I remember a wonderful moment of redoing it for my nephew. Remade funny poems

Housing and communal services surprises...

I remember a wonderful moment
turned on the heating when it was hot:

My mother-in-law has a fever
turned on the heater, stupid...
From the terrible hot stuffiness
died right at the stove!

My father-in-law immediately - “soft-boiled eggs”!
Now he's at the dacha. Squat
It’s hard to water the cucumbers there...
Housing and communal services guys, you are great!

I remember a wonderful moment
You appeared on the monitor,
And despite the general contempt,
I wrote a letter to you!

The answer made my heart beat faster,
I’m generally silent about the photo...
And I made an appointment for you,
Out of happiness I thought I would fly!

But there on the fountain square,
I only learned about one thing -
What do you know about Photoshop?
More skillful than Raphael's pen!

I remember a wonderful moment -
I sat down on a big tree stump,
What a regret, anyway.
That there was a bitch there.

This is how my whole life is, now a hedgehog, now a twig,
All life flows according to chance,
But the case can be controlled -
I can break off a knot!

It's a bummer for the bitch, but for me it's science -
Look where you're sitting, bitch!

Standard for the faint of heart

I remember a wonderful moment
When I met you again.
Your tongs are crawling
I pretended not to notice

I don't know your intentions
There's nothing left to spoil now
And you are so beautiful
I bought a sweet cake for tea...

We sat peacefully in the kitchen
But I'm absolutely calm
The spirit of the ancient wise men appeared to me.
We sit with you and we feel comfortable

I'm glad to see your eyes and manners
To your lips, in short.
But still I took action
I turned off the power to everything in the apartment

I put away all the scissors and forks,
Knives, all the blades in addition,
He sent them to his relatives in a parcel,
So that I don’t find it, how else?

After all, I remember everything in the past perfectly,
The crutch was changed not far away.
The flame in your soul has not gone out,
As soon as the body was mutilated.

I remember a wonderful moment:
We logged out with you
And multibyte communication
Left traces in my soul.

Traces... More precisely - memories
Your magical tenderness.
My awkward confessions
That there is no one closer to you.

I'm not a poet. Yes! I am not Pushkin.
Not Lermontov, not Tyutchev and not Blok.
But, you must admit, poets did not write
Short and convenient programs.

I am a computer programmer! And in this word
All the power of a seemingly careless mind,
Where thoughts, feelings are all one,
Where formulas are the world, and management teams are the country!

I remember a wonderful moment
you appeared before me...
Fuck you ghost
I fucked such dreams in my mouth.
**********************
when I finish ped,
then I'll get a dog,
I'll call him Sasha and
I'll beat you in the ass
(dedicated to Gaiduk Sasha)

Wonderful Minsk radio, I don’t remember exactly which one, news broadcast.
The presenter talks about the worsening situation in Iraq:
"... a member of the interim manager stated...".
I've heard about ventriloquists, but for ventriloquists - with such
the government is not afraid of anything.

I REMEMBER A WONDERFUL MOMENT...

I remember a wonderful moment
In the anxiety of worldly vanity,
Like a fleeting vision
Your features are covered.

In the middle of a noisy ball, by chance,
You appeared before me,
I saw you, but secretly -
Like a genius of pure beauty.

In the anxiety of a wonderful moment,
Among the noise of worldly bustle
I saw your vision:
The bed, the blanket and you.

The features were hidden by vision,
A veil of complete beauty,
You ate jam with a spoon
In the anxiety of worldly vanity.

There is an awakening in my soul
And your whole thoughtful look,
Both deity and inspiration
Since then it has been ringing in my heart.

I liked your thin figure,
They rose again before me
And the voice, sometimes tender, sometimes ringing,
And laughter, and tears, and love.

And so amid the noisy ball,
As a friend later told me,
I stood with my mouth open,
And kissed you quietly.

I remember a wonderful moment:
I ate delicious jam
Inspiration arose in my soul, -
I wrote a poem.

About how in a wonderful moment
I ate delicious jam
How did the inspiration come about?
How to compose a poem.

About how... etc.

I remember a wonderful moment
When I took off my gas mask,
And the clean air hit my nose,
And tears flowed from my eyes,
I won't forget this afternoon
In the distance there is a darkening forest,
Oh, how beautiful you are nature,
When the forced march is over!

