Be careful - inattentive child
To be honest, this phrase makes me cringe. This is a “label” that is so convenient to put on and expect that at one fine moment it will stop “flying”. I am very categorical in matters of attitude towards children, you probably already understand. So it is here. This definition, “It’s like he’s not here, he’s constantly flying somewhere,” is definitely completely dishonest in relation to preschoolers and primary schoolchildren. I would like to ask the teacher the question “What did you do so that the child” fly in the clouds"Have you stopped?" Yes, I do not argue that there are children with low intensity of educational activity and I do not deny that this interferes with him, first of all, and only then with the teacher. And precisely due to the fact that the child is not yet sufficiently developed volitional sphere, May be low level self-organization, it is difficult for him to behave" force"be attentive when educational material is not presented with interest and enthusiasm, but" according to the manual". And parents are accustomed to immediately attacking the child when the teacher “complains” about him. But learning is a two-way process. The teacher must try no less than the student. In addition to everything, frequent distractions and being in parallel reality may be features of the child’s character, and here we definitely won’t change him, we can only positively motivate and strengthen strengths . And they always exist. There are no “bad”, “unsuccessful” children, there are wrong working methods with them. About many children with whom I work, in school, kindergarten or in preparation for school they say " flies in the clouds“, but I feel bad for them, because often when a child doesn’t understand something, he “falls out” because he doesn’t have the opportunity to ask again, to clarify the situation, and he finds other types of activities.
So what to do?
“Such” children lack, first of all, personal responsibility. Mental abilities are often fine. They should feel important and involved. The correction of frequent distractions, inattention and other violations of educational activity lies, after all, with the teacher, since it is in his hands to create special conditions, but this process can also be “helped” at home. Let's first discuss the teacher's role. By the way, you, as parents, do not be afraid to approach teachers with similar topics. Often the teacher does not have time to keep track of everyone, and the classes are now, to put it mildly, overcrowded, and your “clarifications” regarding the child can be very helpful. You do not ask for “indulgence” for the child, you look for the best ways for his comfortable and effective learning.These children are needed:
- plant not near a window, so as not to create additional reasons for distractions;
- plant in accessible proximity to the teacher;
- create situations of success in the classroom to increase the child’s personal motivation;
- regular appeals to the child during frontal work (explaining the material in class), but not in the form of “Vanya, do you understand? Vanya, is everything clear to you?”, but actively involving the child in the process;
- rewards for work, celebration of results.
What do we do at home?
- We keep a "Diary of Success". A separate notebook (it’s better to go to the store and choose a notebook or notebook together, in which “You will note how interesting and difficult/easy it was to study today”). Write the date, draw a straight line diagonally on the page, like a mountain. At the bottom - it was very difficult, at the top - it was interesting and I did a great job! Every day the child needs to draw a smiley face with a certain facial expression on any place on the “mountain”, determining the past day. You need to try to keep the smiley at the top, but also not to be upset if today it is in the middle. It is the child’s self-determination of his feelings that is important, and not just the assessment of adults.
- Ask your child to check his own work. If you see errors, do not rush to point them out, just say that there is an error, for example, and where the child needs to find it.
- Create a clear action plan. Before the child begins to do the work, do not you tell him what he needs to do (sounds like an order), but ask what he needs to do? How much time does he need for this? Crossing out completed work remains just as effective. I myself love to check the box when the work is done. Do not confuse your child, do not start several tasks at the same time. I did one thing, then another, etc.
- Change the type of activity, allow (where this is not important) to change the position, do the task not at the table, but on the floor, etc.
- Ask the RIGHT QUESTIONS - What was the most interesting thing at school today? What was the funniest thing today? What was difficult for you today? Is there anything that remains unclear to you? And don’t just ask for the sake of asking, but listen to the child, encourage him to give a sincere answer. I often feel bad for my children, to be honest. When everything works out for them and they bring praise and good grades, they are patted on the head, they are proud of them, and as soon as a child, instead of studying, talks about a new toy, they immediately discipline him and rein him in. But he is also a person, and we, adults, think not only about work (even if we love it very much), but also about many things in life.
- TRUST the child. This may sound difficult to those who say, “He only does it when I’m standing over him.” And you show him that he is also worth trust. Just don’t correct errors demonstratively, but discuss the work and ask to check it carefully. Once upon a time, one mother was very surprised how quickly the girl found a mistake, when I just glanced at the work with one eye, while simultaneously drawing another task, and told the girl “Carefully.”
