Funny phrases for all occasions. Cool expressions and phrases for any occasion

From time to time, each of us needs to hear cheerful words to smile. Therefore, in search Have a good mood, we resort to various collections of cool expressions and phrases. When you are cheerful, the whole world smiles back at you.

Every day we hear a lot of short, cool phrases, but not all of them remain in our ears, and even fewer are remembered. The origin of a funny phrase is forgotten, but the meaning remains, especially if the phrase is funny.

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. We offer our selection of cool expressions and phrases for free, and let no one be left without a smile! Use every minute in your life!

Usually it is funny, cool phrases that unite companies. Short, funny phrases with meaning most fully reflect the good mood of people in society, have a positive effect on their worldview, and help determine common interests. And it doesn’t matter at all whether the new cool phrases about love are lines from a book, a chorus from a song, lines from a movie or cartoon.

Short funny expressions and funny phrases will be appreciated by cheerful people with a good sense of humor. On our website we decided to delight you with our cool phrases and expressions.

Short funny phrases will help cheer up your friends

The main meaning of funny phrases is that they describe exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. Cool phrases about life will help cheer up your friends during a friendly feast. Cool phrases and aphorisms can cheer up during a difficult and difficult period.

There are a lot of cool phrases and aphorisms. Cool phrases and sayings are excerpts taken from works of art, modern films or cartoons.

Mostly cool expressions about life are taken not from books, but from TV and the Internet. Many cool expressions and phrases are full of meaning. The coolest expressions are various puns, or seriousness taken to the point of absurdity. Odessa humor is very multifaceted and many funny expressions become classics.

These cool expressions never get old and always remain relevant. For example, a lot of cool expressions are taken from lines of works of art. Many well-known funny expressions with meaning are taken from the classics of world cinema, which are so pleasant for the older generation to remember.

Free cool expressions and funny sayings

Funny cool expressions about love will help to amaze your companion or companion with wit. Cool words and expressions will also come in handy if you need to correct awkward situation or an oversight. Most relevant funny sayings and expressions in the company of friends.

Meet with friends, enjoy life with our cool aphorisms and expressions, and also enjoy your thoughts and the thoughts of your friends.

There are many short, cool phrases and expressions. But we have selected for you only the coolest ones, which in our opinion deserve the most attention. Our selection of the coolest phrases and expressions for people who love to have fun and make other people laugh. We invite you to read our free funny phrases and expressions to lift your mood.

