How to get into your child's sleep window. Early laying: why it is important and when to use it. A magical way to put a baby to sleep that every parent can do
The window is a symbol of new horizons and beginnings, but for full interpretation sleep, it is necessary to take into account all its nuances. Read the interpretations set out in the most authoritative dream books in the world. What does it mean to see a window in a dream?
Why see a window in a dream
Russian folk dream book
This is the interpretation of the dream book of an open window: if you stand in front of it, some life changes are coming.
An attempt to find a way out of a window that appears before your eyes in a dream will indicate that there are no opportunities to direct the state of affairs into better side becomes much smaller.
If you dreamed of a broken window, you will have to be disappointed in something and experience spiritual anguish.
Modern dream book
In the dream book, an open window promises the receipt of funds or a gift.
You will encounter a new hobby - this is what you dream of about a window where a lady is trying to get in.
If in a dream you saw that you fell out of a window, expect a big quarrel or even a fight.
Dreaming of a closed window portends boredom.
A dream of a lattice on a window promises separation.
I had to insert the glass into the frame - in reality, be sure to take precautions to avoid trouble.
Seeing a window frame means a general discussion of your intimate life.
In a dream, window curtains are burning - get ready for an exciting turn of life events.
In a dream, you felt afraid that someone would get in through the window that was closed - it means that for some reason you are afraid of the future.
When in a dream the window is covered with a cobweb pattern or you have to look out into the street through the shutters, in reality you may be overcome by a feeling of loneliness due to isolation.
When you knock on the window, there is a high risk of developing an illness that can be treated surgically.
And when in a dream you had to see yourself on a windowsill, in reality you will encounter recklessness and punish yourself with your own envy.
Maly Velesov dream book
When the window is open, you can expect guests or gifts.
A closed dream may indicate boredom.
The glass in the window is broken - the threshold of poverty and loss.
In the dream there was a window with clean and intact glass - in reality this portends great happiness in life.
In a dream, look out of the window - news will come. Fell out of the window - to the development of a quarrel.
To ruin, you may dream about the process of climbing out of a window. A window curtained with black cloth symbolizes sadness due to the illness of a loved one.
To see an open window means in reality to show yourself as an open and trusting person. On the contrary, a closed window indicates turning inward.
In a dream, you looked through a clean window - it means that you perceive everything in the world around you as it is and do not allow yourself to be misled.
Dreamed dirty window indicates a bad mood and anger.
Women's dream book
Unsuccessful completion of the most important tasks, loss of respectful attitude of family and friends - this is what you dream of about windows, where you try to look in a dream as you pass by.
Seeing a closed window means abandonment.
If you had to break a window, expect accusations of infidelity.
When you entered your home through a window, you will be accused of using dubious methods, allegedly used to achieve noble goals.
In the dream I had to run through the window - misfortune was approaching.
Family dream book
A dream about a window foreshadows the end of hopes. A broken window promises suspicion of infidelity.
If you dreamed about how you sat on the windowsill - in reality you will show all your recklessness.
If you managed to get into your home through a window in a dream, you will be caught cheating.
In a dream, you had to look out the window and see something strange - in reality you may stop being a respected person and face failure.
If you had to escape through a window, be careful, because trouble is not far away.
Wanderer's Dream Book
If you climbed through a window in a dream, you are too curious and learn about yourself and the world around you.
In a dream you climb out of a window - there is a high probability of trouble or finding Right way to solve the problem that has arisen.
When there was an open window in a dream, you are a person who is open to people, or you feel regret about something.
In a dream, you crawl out of a broken window - solving a difficult life problem or fulfilling exciting desires.
A dream when you look out of a window prophesies life prospects or a turn of events that should be interpreted by the view opening from this window.
Freud's Dream Book
Symbolizing the genitals, an open window promises the joy of accessible sexual relations.
Seeing a dirty window means encountering problems with the health of the genital organs.
When a woman dreams that she is opening a window, it indicates that she has a desire for sexual relations with another lady. When a man dreams of a window opening, he desires to have sexual intercourse.
Washing windows means the desire to have children.
You broke a window - to face the reality that intimate adventures can become a big problem.
Aesop's Dream Book
Standing in front of an open window in a dream means in reality expecting changes and choosing a new path in life.
If a bird knocks on the window, you will receive unexpected news.
Standing at someone else's window means facing unplanned expenses due to the desire of your supposed friend to ruin you.
Dreamed broken glass prophesies illness, melancholy and disappointment.
Seeing a closed window means facing an unexpected obstacle in reality.
Washing a dirty window in a dream means that in real life you will receive prosperity and success for your hard work.
A dreamed silhouette at the window promises to encounter something mysterious.
An attempt to climb home through the window predicts a fun and carefree time.
Trying to open a window in a dream promises hope for a bright future.
When should you put your baby to bed?
Did you know that there is a “window to sleep”? This window is truly magical: once you find it, the child quietly and calmly falls asleep in a matter of minutes. Fairy tale? No! The most real reality that any parent can learn.
Why is it important not to “over-walk”
From fatigue, many children begin to be capricious and cry. It is difficult to fall asleep in this state, because in order to fall asleep, you just need to calm down and relax.
Even if the parents somehow manage to put the baby to bed, excitement will not allow him to sleep for long. And then too short nap The child will very quickly get tired again and begin to be capricious. By the evening, a real “snowball” can form – and a long hysteria before bedtime is guaranteed.
Why is it important to put your baby to bed not too early?
If you start putting your child to bed when he is not yet tired enough, two options are most likely:
1. The baby cannot fall asleep for a long time, gradually gets irritated, begins to protest against being put to bed, is capricious, crying... And the result is the same “over-walking” and bad dream.