- Take responsibility, dear adults, that children are, after all, a product of your upbringing. Ask yourself - what can I do to get my child to be honest with me? How can I help my child do his homework with pleasure? And also don’t be afraid to ask your children - How can I help you to make studying interesting for you? Instead of “When will you finally start studying normally?”
The issue of children's attentiveness is very acute and discussed during the period of growing up and the transition to compulsory activities.
A child’s attention can be involuntary (works due to the child’s interest, that is, he is attentive where he is interested) and voluntary (controlled by will, that is, with the application of a special effort to concentrate).
In studies, the work of the nominal second type of attention is necessary - voluntary, the foundations of which are also given to the child by nature, but for high-quality mastery of knowledge and educational activities this type attention needs to be trained and developed.
Quite often, alas, they say about children: “He constantly flies in the clouds in class,” “It’s like he’s not here, he’s just catching a raven,” and these definitions, which are nothing more than “labels,” shift responsibility from adult, experienced shoulders to childish, fragile. We blame children for not being focused, motivated, organized, diligent, or attentive enough. But before you reproach a child for any of the above, think about whether all the conditions were created for the child so that he would give capital return and one hundred percent effectiveness?
A preschooler and even a junior schoolchild is on the path of self-organization, his volitional sphere is just developing, organizational abilities are being formed, and educational activity is gaining momentum in intensity. During this period, it is very important to instill as much faith in yourself and knowledge into your growing personality as possible, and not demand instant results. The result will certainly be, but for it you need to work not only for the child, but also for the adults who present the very educational material (teacher, parent).
- Take care of an accessible and understandable form of presentation of information.
- Place your child not near a window (this applies to both school and home), so as not to provoke distraction.
- Seat as close to the teacher as possible (parents should not be afraid to approach the teacher and discuss with him psychological characteristics your child, you will only be doing the teacher a favor, since especially in the first grade among large quantity students, it can be difficult for the teacher to grasp all the subtleties of each student).
- Create “success situations” (both at school and at home). This is when the material being studied gives a task that the student can completely cope with. And a clear highlight of success. This makes it possible to feel one’s strength and competence, which is very important for the child’s future efforts.
- Have active conversations with your child and reason together. Any walk or household chore can be turned into an interesting process if you talk to the child as an individual, ask his opinion, and enthusiastically tell him something.
- Always sincerely rejoice at the results and celebrate your efforts. Often, alas, what is done well is taken for granted, and only the bad sticks out. This is a very dangerous path. It is important for a child to see that his efforts were not in vain. And only those who do nothing make mistakes.
- Keep a “Success Diary” or a “Chart of Well done”, where the child notes how he studied today. In the diary, the child writes the date and draws a smiley face corresponding to the difficulty, and in the chart, make a vertical line with the level of difficulty (“Guard is so difficult,” “I thought I would fall, but I managed,” “It’s okay, it’ll do,” “It wasn’t easy, but I’m doing great.” ”, “I did a great job!”, “I’m just a super champion!” The horizontal line is the date. And let the child note every day how he managed to cope. It is important to note the internal assessment of the child himself, and not the assessment of an adult.
- Give your child tasks to check his own work. That is, do not point out errors, but simply say that they exist and ask them to identify them, giving small hints.
- Create a clear action plan. Before starting work, you don’t say what needs to be done today, but ask the child what he needs to do today? You write down the “plan” and as the child completes it, he crosses out each item.
- Trust the child, do not control or double-check every step. Studying is the child's responsibility. It is important for parents to accept this and allow the child to have his own experience.
And always remember that in any situation it is important to be on the side of your child, who, “out of a good life,” will never be stubborn and “do evil.” Children want to be successful and, what is very important to understand, to be heard by their parents.
Don’t be afraid to ask your children open-ended, CORRECT questions: “How can I help you to make learning interesting for you?” You may be very surprised at how helpful the answers are!
The child is “flying in the clouds” - whose problem? Child or teacher?