Cool expressions and funny phrases to cheer you up

People want a good life, but they always give them a fun one.
Things are never as good with money as they are bad without them.
I found my place in life, but it’s occupied...
Just because you did everything right doesn't mean everything will be fine for you.
Real loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night and no one understands you.
The Minister of Finance sincerely believed that money does not buy happiness.
Study, study and study again, because you still won’t find a job!
They lived happily ever after until they learned that others lived longer and happier lives.
Life is divided into two stages - first there is no mind, then there is no health.
Smoking is harmful, drinking is disgusting, and it is a pity to die healthy.
Very often you learn about the best moments of life from eyewitnesses.
They learn from mistakes, and after mistakes they heal.
Army Canapes Recipe: Simply place a piece of bread on top of another piece of bread.
Money comes and goes and goes and goes...
Once you find your soulmate, other soulmates start wandering around and make you doubt.
Not everyone who comes out into public manages to remain human.
Clicked the mouse...
Classics are a type of literature that people prefer to praise rather than read.
When a person begins to consider himself wiser, he stops becoming wiser.
When appointing a martyr, the consent of the applicant is not required.
They don’t believe in rheumatism or love until the first attack.
This world is strange, where two people look at the same thing, but see the exact opposite.
We would care less about what others think of us if we knew how little they think of us at all.
Only after experiencing the dark everyday life do you begin to appreciate the gray ones.
Don't force your happiness on me, I have my own!
What could you wish for so as not to envy you later?
It's good that you are accepted as one of their own. It's bad that it's in a pigsty.
Sometimes you don’t want to suffer foolishly, but can you really refuse her?
An honest person who dreams of becoming a politician must remember that reverse reincarnation is, in principle, impossible.
Human rights end where the rights of the stronger person begin.
In the life of a real programmer there is only room for two females: Asya and Klava. Well, apart from my mother.
I don't regret the past, I'm sad about the future that died in it.
Do you want sweet dreams? - Fall asleep in the cake!
If you are harnessed, then don’t expect any more carrots.
What roof doesn't like driving fast?
Is a bogatyr someone who steals from the rich?
The quality of a miracle is easy to determine: even eyewitnesses do not believe in a real miracle.
When you begin to delve into the essence of any sale, you remember that in Russian the words “discount” and “throw” are the same root.
Previously, court jesters rang bells, but now they use special signals.
If sport were as useful as we are told, then there would be five Jews hanging on each horizontal bar.
If you see only the good in everything, then you won’t change anything for the better.
All men are the same, only their salaries are different.
If a woman tries to preserve her virginity before marriage, she has many chances to maintain it until retirement.
He knew how to do everything... True, he couldn’t do anything.
Everything would be fine, but this nothing is too much.
Became a vegetarian - switched to weed...
If people constantly laugh at you, it means you bring joy to people.
Every person has exactly as much vanity as he lacks intelligence.
A lot changes in Russia in five years, almost nothing changes in two hundred years.
Attractive women are distracting.
Forecasters, like sappers, make only one mistake.
But every day.
What date is May Day?
God, I'm a cow.
Smoking warns: the Ministry of Health is a sneak.
If you catch a mouse, eat slowly.
If your armpit smells, change the rug.
Do you fly in your dreams? Sleep at home.
If it weren't for my legs, I wouldn't be here.
The height of freedom is round dances.
Don't dance, I'll get more.
If everything is beautiful in a person, it means that this is not our person!
Baldness is the process of replacing combing with washing.
Today we drink dry wine! Pour it in!
An ideal marriage: she plays first fiddle, and he doesn’t care (E. Kashcheev)
If money doesn’t make you happy, then it’s not yours.
In Russia, the people have not yet said their word, but it is already written on the fence...
A person has either a sense of humor or schadenfreude.
Each pioneer must hand over 15 kg of waste paper to the state and two who do not hand over.
While I was not serving, I slept peacefully, I knew that they were guarding me. During the service, he slept poorly and was guarded. After the service I don’t sleep at all... I know who’s guarding
It is indecent to show up to an organized drinking party in person disorganizedly drunk!
The slower the train goes, the wider the expanses of our Motherland.
Never have books emitted so much light as in the fires of the Inquisition.
If it were not for sclerosis, I would constantly think about my people.
Scientists have found that the most understandable language on Earth is Chinese. 1.5 billion people understand it.
The small is a well-nibbled big.
Physics has been canceled in Estonian schools so as not to traumatize children with the concept of “speed.”
Be sure to write aphorisms - they will make your therapist’s work easier...
Our monastery asked the Holy Synod whether it is possible to pray while smoking, and they told us - it is possible! Since then, our monks have been smoking during prayer...
A man is a homing system.
Only until the end of the month! Everyone who buys a satellite dish will receive a satellite spoon and a satellite plug as a gift!

As one comedian put it, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, and why not smile at the funny statements of other people. Laughter is important for human health and morale. It prolongs life, promotes a positive perception of events, and shows that you definitely shouldn’t be discouraged in any situation. Let's dive into a whole list of funny sayings that can be useful for expanding your vocabulary.

Sometimes one short sentence can lift your mood for the whole day. People often say the funniest phrases without thinking. That's why they turn out to be incredibly funny.

Here are ten phrases that can make you smile and make you think.

The son of an avid poker player cannot understand whether his father loves him or not.
A small group of smart climbers have circumnavigated Mount Everest. – It’s not for nothing that they say that a smart person doesn’t go uphill.
Recently my wife said: “We are not close enough for me to weigh myself in front of you!”
Wisdom does not always come with age; sometimes old age comes alone.

When a compliment doesn’t make you happy: “Darling, there is no woman better than you! Yesterday I was convinced of this again!”
Modern world: There is no more tragic story in the world than the one about the lost Internet.
A little about education: a diploma allows you to make mistakes much more confidently.
An optimist is confident that he lives in the best of all worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is true. – What does a realist do?

Born yourself - help another. – A very effective motto of China.
Don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do. The main thing to remember is that the ark was built by an amateur, while professionals built the Titanic.

Funny phrases from films

A great way to cheer up is to watch a good movie. Let's remember the funny moments from Soviet and other films.

Here I am walking beautifully along the street, and the men around me are falling and falling... And they themselves are stacked in piles! (Film “Girls”).

