility to more advanced areas of the brain. And we will be able to achieve our goals.
For more information, visit the Happify Daily website.
About the expert
Homaira Kabir, positive psychologist, coach, cognitive behavioral therapist. As an author, he collaborates with such publications as Forbes, The Huffington Post, The Globe and Mail.
As Bismarck said, “Dreams without action are wasted time, but action without dreams is a wasted life.”
We all live in order to achieve some goals that are important to us. Some people love to travel, for others their career is paramount, while others want to create something and leave something behind.
Dreams lead us to setting specific goals. Then there are plans, daily activities and tasks. And then - actions. We get down to business and are ready to move mountains. But a month, two, maybe a year passes - and the goal is still not achieved.
We give up, lose motivation and doubt everything and everyone. And I’m not the same, and the people are bad, and the goals are unrealistic, and the techniques don’t work, and all this is not mine.
How to enjoy the process on the path to success? Here are some recommendations to help you not lose heart.
1. The environment has a strong influence
Try to surround yourself with people who understand you and share your values. Their support is important. If you want to achieve your goals and be successful, you must be surrounded by motivated, successful people.
Try this test. Take five people with whom you regularly communicate, find out their income and divide their total income by 5. The amount you get will be approximately what you earn.
If you are surrounded by only retired parents and a spouse without any special ambitions, what should you do? There is only one way out - to find mentors, coaches, trainers with great knowledge and fees and become their students. This is the only way you can grow.
2. 10,000 hours for success
Spend 10,000 hours honing your skills to become a pro in your chosen field. Make a list of the skills you need to succeed. Find trainers, books, information on these skills - and go ahead.
3. Know how to relax and rest on the way to the goal
I am for life to be high. If you strain all the time and constantly overcome obstacles, you can break down very quickly. And if you set aside time for hobbies and interesting activities, then rest periodically. It's like the work of the heart: beat, rest, beat, rest. Effort is relaxation. Anything can be used as relaxation: fitness, languages, working with your hands, traveling, etc.
4. Be open to information
You never know what will come in handy when. And your dancing skills, and oratory skills, and the ability to create with your hands, and experience as a nanny, and accounting knowledge. Anything.
No skill is acquired in vain! The time will come when it will come in very handy - know how to use everything you have learned for good.
5. Constantly learn
To be competitive, it is important to continually educate yourself. Good first You can't make an impression a second time. The second attempt is more difficult than the first.
6. Know all aspects of the business
Delve into all the details of your business so that you can always adjust, adjust, make changes, and control the process.
7. No - depression, yes - time-outs
The path of growth and development has its unexpected turns. Learn to take a step back, relax and let go.
It is difficulties that make us strong and take us out of our comfort zone. And the most interesting thing: when we achieve our goal, it is the difficulties and how we managed to overcome them that we will remember more readily.
8. Don’t measure success only with money, status, regalia
Learn to enjoy new acquaintances, acquired knowledge, interesting information. It's yours forever. And the new title and status may depreciate tomorrow. Or maybe you want even “faster, higher, stronger.” And a new race will begin.
9. Keep a diary of acquisitions and achievements
We tend to forget the good and focus on the bad. That is, practically nullify your achievements and merits. We decided to create a series of master classes, but the launch failed - everything is bad! And the fact that to create the material you went through two trainings, read and got to know three new authors, made acquaintances, improved your skills teamwork, improved their shortcomings - this does not count.
Life is not going well and everything is wrong? These were just samples of the pen. We'll analyze and fix everything. But what has already been developed is worth a lot.
10. Compete only with yourself
Me yesterday and me today. What changed?
11. Just do something
When you run out of strength and motivation fades, let go of thoughts about the goal and do at least something. Take a walk, eat your favorite cake, find the country you want to visit on the atlas, read the poems of your favorite author, dance, go to the store to try on a luxurious outfit or a diamond ring, write a letter to the fairy, to yourself, to your enemies - whatever you want.
Don't fight anything, just take one action. See what happens. Then someday tell me what happened next. Agreed?
12. Constantly adjust your achievements
Check your plan and don't be afraid to make changes to it. This is the time now - everything is changing rapidly. Be flexible.
13. Touch other people's lives
If you have the opportunity, get involved in as many people's lives as possible. With your words, deeds, support, with an open heart, awareness and involvement. We all need each other. We all “fight” for the attention of others. And we are either chosen or not.
Follow these steps and they will certainly help you experience a lot of joy and inspiration on the path to success.
From the editor
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“A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” said the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, and how right he was! No matter how big and grandiose your goal is, you will never be able to achieve it without taking the first step. A psychologist and business consultant talks about how to decide on this. Olga Yurkovskaya: .
Looking at the famous, influential, successful people, it’s hard to get rid of the feeling that they were almost born this way. “Some people are lucky,” one might sigh when reading the news about Elon Musk’s next fantastic project. But was his path “of a thousand miles” so simple? Journalist Olga Andreeva analyzed the success stories of people who inspire us: .