To be honest, this phrase makes me cringe. This is a “label” that is so convenient to put on and expect that at one fine moment it will stop “flying”. I am very categorical in matters of attitude towards children, you probably already understand. So it is here. This definition, “It’s like he’s not here, he’s constantly flying somewhere,” is definitely completely dishonest in relation to preschoolers and primary schoolchildren. I would like to ask the teacher the question: “What did you do to stop the child from “flying in the clouds?” Yes, I do not argue that there are children with low intensity of educational activities and I do not deny that this interferes with them, first of all, and only then with the teacher. And precisely because the child’s volitional sphere is not yet sufficiently developed, there may be a low level of self-organization, it is difficult for him to “force” himself to be attentive when the educational material is not presented with interest and inspiration, but “according to a manual.” And parents are accustomed to immediately attacking their child when the teacher “complains” about him. But learning is a mutual process. The teacher must try no less than the student. In addition to everything, frequent distractions and being in a “parallel reality” may be features of the child’s character, and here we certainly will not change it, we can only positively motivate and strengthen strengths. And they always exist. There are no “bad”, “unsuccessful” children, there are only wrong methods of working with them. About many children with whom I work, at school or in preparation for school they say “flying in the clouds,” but I feel bad for them, because often when a child doesn’t understand something, he “falls out,” so ask again, the situation does not allow him to clarify and he finds other types of activity.
So what to do?
“Such” children lack, first of all, personal responsibility. Mental abilities are often fine. They need to feel important and involved. The correction of frequent distractions, inattention and other violations of educational activity lies, after all, with the teacher, since it is in his hands to create special conditions, but at home you can “help” this process. Let's first discuss the teacher's role. By the way, you, as parents, do not be afraid to approach teachers with similar topics. Often the teacher does not have time to keep track of everyone, and the classes are now, to put it mildly, overcrowded, and your “clarifications” regarding the child can be very helpful. You are not asking for “indulgence” for your child; you are looking for the best ways for his comfortable and effective learning.
These children are needed:
Plant not near a window, so as not to create additional reasons for distractions;
plant in accessible proximity to the teacher;
create situations of success in the classroom to increase the child’s personal motivation;
regular addresses to the child during frontal work (explaining the material in class), but not in the form of “Vanya, understand? Vanya, is everything clear to you?”, but by actively involving the child in the process;
rewards for work, celebration of results. The efforts of a child should always be noted!!!
If teachers are reading me, I hope you are exactly like that - friendly and diligent!!! If the material is presented in an interesting way, the children will want to learn, even if you beat me!!! Sometimes right after school (as it happens) my child does intense work for an hour, and he doesn’t even make a peep! But they are also often said to be “flying in the clouds.”
What do we do at home?
We keep a “Diary of Success”. A separate notebook (it’s better to go to the store and together choose a notebook or notebook in which “You will note how interesting and difficult/easy it was to study today”). Write the date, draw a straight line diagonally on the page, like a mountain. At the bottom it was very difficult, at the top it was interesting and I did a great job! The child needs to draw a smiley face with a certain facial expression on any place on the “mountain” every day, identifying the day that has passed. You need to try to keep the smiley at the top, but also not to be upset if today it is in the middle. It is the child’s self-determination of his feelings that is important, and not just the assessment of adults.
- Ask the child to check his own work. If you see errors, do not rush to point them out, just say that there is an error, for example, and where the child needs to find it.
- Create a clear action plan. Before the child begins to do the work, do not you tell him what he needs to do (sounds like an order), but ask what he needs to do? How much time does he need for this? Crossing out completed work remains just as effective. I myself love to check the box when the work is done. Do not confuse your child, do not start several tasks at the same time. I did one thing, then another, etc.
- Change the type of activity, allow (where this is not important) to change the position, do the task not at the table, but on the floor, etc.
- Ask the RIGHT QUESTIONS - What was the most interesting thing at school today? What was the funniest thing today? What was difficult for you today? Is there anything that remains unclear to you? And don’t just ask for the sake of asking, but listen to the child, encourage him to give a sincere answer. I often feel bad for my children, to be honest. When everything works out for them, and they bring praise and good grades, they are patted on the head, they are proud of them, and as soon as the child, instead of studying, “talks” about a new toy, he is immediately “stricted”, “restrained”. But he is also a person, and we, adults, think not only about work (even if we love it very much), but also about many things in life.
- TRUST the child. This may sound difficult to those who say, “He only does it when I’m standing over him.” And you show him that he is also worth trust. Just don’t correct errors demonstratively, but discuss the work and ask to check it carefully. Once upon a time, one mother was very surprised how quickly the girl found a mistake, when I just glanced at the work with one eye, while simultaneously drawing another task, and told the girl “Carefully.”
- Take responsibility, dear adults, that children, after all, are a product of your upbringing. Ask yourself - what can I do to get my child to be honest with me? How can I help my child do his homework with pleasure? And also don’t be afraid to ask your children - How can I help you to make studying interesting for you? Instead of “When will you finally start studying normally?” You may hear information that is unexpectedly useful to you.