2. If the child’s temperament is calm and docile, he can easily fall asleep, especially after the usual bedtime ritual. But lack of fatigue will not allow him to sleep for long. After too little sleep, the child will soon become tired again. As a result, the same “snowball” will arise again.
"Window to a Dream"
Learn to put your child to bed exactly at the moment when he is already tired and ready to fall asleep, but not yet overtired. Your baby will fall asleep with ease and surprisingly quickly! Naturally calm children often fall asleep in just a couple of minutes; easily excitable and temperamental children may need 10–20 minutes.
This moment of readiness for sleep is called the “window to sleep.”
How to see the “window to a dream”
When laying down, you need to focus on the signs of fatigue in your child. It happens that a mother sees that the child is tired, but before going to bed she needs to eat, wash, change clothes... A little time passes - and that’s it, the “window to sleep” has closed, excitement has begun, now it will be difficult to fall asleep.
Knowing the approximate time that a child can stay awake at a given age without overtiring will come to your aid. By the end of the expected time of wakefulness, you need to be completely ready for sleep, so that after signs of fatigue appear, you can immediately begin going to bed.
Children's waking time table:
Important!
The waking time in the table is relevant for children who get enough sleep. If a child has accumulated sleep deprivation or his previous sleep was too short, the time he can stay awake without being overtired is reduced. Prepare for bed in advance and expect to show signs of fatigue earlier than usual.
It's no secret that children's sleep is a very interesting phenomenon and full of mysteries. This is especially true for newborn children, who are about to be born and still do not understand at all what day and night, sleep and wakefulness are. The main task of mom and dad after birth is to “establish” the newborn’s sleep, which over time will only take place according to the established schedule.
Lucky are those parents whose child, as soon as you put him in the crib, yawns sweetly, rubs his eyes and falls asleep. Agree that such a fate awaits only a few. In most cases, immersion into a child is very difficult and painful. Sometimes it takes a lot of time and effort.
The first thing new parents need to learn is that the sleep rhythms of a newborn and an adult are very different. The duration of shallow sleep in an infant is 80% (for comparison, in an adult it is 20%). Such sleep is easily interrupted by colic, thirst or fear, which are the “enemies” of parents. Remember: this is normal! Frequent awakenings- a way to survive in the new world. During such sleep, the child develops, and its interruption is a signal of inconvenience or fear. A child who wakes up will probably complain to you about colic in the tummy, thirst or hunger, or maybe it’s just uncomfortable for him to lie in a certain position.
Very often, parents worry about whether their child is getting enough sleep or not. The answer to this question is obvious: if while awake the child actively plays, eats with appetite and smiles, he has enough sleep. So, each child has his own regime, so do not be alarmed if a newborn’s sleep differs from generally accepted norms: he should sleep 6-7 hours during the day, 8-10 hours at night; three months - 5-6 hours during the day, 10-11 hours at night).
It is best to place the baby on demand in the first months of life. But how do you know that he is? Certain signs - yawning, rubbing the eyes, sluggishness of movement, whining, fatigue - will help you understand that the baby wants to rest and sleep.
When a child, despite a clear desire to sleep and its signs, cannot fall asleep and cries, it is necessary to determine the cause of this situation and eliminate it. Such reasons are divided into external and internal. Internal problems include abdominal problems, otitis media, regurgitation, itching, diseases associated with disruption of the nervous system (increased excitability, hypertonicity; mental to external ones - a restless atmosphere in the house, changing weather, changing phases of the moon, uncomfortable indoor conditions (cold bed , unusual smells or sounds, dry air), disruption of the usual bedtime ritual.
If you want to make a dream infant healthy, first of all, you should eliminate the cause of the child’s anxiety and make the environment as comfortable as possible, consult on this matter with experienced friends, mother, and doctors. The latter are the best advisors. Sooner or later everything will become more or less stable.
A lot depends on the mother. She must pay a lot of attention to the child, responding to all his “requests” and desires, monitor changes in the child’s behavior, communicate with him and talk more. It is necessary to constantly improve sleeping conditions: ventilate the room, humidify the air, arrange the crib comfortably, making it warm and beautiful. As you fall asleep, you can turn on a night light, play quiet music, or sing a lullaby.
Experts advise establishing a clear sleep ritual and following it every day without disturbing it. So, evening bathing and changing into pajamas every day will remind the baby that after these procedures he needs to sleep. In addition, it is better to put your child to bed at approximately the same time so that he does not accidentally confuse day with night.
If you follow the above tips and pay due attention to your child, your newborn's sleep will be correct, healthy and strong!
Many mothers ask us the question “What time is it better to put a child to bed?” Let's find out!
The influence of biological rhythms on humans
Despite the fact that technological progress makes a person largely independent of natural conditions in which he lives, like any creature on the planet, he is influenced biological rhythms. The most significant of them are circadian rhythms - the change of dark and light times of day, day and night. Depending on these rhythms, a person’s physical and emotional condition, intellectual capabilities. Such changes are determined by daily fluctuations in the synthesis of certain hormones. In particular hormonal background tells us when it is best to sleep and when to stay awake.
How does melatonin, the “sleep hormone,” work?
The sleep hormone is called the night hormone melatonin hormone. It begins to be produced in the body in the early evening, reaches peak concentrations late at night and decreases sharply in the morning. One of useful functions This hormone regulates the duration and change of phases of sleep. It is with the onset of melatonin synthesis, approximately in the third or fourth month of a child’s life, that the appearance of deep and very deep subphases of slow-wave sleep in the sleep structure, and the “launch” biological clock. Before this, the baby lives rather in the rhythm of feedings.