Either aristocrats or degenerates drink champagne in the morning! ("The Diamond Arm").
If a woman asks for something, you must give it to her. Otherwise she will take it herself. (“The Man from the Boulevard des Capucines”).

Make a mysterious face, fool! ("Dog's heart").
Well, citizens are alcoholics, hooligans, parasites... Who wants to work today? (“Operation Y and other adventures of Shurik”).

I have no time to look after. You are attractive, I am damn attractive. Why waste time? I'm waiting at midnight. (“An Ordinary Miracle”).
- How did you end up in the Spanish monastery?
- I took it for a brothel. Easy to confuse. ("Pirates of the Caribbean").

You dream of playing as a striker, but they use you as a ball. ("Taxi")
- If I were your wife, I would leave too. - If you were my wife, I would hang myself! (“Ivan Vasilyevich is changing his profession”).

- Who writes? - Anonymous. - God gave me a surname. (“Queen of the Gas Station”)

Funny phrases to cheer you up

The main thing is to maintain a positive attitude. Here are a few phrases that will come in handy at a time when the mood does not want to rise at all, people only upset, things fall, and wages do not grow.

A little philosophy: The attitude towards others depends greatly on why they surrounded you.
We describe our state correctly: I’m in such a good mood today that I can’t say it in a fairy tale or formulate it with obscenities.
Who said that laziness cannot be combined with a rebellious spirit: I lie on the couch all day and nothing can stop me, because I have no brakes!

Always go towards your dreams. Tired of walking? Then crawl. No strength to crawl? Feel free to lie down and lie in the direction of your dreams.
Why did you decide that I am vindictive? I have quite bad memory, you have to write everything down.
It is believed that the color orange can improve your mood. Tip: Scatter five thousand dollar bills throughout the house. Great mood guaranteed!
I came to work in no mood. She ruined it for everyone. I sit and smile.

When even a vacation in the garden is perceived with humor: And everywhere I went. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I'm thinking about where to go this year.
Everyone has a hobby. Some people collect stamps, others collect ship models. My husband has been assembling a wardrobe from Ikea for three years.
Even if I fall face first into the mud, it will be healing.

Funny phrases for conversation

Let's replenish lexicon funny expressions.

I was about to leave, but then they poured it again.– There is always a reason to stay.
We don’t need someone else’s, but we will definitely take ours, no matter whose it is.– How to stupefy your interlocutor.
I would look at you forever - through an optical sight.- But sincerely and sincerely.
I don't know how it should be, but you're doing it wrong. – A very relevant phrase.
Being bitten by mosquitoes, he fell into the sin of foul language.- A witty explanation.
I'm not slow - I just think smoothly.- Not a bad excuse
Why do I need a waist? I'm married now.- Really.
Tell me, should I help you or not interfere?
If your conscience torments you at night, try sleeping during the day.

Hitting on girls funny phrases

Girl, help me. I bought pasta, but I have no idea what to do with it (if I answered with advice, then I add: “Can I always consult with you?”).
Girl, how much is your smile worth? I would love to buy one!
Would you like me to give you a ride on the escalator?
You obviously don't like men. To be honest, me too.

What do you think a nice man should say to a nice girl when he meets him on the street, so as not to be rejected?
I have amnesia - haven’t I approached you yet?
Can you tell me what time it is? My watch suddenly went backwards.
I collect signatures of the cutest girls. Could you put yours?
Pretends to pick up a bill from the floor. “Girl, is this yours? Not yours? It turns out I found it! Maybe we can drink it together?”
A man walks past the girl, then turns sharply and asks: “Didn’t you just pinch me?.. No?.. It’s a pity...”

Funny catchphrases

Phrases said precisely to the point can help you get ready and lift your spirits even in the most exciting moment. Some words describe what is happening so vividly that you want to include them in your vocabulary and delight people with the sharpness of your own expressions.

Phrases from the resilient actress Faina Ranevskaya:

“If a patient wants to live, then medicine is powerless”
“Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house and the alarm clock rings”
“Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten.”

What are V.S.’s performances worth? Chernomyrdin, who created new themes for parodists:

“We will live badly, but not for long.”

Chaplin on women:

“A woman can make any billionaire man a millionaire.”

Mikhail Zadornov about life:

“The most harmful thing is life. Everyone dies from it."
“They lived happily ever after until they met each other!”