Children are not our enemies, they always strive to be understood and heard!
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The child is in the fifth grade, already in middle school, different teachers, the problem has worsened, it started in the first grade. The situation with the lessons is as follows: Option 1. I don’t sit. I'm not helping. I don’t climb at all. Result: I did it here, I didn’t do it here. I rewrote the exercise, but didn’t complete the assignment for it. There is dirt in the notebook. Instead of Homework wrote cool, etc. Option 2. I’m sitting next to you. We talk everything together. Everything is fine, but we start writing and off we go. I speak and write B. again, there is dirt and constant crossing-outs. solves the example. he says out loud that the answer is 38 (that’s true), and then starts writing 28. My nerves just give out at this point. Option 3. She does it herself on a draft. I check it, and then on the final copy. There is dirt in the draft, and he doesn’t rewrite it later without making mistakes. There's still something wrong somewhere. Well, the most important thing with this option is that she runs to me for every letter. It’s not just lessons being learned, it’s just a lot of running around. Well, in general, she’s kind of unfocused. Homework half writes. Those. He can write down one lesson, but not another (but at the end of the day they write on all subjects at once). He also hears half an ear. here I hear and understand, here I don’t understand. Well, you can see from her eyes that she is hovering somewhere. Those. He’s doing his homework and his eyes are empty. it didn't turn on. She thinks about her own things. When I catch her doing this, I try to switch. I ask: what were you thinking? I don’t know, he says. The teachers say that the child is not attentive at all, take action...
Answers and advice from psychologists
Psychologist-psychanalyst
I am a psychologist of a psychoanalytic school. In 2005 I graduated from the Eastern European Institute of Psychoanalysis in St. Petersburg. Specialization is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst. I am engaged in private practice. Practical experience in the specialty - 10 years.
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Hello. Olga. Your daughter received a deficit education. She has a deficit of trust in her mother, lack of self-confidence, dependence on her mother, the feeling of an ugly duckling, total self-criticism, chronic anxiety (all of the above grew out of your relationship, starting from the second year of the child’s life). The daughter, apparently, was packaged under the control and supervision of her mother (instead of the right to freedom, exploration of herself and the world, independence, initiative, the right to express needs). Therefore, she can’t do any of this. Her development lags behind, since she does not know the main thing - Who I am and what I can do and want. But she knows very well what is right and what is wrong, and how best to please her mother. The daughter does not know how much she is loved, therefore, she is not ready to be focused on science if she does not know the answer to how valuable she is to herself and to her mother. Until there is clarity in the first, her studies and self-acceptance will stall, and a feeling of pseudo-worthlessness will develop. The solution is a new approach to raising a daughter, based on the Non-judgmental acceptance of a Good daughter, regardless of her actions. This is not a letter format. Consult a psychoanalyst. and you can adjust the effective upbringing of your daughter, based on the development of trust in her mother.
Clinical psychologist
Everyone has problems. Some solve them on their own, while others need the help of a specialist. This is exactly what I have been doing for many years. In most cases it was possible to help. Perhaps I can help you too.
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Good evening, Olga! Perhaps you sent the child a little earlier than she was actually ready for school, or perhaps the child simply has no motivation... It would be good to show the child to a good pediatric neuropsychologist who specializes in diagnostics brain disorders. After passing all the tests, the specialist will tell you in detail what the problem is. If brain structures not ready to receive necessary information they can be developed with appropriate exercises and a specialist should show them to you; adjustments may be required medicines, and perhaps the child just needs to be well motivated! Similar issues are currently being successfully resolved! And the sooner you do this, the better for both you and the child!
Psychologist; Clinical psychologist; Forensic expert
clinical psychologist, consulting psychologist, life coach, forensic expert, candidate of psychological sciences specialization: individual psychological counseling focused on problem solving; psychodiagnostics and forensic examination; person-oriented integral psychotherapy (post-traumatic stress disorders, addictions, existential problems, neuroses and neurosis-like disorders, disorders and deviations in gender and age development); life coaching (effective life strategy, self-development, career management)
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Hello Olga!