Melatonin causes sleepiness in dark time days. Under its influence, all processes slow down, body temperature drops slightly, blood glucose levels drop and all the muscles of the body relax a little. If you go to bed at this moment, it will be very easy to fall asleep, and your sleep will be as deep and restful as possible.
The moment when melatonin is present in the blood in a concentration sufficient to fall asleep is what we conventionally call the “sleep window.” The “sleep window” will tell you what time to put your child to bed so that he gets a long and quality sleep. For the vast majority of children from the age of 3 months to approximately 5-6 years, this favorable moment for falling asleep is in the range of 18.30-20.30.
The “sleep window” can last several minutes or half an hour - it all depends on the child’s temperament, the development of his nervous system and physical condition.
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What if we missed the sleep window? If the baby does not go to bed at this time, the synthesis of melatonin is suspended, and instead of it, the stress hormone cortisol enters the blood. Its main function is to maintain vigor. Cortisol increases blood pressure, causes a rush of blood to the muscles, aggravates the reaction rate, and at the same time it is quite slowly eliminated from the body. The excited state persists throughout the night. A child who goes to bed later than the time that is convenient for his body from a biological point of view, falls asleep more difficult, with protests and tears, and subsequently sleeps superficially and restlessly. If you have a tendency to wake up at night, then if you go to bed late, your baby will wake up especially often
. Our grandmothers and mothers often call the effect of cortisol with the household word “overnight.” And indeed, a child who has “overstayed” his “sleep window” is very active and difficult to put to sleep.
What time do you put your child to bed? So, from birth to approximately 3-4 months
Until the synthesis of melatonin is established, the baby can be put to bed at night when the mother goes to bed - for example, at 22-23 hours. But, starting from the age of 3-4 months , we highly recommend finding out your child’s “sleep window” and putting him to bed at this favorable moment, starting all getting ready for bed
at least 30-40 minutes.
How can you determine what time to put your child to bed?
1. To determine the "sleep window": At the same time in the evening (somewhere between 18.30 and 20.30), the baby will show signs of being ready to sleep: he will rub his eyes, lie down on the sofa or chair, yawn, and slow down his movements. Coordination of movements may be impaired. The gaze stops for seconds and becomes directed “to nowhere.” It is this moment that will show the mother what time to put the baby to bed. It is at this moment that the child should already be in bed, well-fed, washed, and having listened to a fairy tale.
This state can last for several minutes, then the baby will experience something like a “second wind.” This may result in unnatural increased activity or unusual excitability, moodiness. In any case, such a surge of vigor will mean that the “sleep window” has been missed.
It can be difficult to notice the signs of readiness for sleep. They may be subtle, and bright light and noisy environments only help the child hide them. In this case:
2. Calculate convenient time. Normal night sleep duration for children from 3 months to 5-6 years 10-11.5 hours. At the same time, small children, as a rule, wake up early - no later than 7.30. If you subtract the age-recommended length of sleep at night from the usual time of awakening, you will get exactly the approximate moment for ideal falling asleep.
3. Finally, just pick up exact good time, shifting bedtime by 15-30 minutes every 2-3 days and remembering (or writing down) how long it took the child to fall asleep and whether the night passed peacefully.
In any case, if your child falls asleep crying, most likely you are putting him to bed later than necessary. Analyze his regime and perhaps the next day put your child to bed earlier, start rituals 15 minutes earlier.
Changes in daily routine.
It is important not to forget that before starting a night's sleep, the baby must be awake and tired enough for his age. Therefore, when the regime shifts to the earlier side, it is desirable day dreams Also, accordingly, shift and gently wake the child if he sleeps for too long during the last nap of the day. At some point, it is better to completely abandon extra daytime sleep if you put your child to bed right time after that it becomes difficult. As a rule, children are ready to completely give up the 4th nap at the age of 4 months, the 3rd nap at 7-9 months, and the 2nd nap after 15-18 months.
Sleep patterns need to be adjusted as you get older. As a rule, after giving up one of the daytime naps, it is advisable to shift the child's bedtime at night 30-60 minutes earlier. But at the same time, if at normal times for several days the child is cheerful, calm, and does not demonstrate readiness to sleep, and once in bed he cannot fall asleep for a long time, it is quite possible that the time has come to put him to bed 30 minutes later.
Is it possible from the first days of a baby’s life to learn to understand his “language” and begin to fully communicate with him? How to understand the character of a newborn in order to care for him, taking into account his personal characteristics and temperament? Are there simple and reliable ways to solve such common problems? infancy, like “unreasonable” crying or unwillingness to sleep at night?
Newborn care specialist Tracy Hogg talks about this and much more. Her many years of experience and recommendations have helped many families, including celebrity ones, cope with the difficulties of the first year of parenthood and raise happy and healthy babies. All of Tracy's advice is extremely practical and accessible to everyone, and the techniques she offers are extremely effective - perhaps because her approach is based on respect for newborn children, although small, but individuals.
Why this book is worth reading
- Tracy Hogg is one of the most famous authors of children's and parent's literature, she is recognized along with the eminent Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, William and Martha Sears;
- a must-have for all parents who have newborns: you will understand what to expect and learn to cope even with what you did not expect;
- the author will competently and kindly explain to every mother and every father how to raise a happy child with love, respect and care;
- Parents around the world call Tracy the modern Mary Poppins for her effective advice;
- modern pediatricians recommend the author's books to parents all over the world.
Who is author
Tracey Hogg is rightfully considered a modern-day Mary Poppins; young mothers all over the world use her methods to falling asleep independently babies.