In short, I was thinking the other day that the poems of Pushkin and others like him in our time, in the writing in which they were, do not correspond to the modern perception of people and especially children. Thus, I decided to remake one of Push’s poems so that it would be clear to a modern person what it is about. To begin with, I will present Pushkin’s original, which is already familiar to many.

I remember a wonderful moment:
You appeared before me,
Like a fleeting vision
Like a genius of pure beauty.

In the languor of hopeless sadness
In the worries of noisy bustle,
A gentle voice sounded to me for a long time
And I dreamed of cute features.

Years passed. The storm is a rebellious gust
Dispelled old dreams
And I forgot your gentle voice,
Your heavenly features.

In the wilderness, in the darkness of imprisonment
My days passed quietly
Without a deity, without inspiration,
No tears, no life, no love.

The soul has awakened:
And then you appeared again,
Like a fleeting vision
Like a genius of pure beauty.

And the heart beats in ecstasy,
And for him they rose again
And deity and inspiration,
And life, and tears, and love.

Pushkin’s version seemed far from understanding to me, so I submit to your judgment a reworking of this verse in a modern way. So,

EDITOR:

I remember exactly this hour
Tell me where you came from
It's like I saw a glitch
Along the way my woman

Depression has set in here
And these traffic jams every day
I remembered what I said
And slept poorly, like an old stump

Over the years it got very twisted
And I no longer dreamed of something
Didn't remember what I said
I missed my moment...

When did the light break in Mytishchi?
I barely made it through those days
I was afraid to sit without women
There's no time for love anymore

Here the depression is gone
I saw you again
You somehow flew past
And she didn't see me

My heart immediately skipped a beat
And I remembered something again
About the fact that I'm ready again
For life, and tears, and love

I love the storm in early May,
It's crazy, and there's no barn!
Guts hanging on wires
Skeletons run around in the bushes
And our beloved Jackie Chan,
He is looking for his head of cabbage across the field.

There is a green oak near Lukomorye.
There is Internet on Tom oak
There's a scientist cat hanging out in ICQ,
Discarding songs for later
There on unknown paths
Excellent reception by Megafon
There's an old miller in a barrel of beer
Prince Guidon himself rushes across the sea,
The princess writes SMS to everyone,
And the gray wolf is looking for his player,
There, Tsar Koschey is wasting away on the site.
There is a wonderful spirit there, there is a smell of Rolton...

There are 33 heroes in the trash looking for 3 rubles,
And old uncle Chernomor,
I've already stolen fifty dollars somewhere.
There on unknown paths
Skeletons wander around in sandals.
Traces of broken Lada cars...
There's a Mercedes on chicken legs.
It stands without windows and doors.
There is a stupa with Baba Yaga
He stubbornly strives for flour.
There Tsar Koschey walks around the market
And it leads to speculation...

Where does the homeland begin?
From security at the airport,
From impudent and angry border guards,
With a crooked cigarette in his mouth.

Or maybe it's starting
With the curse word “fuck-your-mother”,
And other curse words that
Strangers will never understand...

Where does the homeland begin?
From a shoe that stepped into the mud,
From the car near the exit
It stalled and wouldn't start.

Or maybe it's starting
From sausages that have been stale for a long time,
From the gloomy guys at the exchanger,
With pop music playing everywhere.

No! It begins
From ordinary normal people:
Responsive, sensitive, attentive,
Those who meet us at the door.

This is where the homeland begins,
Which is better - no need, and no,
Since even before departure,
We took a return ticket...

Each drunkenness has its own special smell:
The liqueur smells like secret fantasies of freedom.
Champagne smells of coquetry and flirtation.
Broken face - with diluted alcohol.
Cognac smells of debauchery and passion.
Explosive positive - absinthe on an empty stomach.
The wine tastes like an expensive restaurant.
The vermouth smells like drunken giggling.
Cocktails smell like debauchery and courage.
The drunkard reeks of intoxicating leaven.
Loss of ability to move - vodka.
The desire to walk through the women is a shot of whiskey.
Gin smells like the desire to get drunk beautifully.
Beer is distinguished by the desire to pour.
A heavy hangover in the morning - Armagnac...
And only sobriety does not smell at all!

I remember a wonderful moment:
You appeared before me...
I dreamed about beer with lust,
But I bought you flowers.

Didn't say a word to you
We are tormented by spiritual thirst.
And you are offended, cow.
I decided that I was stupid and unsociable.