Mark Twain on important matters:

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

From the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears”

“Sometimes you hear such nonsense, but it turns out to be a point of view”
“Don’t teach me, better help me financially.”

Funny phrases of children

Children are spontaneous, open to everything new, they have a vivid imagination, which sometimes surprises adults. Small child and older children easily find a non-standard answer in any situation, and their philosophical thoughts make them not only smile, but also think.

How to ask for what you really want:

- Ma-a-am, I’m thirsty. Just not milk... and not tea... Compote. Or juice. Or better yet, chocolate!

Children's friendship:

I ask my five-year-old son:
- Dima, do you have a friend Vova?
- Yes.
- Doesn’t he offend anyone in kindergarten?
- Mom, we offend together. We're best friends!

- Mom, can I go for a walk?
- With this hole in the tights?
- No, with Svetka from the third floor.

Cunning:

- Mom, let's get a brother or sister. Dad won’t even notice, he’s always at work anyway.

Children need to be surprised:

My daughter got stuck to the rattles in the store.
Mother says:
- Let's go to another department. Maybe there is something more interesting there.
The daughter answers:
- Okay, surprise me.

From the Unified State Exam essay in social studies:

If you can’t live in society, the only thing left to do is live with a girl.

When a child asks smart questions:

“Mom, why did you teach me to talk and walk, and now you make me sit silently?”

Excerpts from essays on Russian language and literature:

“He lived with the horse for twenty years...”
“At first the geese swam smoothly, and then they began to make movements under the lambada. This is the last dance."
“Today’s marriages are like the union of a tick and a dog. But the situation is worsened by the fact that usually there are two ticks and not a single dog in a marriage.”

Funny short birthday phrases

Toasts are often made on birthdays. Long toasts are not always perceived by ear, especially if they are too serious. Therefore, you can please your guests with funny short toasts and wishes.

Let's drink to your coffin, dear friend. A coffin that will be made from a hundred-year-old oak tree that has not yet been planted.
In ancient times, or not very long ago. or maybe it was a long time ago. Okay... Lived... or maybe lived... Doesn't matter! Let's drink to the birthday boy!
A little arithmetic: a dacha is “0”, a car and a garage are “0”, an apartment is “0”, money is “0”, health is “1”. Let's drink to the fact that the life of our birthday boy will consist of one unit and then many, many zeros.
Nature in each of the people rises either as grains or as weeds. This toast is for watering the first and tearing out the second. Let's drink, friends, to the birthday boy who managed to grow a beautiful garden within himself!
D Let's drink to the hadron collider, and to the fact that in an hour no one will be able to utter this word.
There is no need to run after a woman like a runaway bus. Remember that the next bus is behind you.
Let's drink to ensuring that buses run as often as possible!
A streak of failure often turns out to be an upswing.
Here's to our joyful prospects on this runway!
Let's drink so that you have everything and you have nothing for it!
Dear friend, I wish that you always have light heart and heavy pockets!

Funny phrases of wishes

I wish your whole life to be dirty and dark...
Let the money be like dirt, and happiness makes your eyes darken.
Buddy,
Remember, we will always come to your rescue...
And the more revenue, the better!

I wish you to have everything in this life: both expected pleasures and pleasant surprises!

Today is your birthday,
This means you need to have a blast!
After all, you will have a whole year,
To have time to recover a little!

You say “hello” to me!
And I say “hello!” to you.
It’s great that we both say hello!

Congratulations, my “old stick”! I wish you incredible fun, love without boundaries and health like a horse!

I would like to wish you a very modest life. For a car without a roof, only old wine, and blue cheese.

Congratulations! Live without enemies and without horns, have success and dreams without interference.

Friend, on your holiday I feel like a Bedouin in the desert who has not seen water... I really want to drink!

Let's drink to the birthday girl, in whose honor such wonderful, cheerful, worthy and modest people like us have gathered!

Funny phrases from cartoons

And now funny phrases from your favorite cartoon characters.

“Where it’s flabby, there’s tenderness!” (Kung Fu Panda)

Good advice: “Never say: “I was mistaken,” rather say, “Wow, how interesting it turned out!” ( glacial period)

- So where is this damn creature?
- Inside. Waiting for us to save her.
- No, I'm talking about the dragon (Shrek)

– As they say – leave your ass in the past!
- No, leave the past behind you! (Timon and Pumbaa)

“If the cabin depressurizes, put on an oxygen mask so that other passengers do not see the horror on your face...” (Madagascar)

“You made me dress up as a modest rabbit, and chose a bright and beautiful suit for yourself. This is not comradely" (Kopatych from the cartoon "Smeshariki")

“Well, who leaves a child alone at the skating rink? what if I break and fall” (Masha and the Bear).