The author was nurse, and in order to help babies, she had to learn to understand their language and decipher the signals they sent. Thanks to this, Tracy was able to master their non-verbal language. After moving to America, she devoted herself to caring for newborns and women in labor and helping young parents.
How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep peacefully throughout the night?
My newborn baby was about two weeks old when I was suddenly struck with the realization that I would never be able to rest again. Well, never is perhaps too strong a word. There was still hope that by sending my son to college, I would still be able to sleep peacefully at night again. But I was ready to give my head to be cut off - while he is a baby, this does not happen to me.
Sandy Shelton. Calm night sleep and other lies
Sweet dreams, my dear!
In the first days of life, the main activity of a newborn is sleep. Some people sleep up to 23 hours a day in the first week! Of course, every living creature needs sleep, but for a newborn it is everything. While a baby sleeps, his brain works tirelessly to create the convolutions necessary for mental, physical and emotional development. If a child has had a good night's sleep, he is collected, focused and happy with everything - just like an adult after have a nice rest. He eats heartily, plays enthusiastically, radiates energy and actively communicates with others.
The body of a child who sleeps poorly cannot function normally because his nervous system is exhausted.
He is irritable and uncoordinated. The baby is reluctant to take the breast or bottle. He doesn't have the strength to explore the world. Worst of all, overtiredness aggravates the sleep problem. The fact is that bad sleep habits create vicious circle. Some babies are so tired that they are physically unable to calm down and fall asleep. Only when there is absolutely no strength left, the poor things finally switch off. It’s painful to watch how the baby literally deafens herself with her own crying, trying to isolate herself from the world, she is so overexcited and upset. But the worst thing is that even this hard-earned sleep turns out to be shallow and intermittent and sometimes lasts no longer than 20 minutes. As a result, the child almost constantly lives “on nerves.”
So, everything seems obvious. But would you know how many people do not understand this simple thing: in order to develop the habit of healthy sleep, the baby needs parental guidance. So-called sleep problems are typical because many parents are unaware that they, and not their children, must decide when the baby should go to bed and how to fall asleep.
IN this chapter I will tell you what I myself think about this, and many of my thoughts will probably conflict with what you have read or heard from others. I'll teach you how to spot your baby's tiredness before it becomes overtired, and what to do if you've missed a valuable window of time when baby can be easily put down. You'll learn how to help your baby sleep and how to eliminate sleep difficulties before they become a long-term problem.
Down with misconceptions: light sleep
Now the minds of parents are dominated by two “schools” that are radically different from each other.
The first includes adherents co-sleeping, no matter what it’s called, whether it’s “sleeping in your parents’ bed” or the Sears method. (Dr. William Sears, a pediatrician in California, promotes the idea that infants should be allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until they ask for their own bed.) This method is based on the idea that the baby a positive attitude towards sleep and going to bed should be developed (here I am both in favor) and that the most correct way to this goal is to carry him in your arms, nurse and stroke him until the baby falls asleep (which I am categorically against). Sears, the method's most influential promoter, wondered in an interview published in Child magazine in 1998: "How can a mother want to put her baby in a twig box and leave him alone in a dark room?"
Proponents of parent-baby co-sleeping often point to traditions in other cultures, such as Bali, where newborns are kept in their arms until they are three months old. (But we don't live in Bali!) Members of the La Leche League suggest that if a baby is having a rough day, the mother should stay in bed with him, providing the extra contact and care he needs. All this serves to “strengthen attachment” and create a “sense of security”, so supporters of this point of view consider it quite possible for mom and dad to sacrifice their time, personal life and your own need for sleep. And to make it easier for them to do this, Pat Yerian, a promoter of co-sleeping, whose opinion is given in the book “ Women's art breastfeeding" (The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding), encourages frustrated parents to change their perspective: "If you can take a step toward being more tolerant [of your baby waking you up], you'll be able to enjoy those quiet moments at night. communicating with a newborn who needs your hands and affection, or a slightly older baby who just needs to be with someone.”
At the other extreme is the delayed response method, often called the Ferber method after Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital. According to his theory, bad sleep habits are learned and therefore can be broken (which I wholeheartedly agree with). Accordingly, he recommends that parents put their baby in the crib while he is still awake and teach him to fall asleep on his own (I also agree with this). If the child, instead of falling asleep, begins to cry, actually turning to the parents with an appeal: “Come, take me away from here!” - Ferber advises leaving crying unattended for increasingly longer periods of time: on the first evening for five minutes, on the second for 10, then for 15, etc. (and here Dr. Ferber and I diverge). Dr. Ferber explains in Child magazine: “If a baby wants to play with a dangerous object, we say “no” and set boundaries that may cause him to protest…. The same thing happens when we explain to him that there are rules at night. It's in his best interest to get a good night's sleep."
Perhaps you have already joined one or the other camp.
If one of these two methods suits you and your child, and suits your lifestyle, do not hesitate to continue in the same spirit. But the fact is that I often get calls from people who have already tried both of these approaches. Usually events develop as follows. One parent initially favors the idea of co-sleeping with the baby and convinces their partner that this is the best thing to do. In the end, there really is something romantic in this - a kind of return “to the roots.” Yes, and night feedings cease to be a problem. An enthusiastic couple decides not to buy a crib at all. But several months pass—sometimes quite a lot—and the idyll ends. If mom and dad are very afraid to “sleep” the child, then they themselves may lose sleep due to constant fears, and someone develops painful sensitivity to the slightest sound made by the baby in his sleep.
The baby may wake frequently—every two hours—and demand attention. And while some babies just need to be stroked or held tight to make them fall asleep again, others think it’s time to play. As a result, parents are forced to roam around the apartment: one night they play with the child in the bedroom, the other they doze in the living room, trying to catch up. Be that as it may, if both of them were not 100% convinced of the correctness of the chosen method, internal resistance begins to grow in the one of them who succumbed to the persuasion of the other. This is where this parent grabs the “Ferber” method.