This is a brief explanation of what might be happening. Is it possible to help a child improve their concentration level? - Yes, sure. For this purpose, there are many psychological and pedagogical methods, and you necessary recommendations according to their choice and application, they can be given by a school psychologist or a psychologist from the psychological, medical and social center of the education system, which are located in all large cities. In addition to purely age-related problems, some individual psychological problems and (or) problems related to your daughter’s health can have an impact on the level of concentration and memory development, so when contacting a psychologist, it would be a good idea to undergo comprehensive psychological testing and receive recommendations. But the most important thing for successful solution the problems that have arisen are your attitude towards your daughter and what is happening. And the most complex problem problem that a teenager faces is that without feeling unconditional love and support, he can withdraw into himself, lose trust in his loved ones and in the world, and forever move away from his parents... Therefore, in order to avoid more serious problems, no matter how difficult it is for you, no matter how annoying the moments when your daughter loses concentration, you must treat the problems she is experiencing with understanding adolescence, and constantly maintain confidence in her that no matter what problems arise in her life, she is your daughter, and you will love her and help her in all situations.
Best regards, Evgeniy
Hello! We have a problem with our first grader. Our girl has been flying in the clouds almost since birth. When she was breastfed, she was often malnourished - she fell asleep with the breast in her mouth without really eating. I never heard it the first time, I often flew somewhere in my thoughts. Her hearing is fine, the doctor says. But then you are next to her and call her in a normal voice, but she doesn’t hear, she’s flying somewhere in the clouds. The third time he might hear it. And to this day, when we eat together at the table, I look at her, her spoon is somewhere else, and she is all there somewhere, sometimes she begins to speak in a whisper in her dreams. You call her to start eating, she seems to start eating, but then flies away again.
In kindergarten, she was different from her peers - not so developed intellectually, not smart, and her mind was very childish. Not all children accepted her into their social circle, only those who were simpler.
I knew that school would be difficult for her.
Moreover, now this program 2100 is everywhere. It’s too hard for our child.
I taught her to read at the age of 6. Even if not quickly, he reads and composes syllables. And we also learned to count to ten. In the spring we took a preparatory course at school for future first-graders. And in the kindergarten, some kind of preparation of children for school was carried out.
And so the child went to school. She went with such desire and joy. But a month passed and the teacher began to complain about her a lot.
“The child does not study, but only attends the lesson, does not hear anything. He reads worse than everyone else.
Once she even dared to tell our grandmother (she came to pick her up) what was wrong stupid child she didn't have one in her class yet!" I was very indignant at this statement. Yes, she is much weaker than her peers academically, but she is not stupid. I do my homework with her at home, she understands, even simple examples counts in his mind. Yes, he reads slowly and sometimes confuses letters; if he reads for a long time, he simply gets tired. But he reads. She writes clumsily, in agreement, it’s our fault, we didn’t work with her to develop her fingers, but I’m ready to work on this with her, I even quit my job for a while to help the child adapt and learn.
It turns out that she (the teacher) made her laugh in front of the whole class; the child could not answer her question on mathematics at the blackboard. And our girl is very vulnerable in this regard, she begins to be offended even if we laugh at her as a loving joke at home. Therefore, we no longer allow ourselves such liberties when she told everyone this.
As a result, now our child is behind, we do homework with her for 4 hours. She continues to fly around in class when I ask her what we did in mathematics or some other subject today - the child cannot remember or say anything. It was as if she wasn't in class. Although if you ask what was in her native language (Tatar) or physical education, she begins to tell something. Or what they ate in the dining room - the child answers. It’s only the second month since she started studying, and they already have 5 lessons and plus the obligatory dance club. We were given a printout of the lesson schedule and everywhere except Monday it was written that you should only come pick up your child at 15:00. It seems to me that this is generally overkill for a first-grader who has recently left kindergarten.
Today I came to pick up my child at 2 p.m., the teacher sees me, but does not let the child go, and continues the extra lesson with the children.
I waited almost 20 minutes for her to finally let her go. All this time I stood and watched the child - the child is really only present in the lessons, but she herself is not in the lesson. And today I talked to her on the way from school, she says that one girl offends her, hits her on the head, because she is not attentive in class. And then there are girls who don’t want to accept her into their social circle because she’s a bad student. As I understand it, the teacher did not particularly like our child and passed on all her negativity to the class. There is one girl who accepts her; they were in kindergarten together.
Our family is complete. Both dad and mom. The only child in the family, loved by everyone. A little spoiled, but I try to be moderately strict and loving with her. The child is sociable. Always ready to be the first to make contact with unfamiliar children. If another child does not want to play with her, she calmly retreats. In a good and calm environment, he does not hide among strangers or little acquaintances.
Tell us what to do. Our situation is serious. Our school doesn’t even have a school psychologist.