- Mr. Krabs, but I had a dream!
- So what? And I had kidney stones. Time heals everything, my boy (SpongeBob).

“Who, for example, is the ultimate king here? No one? So I’ll be the first!” (Last year's snow fell)

“The right company is the kind of company where they will treat me to something and listen to my Grumpy with pleasure.” (Winnie the Pooh)

Odessa funny phrases

Learning to joke sparklingly when communicating and always find a witty answer to any question is a great art. Odessa humor is distinguished by its uniqueness and the fact that it is born precisely in the course of conversations. That's why it's so lively and diverse. Let's look at the humor in the dialogues of Odessa residents, who can incredibly quickly find original answers to any questions.

Self-irony:
- Faina, describe your appearance.
- You can get used to it...

- Syoma, do you love your wife?
- Certainly! Why is she worse than others?
The main thing is persistence:
- Syoma, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go through it again?
A reminder in the toilet in one Jewish family: “Don’t just sit there, think about something.”
Marriage:
- Do you agree to take Faina as your wife?
- Do you have better options?
“God protects those who are careful,” thought the bride when he ran out of paste in his pen during the marriage registration.
Grandma really liked Skype.
- No, look how useful this thing is! It’s like there are guests, but there’s no need to feed them.

- Darling, you and I have only been married for the first day, and we’re already about to quarrel...
- I’ve been waiting for this day for two years!
- Benya, I still promise you that in six years we will live better than in this Europe!
- Why will this happen to them?

A little Odessa hospitality:
- Oh, dears, come again! It’s so good without you later!

Funny phrases in pictures

Funny phrases for a guy

To please your beloved one, you can send him a funny message. Let's see what girls write to their husbands and fiancés.

Dear, I don’t know how to tell you this...So, I took a test today...and it turns out we are a perfect match!
I want you and me to have more in common. Let's get a kitten!
Yesterday I accidentally caught the bride's bouquet. Is there something you want to tell me?
Dear, I’m late because I’ve been looking for my broom for a long time.
Don't be afraid of your desires, be afraid of mine!
You are a treacherous homewrecker, why did you break up the couple? I can't find my second sock.
Please help me find information! Look on the Internet how to tell your loved one that I scratched the car, and at the same time get new phone for a birthday.
She parked the horse, defeated the monster and cooked it for dinner. I'm sitting and waiting for you, my prince!
Darling! The girls and I decided to have a drink. I will definitely call. Don't pick up the phone.
Darling, I am incredibly happy for you! After all, you married so well.

Funny phrases with meaning

Phrases that not only sound funny, but also contain a certain meaning and life truth.

Attention! On a slippery porch, the number of cultured people is halved!
The genius is sleeping soundly within me. But a fool never sleeps!
In order not to accidentally call his wife by the name of his mistress Anastasia, the husband took the cat and named it Nastya.
Wife: Let's buy a car, I'll learn to drive, at least we'll see the world! Husband: which light - this one or that one?
Sappers do not understand the phrase: we must learn from our mistakes.
Wife to husband: I'm not going to accept you for who you are. I'm not a military registration and enlistment office!
Why do I look great in the mirror, but the camera shows the opposite?
Money is not the main thing. The main thing is their quantity.
How to get a girl to like you: you need to be strong, handsome, rich or just a cat.
About the alcoholic feast: at first it was good, then even better, then so good that it’s still bad!

Funny phrases with names

Funny phrases for girls

These phrases can not only make a girl smile, but also tease her. They should be used with caution.

Girl, you have very beautiful legs! One is more beautiful than the other.
I want to invite you to dinner and breakfast at the same time.
You are so beautiful that it’s scary to look at!
Girl, do you believe in love with the first person you meet? I'm ready to be him.
Can you help me go left? (Dangerous phrase when dating).
In the bus:
I can’t reach the handrail, I’ll hold on to you.
In the elevator:
Girl, aren't you scared of being stuck in an elevator with a maniac like me?
You have a very predatory look, you are probably hungry.
You are so beautiful that you don't need makeup. Leave it a little though.
You believe in love at first sight. No? Perhaps I'll come by again.