The couple decides that it’s time for the baby to get her own place to sleep, and buys a crib. From the baby’s point of view, this is a revolution, the collapse of the familiar world: “Here are my mom and dad, they put me to sleep with them for several months, rocked me to sleep, walked me, spared no effort to make me happy, and suddenly - bang! I was rejected, evicted to another room, where everything was alien and frightening! I don’t compare myself to a prisoner and I’m not afraid of the dark, because my infant mind does not know such concepts, but I am tormented by the question: “Where has everyone gone? Where are the relatives warm bodies who were always there?” And I cry - I can’t ask otherwise: “Where are you?” And they finally appear. They stroke me, ask me to be smart and sleep. But no one taught me how to fall asleep on my own. I’m still a baby!”
In my opinion, radical methods Not suitable for all children. Obviously, they were not suitable for the children whose parents turn to me for help. I myself prefer from the very beginning to stick to what I consider the golden mean. I call my method the “smart approach to sleep.”
Three phases of falling asleep
When falling asleep, the child goes through these three phases. The entire cycle lasts about 20 minutes.
Phase 1: "window". Your child cannot say, “I’m tired.” But he will demonstrate this to you by yawning and other fatigue. Before he yawns for the third time, put him in his crib. If this is not done, he will not go to the second phase of falling asleep, but will cry.
Phase 2: "blackout." The beginning of this phase is marked by the child’s characteristic gaze, frozen, directed to an unknown destination - I call it “a look into the distant distance.” The child holds it for 3-4 minutes, and although his eyes are open, he is not actually looking anywhere - his consciousness is hovering somewhere between reality and sleep.
Phase 3: "slumber". Now the child resembles a person who has dozed off on a train: his eyes close, his head falls on his chest or to the side. It seems that he has already fallen asleep, but that’s not the case: his eyes suddenly open, his head jerks back to its previous position, so that his whole body shudders. Then the eyelids drop again, and this is repeated again and again three to five times, after which he finally falls asleep.
What is a smart approach to sleep?
This is the middle way, denying any extremes. You will notice that my approach takes something from both of the described principles, but not all, since, in my opinion, the idea of “let him cry and go to sleep” is not compatible with a respectful attitude towards the child, and co-sleeping forces parents to sacrifice their interests. My principle takes into account the interests of the family as a whole, the needs of all its members. On the one hand, the baby must be taught to fall asleep on his own - he must feel comfortable and safe in his own crib. On the other hand, he also needs our presence to calm down after stress. You cannot begin to solve the first problem until the second is solved. At the same time, parents also need good rest, in time that they can devote to themselves and each other; their life should not revolve around the baby around the clock, but they should still devote a certain amount of time, energy and attention to the baby. These goals are not at all mutually exclusive. Next, I will tell you what a smart approach to sleep is based on, and with this in mind, you will solve all the problems facing you. Throughout the text of the chapter, I will give examples of the practical implementation of each element to make it easier for you to master the first “C” of my wonderful PASS (Nutrition - Activity - Sleep - Free time parents - read more about this in other chapters - approx. Maternity.ru).
Go where you want to go. If the idea of co-sleeping appeals to you, explore it thoroughly. Is this how you would like to spend every night for three months? Six months? Longer? Remember, everything you do is teaching your child. So, if you help him fall asleep by holding him to your chest or rocking him to sleep for 40 minutes, you are essentially telling him, “This is how you should fall asleep.” When you decide to take this path, you must be prepared to stick with it for a long time.
Independence does not mean being ignored. When I tell the mother or father of a newborn baby: “We must help her become independent,” they look up at me in amazement: “Independent? But Tracy, she’s only a few hours old!” “When do you think we should start?” - I ask.
No one, not even scientists, can answer this question, because we do not know when exactly a baby begins to comprehend the world in the full sense of the word. “So start right now!” - I urge. But teaching independence does not mean giving up crying alone. This means meeting the baby's needs, including holding her when she cries - because by doing this she is trying to tell you something. But once her needs are met, she needs to be let go.
Observe without interfering. You may remember that I already made this recommendation when talking about playing with a baby. This is also true for sleep. Whenever a child falls asleep, he goes through a sequence of certain phases (see “The Three Phases of Falling asleep”). Parents should know this sequence well so as not to violate it. We should not interfere with the natural processes of the child’s life, but observe them, giving the baby the opportunity to fall asleep on his own.
Do not make your child dependent on crutches. I call a “crutch” any object or any action, without which the child experiences stress. There is no hope that the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own if you convince him that daddy’s hands, half an hour of rocking or mommy’s nipple in his mouth are always at his service. As I noted in Chapter 4, I encourage the use of pacifiers, but not as a plug for a crying baby. Shoving a pacifier or breast into a baby's mouth to shut him up is simply rude. Moreover, if we do this or endlessly carry the baby in our arms, cradle and rock her to sleep, we actually make her dependent on the “crutch,” depriving her of the opportunity to develop self-soothing skills and learn to fall asleep without outside help.
By the way, a “crutch” is not at all the same as a transitional object - say, a plush toy or a blanket - that the child chooses himself and to which he becomes attached. Most babies under seven or eight months are not capable of this - the “attachments” of very young children are mostly formed by their parents. Of course, if your baby is soothed by a favorite toy hanging in her crib, let her have it. But I am against any things you give her to calm her down. Let her find her own ways to calm down.