Once upon a time in the cold winter time
I'm sitting behind bars in a damp dungeon
I look up the mountain slowly
A young eagle raised in captivity.
And it’s important to walk in decorous calm
My sad comrade flapping his wing,
In big boots, in a short sheepskin coat
Bloody food is pecked under the window.

Our Tanya is crying loudly
a ball bounces on your head
the ball is made of lead
These are dad jokes!

Lukomorye has a huge stump
It's been around for a year.
He's shabby and hungry
A black cat is curled up and dozing.

They cut down an oak tree one morning
They let us in for firewood.
Commerce is pretty cool
Download your rights here.

And the gold chain for currency
Sold beyond the border.
Poor cat took a nap for a minute
And now he is without a gold chain.

The mermaid was quickly turned around
By setting up a striptease bar.
And with this deal the tycoons
They have their own big profit.

Oil stains glisten on the sea
And thirty-three heroes
They won't dare to death
Go out on patrol to the seas.

Everywhere you look there is a miracle
In the old days,
Now everyone has fled from here,
The hut is not visible.

Yaga for the entrance, in the co-optoilet
He takes money from us.
And the fairy tale is no longer in the world,
Nobody is waiting for her now.

Having created fields, forests, animals
On the sixth day, the Lord was tired,
But still he sculpted people
He looked at them and said:
Adam is very handsome, I admit,
And Eva is very faded
Come on, I have no doubt
She will do her own makeup.
Then sitting on a cloud,
Feeling pain in my heart,
Taking a closer look at Eve again
God invented alcohol...

Our Tanya is crying loudly.
She dropped a ball into the river.
Tanya cry louder -
The damn ball floats away.

Life goes over the edge
At least lie down and die.
In the morning at Tatiana's school
I had a headache or something.

And he and his friend Ira
We drank a little beer.
After the fifth glass
The director found them.

Tanya got angry about something
And how long was it there?
In a state of susceptibility -
Then she sent her off with obscenities.

The headmistress got wound up
In general, the fight began.
Well, somehow drunk there,
Tatyana's nose was broken.

The point is not that the eye is blackened -
Her heart hurts.
Tanya without warning
The guy left on Sunday.

How can I not hang myself here?
In the fourth month.
Everything would be fine
If only I knew from whom.

Later Tanya walked home
She carried the ball in front of her.
There were few failures.
Dropped a ball into the river.

“My uncle is a famous lawyer,
He's raking in a ton of money.
And, really, it would be appropriate
I should go see him today.
The scholarship is oh-oh far away,
How will I celebrate the New Year?
When you don't have a spear in your pocket?
No, now I’m going to my uncle...
Although I really don’t feel like going,
What to talk about with an old man?
He's almost a stranger to me.
But New Year? Oh, I'm going, whatever!
I'll ask you questions, I'll make you laugh
And by the way, I’ll ask for money.”

The queen gave birth in the night
Either son or daughter
I looked and spat
And she put it back!!!

There is a wonderful city near the Lukomorye,
He is already over eight hundred.
There's a stray cat there day and night
There are mermaids grazing along the roads.

There are no green oaks there at all,
But near busy highways
Oak trees in uniform stand in the shade
And they demand greenery from us.

There on magazine covers
Baba Yaga on chicken legs -
Kohl paid a million
Now she is a sex standard.

There are lawyers wandering around there in twos
And they divide power in half,
Then they start a false song,
That's what fairy tales tell us.

Thieves live there, they don’t bother,
Prosecutors serve them faithfully.
The official is there in front of all the people
He chops cabbage in passing.

There the oligarch is wasting away over gold.
It doesn't even smell like Russia there.
There's honey flowing from the treasury,
But it doesn't get into our mouths.

Eugene's fate kept -
Only his legs were crushed,
And just once, with a push in the stomach,
They told him: “Idiot!”
He, remembering the old order,
I wanted to end the dispute with a duel,
I reached into my pocket, but someone stole it
His gloves have been around for a long time.
In the absence of such
Onegin remained silent and became silent.

Worker:
- Oh, director, you are powerful,
You are chasing flocks of clouds,
You force me to do it on Saturday too
Show us off to work.
Al will you refuse me an answer?
Have you seen anywhere in the world
Are you an annual salary?
I'm looking for her...

Director:
- Wait... There is a mountain in the north,
There is a deep hole in it,
In that hole on three ropes
The coffin swings from gold.
Your salary is in that coffin.