Funny phrases that will make you cry

Relevant for online correspondence:
Write a little louder, I can't hear you here.
Great people lived so little! Something is not going well with me today.
I'm ready to do anything for money. Even go to work.
My wife is very good. Others are even worse.
So much has been written about the dangers of smoking that I firmly decided not to read any more.
Optimism is just a lack of information.
I tried to drown my problems in cognac, but they surfaced.
The girl decided to take revenge on the guy and married him.
A first grade student came to Christmas tree dressed as a squirrel, which greatly frightened the guard Mikhail.
The tale of the sleeping beauty once again shows that there is always a person who will wake you up.

Funny phrases that rhyme

Funny phrases about work

Even work should be taken with humor. Here are a few phrases that can cheer up colleagues in the middle of the work week.

I almost live at work. And wages are only decreasing. Probably deducted for accommodation.

I love working in a team. It's easy to blame others.

Funny phrases about women

Finally, funny and wise expressions about the fair half of humanity.

If a girl suddenly becomes silent, it means she wants to say something.
You can't trust a woman who doesn't hide her weight. She won't hesitate to say anything.
The smarter a woman is, the more stupid things she does.
A man chases a woman for so long until she catches him herself.
You can interrupt a woman with impunity only with a compliment.
If men knew what women were thinking, they would behave more confidently.
Real men always achieve what women want from them.
Women forgive their men, even if they are not to blame for anything.
Women still know how to keep secrets. However, they do it together.
A girl can tell her friend for several hours that she has no words.

This is why we are indignant at people who are disingenuous with us, because they consider themselves smarter than us.
Francois La Rochefoucauld

You can be more cunning than another, but you cannot be more cunning than everyone else.
Francois La Rochefoucauld

He who is famous for his cunning is not very cunning.
Felix Hvalibug

Don't set a mousetrap if you can act as bait yourself.
Wieslaw Brudzinski

The cunning man fights while the wise man yields.
Karel Capek

It is a shame for a person to be cunning like a fox; one should not be a saddle bag.
Aristophanes

When dealing with constantly cunning people, you must always not lose sight of their goals. With such people it is better to say little and say what they least expect.
F. Bacon

Everyone tries to be smart, and those who cannot be are almost always cunning.
S. Johnson

Undoubtedly, slyness, like intelligence, is expressed on the face. But some have learned to skillfully retouch their portraits to look smart.
V. Zubkov

Cunning is a very limited people and is very different from the mind, which it resembles in appearance.
I. Kant

Cunning is not intelligence, but only the intensified work of instincts caused by the absence of intelligence.
V. Klyuchevsky

You think that this person has fooled you; and if he pretends to be fooled, then who is more fooled: he or you?
J. Labruyère

Anyone who knows how to suggest that he is not very cunning is no longer simple.
J. Labruyère

Cunning is a quality that is neither too commendable nor too reprehensible, it is something between a vice and a virtue; There are almost no cases where it could not and should not be replaced by prudence.
J. Labruyère

The highest skill is to know the true price of everything.
F. La Rochefoucauld

Cunning and treachery indicate only deficiencies in dexterity.
F. La Rochefoucauld

Cunning is a sign of a narrow mind.
F. La Rochefoucauld

No one has ever managed to be so cunning as to hide this quality of theirs.
D. Locke

Lies have a constant companion - cunning.
D. Locke

Cunning is only the absence of reason: not being able to achieve its goals in direct ways, it tries to achieve them in roguish, roundabout ways; and her trouble is that cunning helps only once, and then it always only gets in the way.
D. Locke

Cunning people despise knowledge, simpletons are surprised at it, wise people use it.
T. Macaulay

Cunning is the talent of egoists and can only deceive fools who mistake glibness for intelligence, seriousness for prudence, shamelessness for talent, pride for dignity.
O. Mirabeau

Crafty people are usually simple, not complex in nature.
F. Nietzsche

Cunning is a gloomy temple of mediocrity.
F. Chesterfield

The trouble is that we try to solve the simplest questions cunningly, and therefore make them unusually complex.
A. Chekhov

Dexterity in comparison with cunning is the same as dexterity of hands in comparison with cheating.
N. Chamfort

If the fox just sticks its muzzle in, its body will follow.
W. Shakespeare

The dexterity of a swindler, however, does not redeem the swindle, but fraud on a large scale always elevates the swindler. Emptying someone else's pocket is shameful, hiding a million is daring, but stealing a crown is an infinitely great thing. The greater the vice, the less shame there is.
F. Schiller

Every action has its reaction. Therefore, when a situation requires an immediate response, there is no need to restrain yourself and remain silent. The main thing is to do it beautifully and sophisticatedly, so that everyone around applauds. It's time to learn how to be rude so as not to stoop to the level of the offender.