Develop daytime and nighttime sleep rituals. Putting your child to bed during the day and evening should always be done routinely. I can't stress enough: babies are incredible traditionalists. They prefer to know what will happen next. Research has shown that even very young children, trained to expect certain stimuli, are able to anticipate them.
Learn your baby's sleep patterns. All “recipes” for putting a baby to sleep have general disadvantage: universal remedies can not be. One thing suits one, another suits another. Yes, I offer parents a lot of general recommendations, including introducing them to the phases of falling asleep that are common to all, but I always advise them to take a close look at their child, the one and only.
The best thing to do is keep a journal of your baby's sleep. In the morning, write down when he woke up, and add notes about each day's sleep. Note when he was put to bed in the evening and what time he woke up at night. Keep a journal for four days. This is enough to understand how your child’s sleep “works,” even if it seems that there is no system to it.
For example, Marcy was convinced that her eight-month-old Dylan's naps were completely random: “He never goes to sleep at the same time, Tracy.” But after four days of keeping an observation log, she noticed that although the time varies slightly, Dylan always falls asleep briefly between 9 and 10 a.m., sleeps another 40 minutes between 12:30 and 2 p.m., and by 5 p.m. he is always very cranky and cranky. irritated and switches off for about 20 minutes. This knowledge helped Marcy plan her day and, equally important, understand her baby’s behavior and mood. Taking into account Dylan's natural biorhythms, she arranged for him daily life, providing him with the opportunity to fully rest. When he began to be capricious, she better understood what was going on and whether he wanted to sleep, and reacted faster.
The Magic Road to Happiness
Remember how Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz had to follow the yellow brick road to find someone who could help her get home? After a series of mistakes and disappointments, she finally found this helper - her own wisdom. In fact, I help parents go through the same journey. Whether your child has healthy sleep is up to you, I explain. This needs to be learned, and the learning process begins and is carried out by parents. Exactly! The baby must be taught how to fall asleep correctly. The path to healthy sleep consists of the following steps.
Create conditions for sleep. Because babies have a strong need for predictability and repetition is the mother of learning, you should do and say the same things before every nap and night. Then, at her childish level of understanding, the baby will understand: “I see, that means I’ll sleep now.” Perform the same rituals in the same order. Say something like: “Well, my joy, it’s time to bye-bye.” When carrying your baby into her room, stay calm and speak quietly. Don't forget to check if it's time to change her diaper so that nothing gets in her way. Close the curtains. At the same time, I say: “Goodbye, sunshine, I’ll see you when I sleep,” or, if it happens in the evening and it’s dark outside: “ Good night, month". I think it is wrong to put a child to sleep in the living room or kitchen. It's rude to say the least. Would you like your bed to be in the middle? trading floor and people milling around? Of course not! So the child doesn’t want this.
Catch the signals. Just like adults, babies yawn when they become tired. Yawning is a natural reaction:
a tired body does not function optimally, and the amount of oxygen reaching the brain due to the work of the lungs, heart and circulatory system, decreases slightly. A yawn allows you to “swallow” more oxygen (try to imitate a yawn, and you will feel that your breath is getting deeper). I encourage parents to respond, if possible, to the baby’s first yawn—well, at least to the third. If you miss the signs of sleepiness (see Signs It's Time for Your Baby to Bed), certain types of babies, such as mimosas, will quickly become hysterical.
Advice. To create the right mood in your child, draw his attention to the pleasant aspects of relaxation. Sleep should not seem like a punishment or struggle to him. If you say “it’s time to go to bed” or “you’re tired, you need to rest” in the same tone as you would say “get out of sight, you ugly boy!”, then the child will grow up believing that daytime sleep they sentence juvenile criminals to exile in Siberia in order to deprive them of all pleasures.
The closer to the bedroom, the quieter the speech and the slower the movements. Adults like to read a book or watch TV before going to bed to take their mind off the worries of the day. Babies need distractions too. Before going to bed, bathing every night, and from the age of three months, massage will help the baby prepare for sleep. Even before my daytime rest, I always play a soothing lullaby. I sit with the baby in a rocking chair or on the floor for about five minutes so that she gets more tactile sensations. If you want, you can tell her a story or just whisper sweet words. However, the goal of all this is not to put the child to sleep, but to calm him down. Therefore, I immediately stop rocking the baby as soon as I see the “look into the distant distance” - the second phase of falling asleep - or notice that her eyelids droop, telling me that she is moving on to the third phase. (As for bedtime stories, it’s never too early to start, but I usually start reading aloud around six months, when the child can already sit and listen intently.)
Advice. Don't invite guests over when you put your child to bed. This is not a performance. The child wants to participate in everything. He sees the guests and knows that they came to visit him: “Wow, new faces! You can look at it and smile! So what, do mommy and daddy think I’ll fall asleep and miss all this? Well, I do not!"
First to bed, then to dreamland. Many people are sure that a child can be put to bed only when he falls asleep. This is mistake. Put the baby to bed at the beginning of the third phase - no the best way Help her learn to fall asleep on her own. There is another reason: think about how your baby feels when he falls asleep in your arms or in a rocking device, and for some reason wakes up in a crib. Imagine that I wait until you fall asleep and drag your bed out of the bedroom into the garden. You wake up and can’t understand anything: “Where am I? How did I end up here? Only, unlike you, a baby cannot conclude: “Oh, I see, someone dragged me here while I was sleeping.” The child will be disoriented, even scared. Eventually, he will no longer feel safe in his own bed.
When I put my baby in the crib, I always say the same words: “Now I’ll put you to bed, and you’ll go to sleep. You know how great it is and how wonderful you feel afterwards.” And I watch the baby closely. Before she lies down, she may become restless, especially when she shudders all over, which is characteristic of the third phase of falling asleep. There is no need to immediately pick up the child in your arms. Some children calm down on their own and fall asleep. But if the baby cries, gently and rhythmically pat her on the back - let her feel that she is not alone. However, remember: as soon as she stops fussing and whining, you need to immediately stop petting her. If you do this for longer than she really needs, she will begin to associate stroking and patting with falling asleep and will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.
Advice. I usually recommend placing the baby on his or her back. But you can also arrange it on its side, propping it up with two rolled towels or special wedge-shaped pillows, which are sold in most pharmacies. If your baby sleeps on his side, make sure the side changes.
If the road to dreamland is bumpy, give your child a pacifier. I like to use a pacifier in the first three months of a newborn's life - the period when we establish a routine. This saves the mother from having to replace the pacifier with her own presence. At the same time, I always warn that the pacifier should not be used uncontrollably - it should not turn into a “crutch”. At reasonable approach parents to this question, the baby selflessly sucks for six to seven minutes, then the sucking movements slow down, and, in the end, the pacifier falls out of the mouth. The baby has already spent as much energy on sucking as is needed to relieve tension, and is safely leaving for the kingdom of sleep. At this moment, some adults with the best intentions come up with the words: “Oh, poor thing, I lost my pacifier!” - and shove it back. Do not do that! If your baby needs a pacifier so that his sleep is not interrupted, he will let you know about it - he will start whining and making gurgling sounds.
So, whenever the PASS mode takes you to the first “C”, follow the rules described above - for most babies this is enough for them to develop positive associations with sleep. Let the same familiar steps lead your baby into the land of dreams, because for him predictability means safety. You will be surprised how quickly your baby will master the skills necessary to intelligently organized sleep. She will even wait until bedtime, because it is so pleasant, and after sleep you feel much more energetic. Of course, problems cannot be avoided: for example, if the baby
is overtired, teething or has a fever (see Normal Sleep Problems). But such days will be the exception to the rule.
Remember, in order to truly fall asleep, a child needs 20 minutes, and under no circumstances try to speed things up. You'll only break natural process falls asleep, and the baby gets nervous. Let's say if loud noise, a dog barking or a slammed door - whatever - will disturb her in the third phase, she will not fall asleep, but on the contrary, she will wake up, and everything will have to start all over again. The same thing happens to adults when they are about to fall asleep and suddenly phone call breaks the silence. If a person is irritated or nervous, it may be difficult for him to fall back to sleep. Babies are people too! They are just as nervous, the sleep cycle starts from scratch, and you have to wait another 20 minutes for your child to fall asleep. deep dream.
If you missed the window
If your baby is very young and you have not had time to thoroughly study his cries and body language, it is more than likely that you will not always be able to respond to his first, second or third yawn. If you have an “angel” or a “textbook”, it’s okay - these kids just need a little attention and affection to quickly return to normal. But with other types of babies, especially mimosas, it’s useful to have a trick or two in your stash in case you missed phase one, because the baby is about to become overtired. Yes, and sudden noise or other disturbances at any time can disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and if the baby becomes very worried, he will need your help.
First of all, I'll tell you what you should never do: don't rock. Do not walk around the room with your child, do not shake him
too energetic. Remember, he is already overstimulated. He cries because he has had enough stimulation and crying helps distract him from sounds and light. There is no need for you to further stimulate the activity of his nervous system. Moreover, this is where the formation usually begins bad habits. Mom or dad carry the child in their arms or rock them to sleep to help them fall asleep. When his weight exceeds 6.5 kg, they try to make him fall asleep without these “crutches”. Of course, the child protests, as if saying: “No, my dears, we don’t do that. You always rock me to sleep."
If you don't want to get into this vicious cycle, do the following to help your child calm down and disconnect from external stimuli.
Swaddling. After many months in the embryonic position, the newborn is not accustomed to open space. In addition, he does not yet know that his arms and legs are part of himself. An overtired baby must be placed in a motionless position, because he is terribly frightened at the sight of randomly moving limbs - it seems to him that someone else is plotting something against him. In addition, these impressions further burden the already overexcited nervous system. Swaddling is one of the oldest techniques to help a newborn calm down. It may seem old-fashioned, but also modern Scientific research confirm its effectiveness. To properly swaddle your baby, fold a square swaddle diagonally. Place the child on the resulting triangle so that the fold is approximately at the level of his neck. Place one of the baby's arms on his chest at an angle of 45? and wrap the body tightly with the appropriate corner of the diaper. Repeat on the other side. I recommend this type of swaddling for the first six weeks of life. After the seventh week, when the baby makes his first attempts to put his hands in his mouth, you need to give him this opportunity. Bend his arms at the elbows and leave his palms uncovered, closer to his face.
Soothing touches. Let the baby know that you are nearby and always ready to help him. Pat him rhythmically on the back, simulating heartbeats. You can also repeat “sh-sh... sh-sh... sh-sh...” - this will remind your baby of the sounds he heard in the womb. In a low, soothing voice, whisper in his ear: “Everything is fine” or “You just need to sleep.” For some time after you put the baby in the crib, continue to do what you did while you were holding him in your arms - patting, whispering. The transition from your arms to your own bed will be less abrupt.
Eliminate visual irritants. Visual stimuli - light, moving objects - are painful for an overtired baby, especially for mimosa. That's why we shade the room before we put the baby in the crib, but for some babies this isn't enough. If your baby is already lying down, place your palm over his eyes—not over his eyes—to block out visual stimuli. If you are still holding him, stand motionless in semi-darkness, or with a very overexcited child, in a completely dark room.