35 beautiful and non-standard responses to rudeness

1. To talk with you on the same level, I need to lie down!..

2. I don't know what you eat for breakfast, but it really works! Intelligence tends to zero!

3. Just don’t take the headphones out of your ears. God forbid, you chill your brain from the inside with a draft.

4. Should I see a psychologist? No, of course, thank you very much for your good advice, but you shouldn’t compare everyone to yourself.

5. You will open your mouth at the dentist.

6. To shock me, you will have to say something smart.

7. One more beep from your platform and your dental composition will move.

8. May you celebrate your wedding at McDonald's.

9. If I had the pleasure of communicating with bitches, I would have had a dog long ago.

10. Uma - like a shell.

11. Looking at you, I begin to understand that nothing human is alien to God. He has a great sense of humor.

12. Talk, talk... I always yawn when I'm interested!

13. You would decorate the world with your absence, before I take sin on my soul!

14. From positive qualities You only have the Rh factor.

15. I live opposite the cemetery. If you show off, you will live opposite me.

16. Is it you that everyone loves? Oh, well, yes, love is evil...

17. So that you could cover yourself with a teaspoon in the bathhouse!

18. - Girl, are you bored? - Not by that much…

19. Your right to your own opinion does not oblige me to listen to nonsense.

20. - “Thank you” cannot be put in your pocket. - You will carry it in your hands!!!

21. Hey, you little rose! The tulip is out of here, otherwise you’ll turn gray like a dahlia!

22. I came to you with greetings, with an iron and a gun.

24. It is better to be silent intelligently than to speak stupidly.

25. Is this a bunch of words, or do I need to think about it?

26. Sorry for not living up to your stereotypes.

27. In some heads thoughts come to die.

28. Him: Shall we go to you or shall we go to me? She: At the same time. You - to yourself, and I - to myself.

29. Has the verbal oil well dried up?

30. Madhouse on the road, psychos in nature!

31. What are you watching? Are you in a museum or what? Now I’ll arrange a cultural event for you in two acts without intermission! If I give you a slap, your head will fly off.

32. What do you think, that if you yell at me louder, I will listen more quietly?

33. Now you can take your glasses home from me. In different pockets.

34. Your style of speech reminds me of the market talk of the distant nineties at the end of the last century.

35. And don't laugh! Laughing for no reason is a sign that a person is either an idiot or a pretty girl. If you want to convince me of the latter, first shave.

Now let’s look at how to respond in certain specific situations.

1. Agree with the person insulting you (classic):

- Yes, you are a complete fool and an idiot!

- Yes. I have a certificate too! Do you think it’s very smart to prove something to a fool?

- You're just a fool!

- Agree! This is because you constantly have to talk to fools.

– I’m not satisfied with your answers!

– What questions, such answers!

- Yes, I’m smarter than all of you combined!

- Certainly! After all, you are crazy. I wish I had a watchman for this shed...

2. Take a statement directed at you to the point of absurdity:

- Hey, slow down!

– I can’t, there must be only one brake. (It’s impossible, our pair already has one brake!)

- What are you doing?

- I'm doing it in my pants.

– Are you scamming me now?

– Who do you consider yourself to be now: a bee or a rabbit?

3. Turn a negative statement into a positive one:

- You are a horse!

– If it weren’t for the suckers, where would you be now?

- There are only idiots around!

– Is it unusual for you to feel smart?

– What kind of phone is being grabbed when I’m talking to you?!

– I also prefer to talk to smart people!

4. Press the person “too weakly.” After all, no one likes to feel like a weakling:

– You’re dancing somehow badly...

– I’m not dancing, I’m just moving my legs so you don’t crush them on me... (And you know how great I am at cross-stitching!)

-What are you babbling about?

- It’s strange, but others like my speech... Don’t you have a sense of beauty or a hearing problem?

– Are you pretending to be smart?

– Do you have problems communicating with smart people?

5. What do you want?

- Well, why are you quiet?

– Did you already want to get to the surgeon’s table by this time?

- Well, who is brave here?

– You talk to me as if your subscription to the emergency room is disappearing.

– You are a simple housewife!

– Would you like me to be a currency prostitute?

And remember: rudeness must be fought, but not with tears. The main thing is not to let your opponent understand that he has achieved his goal and asserted himself at your expense. This behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.

It doesn’t matter if you take a kitten or a man into your home! For six months, a cute little pug, and then a cunning, arrogant fellow!

Not everything beautiful can be rationally conveyed in words. It happens that you like it madly, but the words come out of your mouth: “fuck!”

All instructions in Russian must begin with the words: “Well, you idiot, have you already broken it?”

I haven’t said, “Go to hell!” for a long time now. I say: “Everyone stay in their places!”

If a girl asks you to leave her alone, leave her alone. Just don't leave her alone under any circumstances! In short, good luck to you, brother.

Worms always whine that they live in the ass. This is a biography. Only outside the ass they are not viable. This is biology.

Today I went to bed at 22-00. It's already 3-10, and I still can't get enough of the fact that I went to bed so early!

People need to be trusted. Not money, of course. Or secrets. And so - in general.

The hardest thing to keep is a promise to yourself. You know: if anything happens, they will understand and forgive you.

“You can’t” only happens to those who don’t ask.

Those who don’t take risks... drink vodka at the funeral of the one who took the risk.

When I was little, I really wanted to grow up. Who knew there was such a setup here...

If it’s possible, let alone necessary, then somehow I don’t really want to.

The healing properties of horseradish: if you put it on something, it immediately becomes easier.

Wisdom is an age-related slowdown in brain function, leading to the inability to make hasty decisions.

I hung a talisman above the door against all evil spirits, went out to the store, came back... the key in the door broke... I can’t go in...

What if Lenin lies in the mausoleum because he was bewitched evil fairy, and if you kiss him, the spell will go away and the USSR will return?

Those who tell you about me tell me about you. Never forget this.

Everyone is showing off, absolutely everyone. And those who don’t show off, then show off by not showing off.

In case of fire, follow the sequence! First, leave the building, then write to social networks: VK, Odnoklassniki, Facebook, Twitter...

Conscience is like that... It torments not those whom it should torment, but those who have it.

At work we have coffee machine. I have already lost my salary to him.

If you're reading this SMS, it means I'm already drunk.

The rooster saw the chicken in the microwave and said: “The loaf is vigorous... there is no one in the village to lay eggs, but here she rides on the carousel!”

The man's tail fell away, but the need to wag it remained.

You need to borrow money from pessimists, they know in advance that they will not be given back

Sitting up to your ears in shit, you can’t really open your mouth.

Organs are like organs and just an ass, a mass entertainer

Malvina’s story proved that a woman can easily fall in love with a man, even if he has a wooden head, but at least he has a golden key.

It's cool to be fat. You immediately understand why you don't have personal life. And when you’re thin, look for reasons, guess, suffer.

Working is not a woman's job. A woman must go to work to show off her new dresses!

You walk like this with a mug of tea in your hands and a book. And instead of a book you throw tea on the bed...

Previously, when I had no money, I associated it with lack of work. Now I have a job. But apparently I'm doing something wrong.

They say you won't be lucky if your breasts are smaller than your stomach.

You can’t earn all the money, you can’t fuck all the women, you can’t drink all the vodka... but did that ever stop men?

My secret is always feeling great and always in a good mood? Vegetarianism, yoga and some meat and vodka for dinner!

I love weekends! You can get to work quickly and without traffic jams.

Tomorrow is a mythical place where you run in the morning, live life to the fullest and solve your life problems.

Progress... Smart glasses, smart watch, smart sneakers, smart microwaves... Only stupid people remain.

Have you noticed that if you are the last one to enter a compartment, you feel as if you are visiting?

I have eternal problems - I constantly say something wrong: “put on” instead of “put on”, “go to hell” instead of “okay, I’ll listen to your comments”….

When choosing a life partner, do not forget that in your free time from sex you will also have to talk about something.

I woke up early to walk around longer with a dissatisfied face.

Man was born for happiness, and not “to obey”! Vasilisa, 4 years old.

Frigid - they are only frigid in bed, but their needs are like everyone else.

A woman, when choosing one of two men, hesitates only when she does not need either one or the other.

And... I'll give it! - Eva decided.