Don't follow your child's lead. An overtired baby can be very difficult for parents to cope with. It takes endless patience and determination, especially if bad bedtime behavior has become a habit. The child whines, the parents continue to stroke him, the crying becomes louder. Overloaded with stimuli, the baby cries incessantly until he reaches a deafening cry - very clear: “I have no more strength!” Here he takes a breath, and everything begins again. Usually the crying increases three times until the child finally calms down. But already on the second try, many parents’ nerves can’t stand it, and in despair they return to the usual “medicine”, be it motion sickness, breastfeeding, or a terrible shaking chair.
This is where the problem lies. As long as you continue to intervene, your baby will need your help to fall asleep. It doesn’t take much time for a baby to develop a dependence on a “crutch” - a few times are enough, because he still has a very short memory. Get started wrong and every day you repeat your mistake will reinforce your child’s unwanted behavior. People often come to me asking for help when the child’s weight reaches 6-7 kg and shaking him in his arms becomes burdensome. The most serious problems occur when the child is one and a half to two months old. I always tell parents, “You have to understand what's going on and take responsibility for your child's bad habits because you created them. And then the most difficult thing will happen: be determined and persistently instill in your baby new, correct behavioral skills.” (See Chapter 9 for more on developing bad habits.)
Peaceful sleep until the morning
Chapter about children's sleep would be incomplete without talking about when babies stop waking up in the middle of the night.
Let me first remind you that your baby’s “day” is 24 hours. She does not distinguish between day and night and has no idea what it means to “sleep until the morning without waking up.” This is your desire (and need). Sleeping through the night is not an innate ability, but an acquired skill. You must accustom her to this and give her an idea of the difference between day and night. To this end, I offer the following reminder tips to parents.
Be guided by the principle “as much as has gone, so much has arrived.” For example, if he was very capricious in the morning, and instead of the next feeding he sleeps for an extra half hour, you will leave him alone, knowing that he needs this rest (if he lived on a strict schedule, you would wake him up). But don't forget common sense. Do not allow your baby to sleep more than one feeding cycle during the day, i.e. more than three hours, otherwise he will not sleep at night. I guarantee: no baby who slept six hours during the day without a break will sleep more than three hours at night. And if your child does this, you can be sure that he has confused day with night. The only way“call him to order” - wake him up, and his night’s sleep will increase by exactly the same number of hours as the day’s sleep has decreased.
“Fill the tank full.” It sounds rough, but in order for a baby to sleep through the night, he must have full stomach. Therefore, from the age of six weeks, I recommend the following two feedings: pair feedings - every two hours in the run-up to sleep - and a sleep feeding just before you go to bed. For example, you give your baby the breast (or bottle) at 18:00 and 20:00 and arrange “sleep” feeding at 22:30 or 23:00. During this last feeding, the baby does not wake up, so its name should be taken literally. In other words, you carefully take the baby in your arms and touch her lightly lower lip nipple or pacifier, and let her be satisfied, and your job is to try not to wake her. When she finishes sucking, avoid burping. During sleep feedings, babies are so relaxed that they do not swallow air. Remain silent. Do not change the diaper unless it is soaking wet or soiled. With these two tricks, most babies can skip the night feedings because they've consumed enough calories for five to six hours.
Advice.“Sleepy” feeding of the artificial baby can be entrusted to the dad. At this time, most men are already at home, and they usually like this assignment.
Use a pacifier. If the pacifier does not turn into a “crutch”, this is a great help in helping you skip night feedings. A child weighing 4.5 kg or more, consuming at least 700-850 g of formula or having six to eight breastfeedings per day (four to five per daytime and two or three mated before bedtime), does not need another feeding in the middle of the night, so as not to die of hunger. If he still wakes up, then it's all about the sucking reflex. This is where a pacifier comes in handy, if you use it correctly. Let's say your baby usually needs 20 minutes of night feeding. If he wakes up crying, demands a breast or a bottle and is content with five minutes after sucking some drops, it is better to give him a pacifier.
On the first night, he will most likely suck on it for those 20 minutes until he falls into a deep sleep. The next night, perhaps, it will cost 10 minutes, and on the third he will not wake up at all at the usual time of night feeding, but will only fidget in his sleep. If he does wake up, give him a pacifier. In other words, instead of a bottle or breast, a pacifier is quite suitable. Gradually, the baby will completely stop waking up for this.
This was exactly the case with Cody, Juliana's son. Cody weighed 6.8 kg, and Juliana, after careful observation, realized that the boy woke up at 3:00 out of habit. Cody sucked from the bottle for about 10 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Juliana asked me for a visit, first of all, to make sure that her conclusion was correct (however, from her description alone I realized that she was right). Besides, she wanted Cody to learn how to wake up at this time. I spent three nights at their house. The first night, I took Cody out of his crib and gave him a pacifier instead of a bottle, which he sucked on for 10 minutes, just like he was used to sucking on a bottle. The next night I left him in his crib, gave him a pacifier, and this time he only nursed for three minutes. On the third night, as expected, Cody whimpered a little at 3:15, but did not wake up. That's all! From that moment on, he slept peacefully until six or seven in the morning.
Don't run up to the child. A baby's sleep is intermittent, so it is unwise to respond to any sound. I often convince parents to get rid of the damned “baby monitors”, which in an amplified form convey to their ears any sigh or squeak of the baby. These things turn parents into frantic panickers! I keep repeating: you need to understand the difference between a response and a rescue operation. When parents respond to a child's needs, the child grows up confident and unafraid to explore the world. But if his parents constantly “save” him, then he becomes imbued with doubts about his abilities. He does not develop the character traits and skills necessary to explore the world and feel calm and comfortable in it.