Purpose in life: how to understand that it is yours and not someone else's - Psychology of effective life - online magazine. Lyrics. Fed up with imposed goals

Many people have the habit of setting themselves the goal of some kind of Mercedes, then saving for it for several years, and a week after the purchase they discover that the car is almost not enjoyable, and is not particularly needed.

How to determine your real goals so as not to waste time and energy on nonsense?

Method one

You need to imagine your goal and ask it at least 15 times: “Why do I want this?”
For example, the goal is to buy a very expensive phone.
For what? To have a beautiful expensive thing.
For what? To raise your status.
For what? So that others would envy me.
For what? To feel better.
For what? Because I'm tired of the fact that all my friends have it, but I don't. I'm offended and envious.

So it turns out that you need the phone not for yourself, but for your friends.
And you can deal with resentment in a less expensive way.
If, after all the questions, we understand that we are doing this for pleasure or this goal will make us more effective, we can achieve it.

Method two

It is necessary to evaluate how interesting it is to move towards your goals. Do you like the process of achieving them?
If yes, everything is fine.
If not, there is a possibility that the body does not produce endorphins quite correctly. Most likely, he understands that this is unnecessary.
It shouldn’t bring any particular pleasure, but you don’t need to force yourself out of control either.

Method three

Living goals in the long term.
For example, there is a goal to become a psychologist and accept clients.
You need to imagine that the goal has been achieved, the diploma is hanging on the wall and you are already there.
Monday morning, we start working and dealing with people’s problems.
Tuesday - working with problems. Wednesday - working with problems. Thursday Friday...
Are you tired of it yet? And in a month? What if it’s six months?
When a goal is lived in this way, then an understanding comes of whether I really need and like it or whether I want it simply for the sake of the status itself.
The difference is the same as between the desire to be a writer and the desire to write books.

Method four

Take a notebook and write down at least 10 pages of your goals, desires and desires. It is unlikely that you will be able to write all the pages in one go, so you can do it over several days.
After you write everything, the first 5-6 pages can usually be thrown away, with a 90% probability there is all sorts of socially acceptable nonsense.
The deepest desires appear towards the end, after about the sixth attack of “I don’t know what else to write about.”
This is a difficult exercise, but the most useful on this list.
In addition, you need to be aware that not all goals should be your own and cause delight when fulfilled.
For example, restoring visual acuity will not always be “real and hidden,” but this does not mean that it is not necessary to do it. Good vision It just doesn’t lie on the road.

I just need to learn to distinguish where the goal is real and absolutely necessary, where it’s ordinary, but it won’t hurt, and where it’s alien and I’m just trying to convince myself to move there.
Then it will be easy to prioritize and you won’t have to regret the time spent on things that will never be useful.

From the editor

Have you tried to make wishes according to all the rules? So, to visualize your dream and believe that you are worthy of it? Psychologist and business coach Olga Yurkovskaya tells whether that same magic formula for fulfilling desires exists and how to find it. Read the full article in the January issue of our magazine: .

The content of our future depends entirely on what we think and what we say out loud. This idea is developed in his book by Doctor of Chiropractic and Neurophysiology, author of a unique life transformation program, Joe Dispenza. The book talks about the endless possibilities of the human brain and the reprogramming of our thinking. According to the author, there are no limits to human capabilities.

Don't have enough strength to move forward to achieve your goals? The usual thing! Happens often to everyone. Everything is as usual: laziness interferes or there is simply no time. Circumstances put pressure on you and don’t allow you to breathe freely when you’re already doing business. We have to postpone it again until Monday... but what to do? It happens, of course, that a “breakthrough” happens, but even then it is necessary to make remarkable efforts to force yourself to go beyond the monotonous routine and take a step towards new.

Common situation. Something interferes and strongly resists within us. “Lack of motivation,” we say. As a result, either the “carrot” is too small or the “stick blows” are weak. It seems to work, because there can never be too much motivation.

We are trying hard to correct the current situation in this way, and when there is not enough strength, we are looking for a new influx of them. But maybe it’s worth digging in a different direction and understanding the reasons for their leakage? This can be much more effective. Each person and his is a kind of life little experiment.

As soon as we want to get up from the soft sofa and start acting, laziness immediately puts a spoke in our wheels. She literally blocks the way and generates a stream of excuses. As a result of such pressure, the outcome is obvious - postponing action “for later.” Laziness is a common “problem”, but it is also a good indicator.

But some actions “for some reason” come to us amazingly easily and naturally. We call them "darlings." By devoting time to them, we notice how our internal engine begins to work in enhanced mode - for such matters Always there are forces! This is what distinguishes our true desires, our true goals. They captivate us, generate strength and self-confidence! Our deepest goals light up the look and give energy to life path. And the length of the path that needs to be laid is not important when every step is pleasant and easy.

Imposed goals

We are controlled by many desires and habits. Our behavior, one way or another, is shaped by the influence of the world around us: neighbors and parents, advertising and religion and politics. Any of our actions is the result of the sum of vectors passed through perception filters. Most of human behavior is imposed from outside. They will definitely draw strength from us to try to realize ourselves.

Look where our attention is directed! Endless political squabbles, worries about the dollar, the injustice of the world, prices, replacing an outdated car and buying a new fashionable dress... Are these really the things that are worth such attention?

The imposed path forces you to check the next step with the one in front, try to overtake it or at least keep up with it, get nervous in case of failure, and be afraid of the possibility of stumbling. Along our path we will feel confident Always.

When we truly find our goals in life, “problems” suddenly disappear, the focus of attention narrows, and energy expended is released. The dim world practically ceases to exist and a new, previously unnoticed part of it appears, more interesting and fascinating. A person who succeeds is said to be in life. Such people are happy.

How to determine your goals?

Maybe that’s why we don’t have the strength because we are dissipating it for other people’s purposes? The problem is mainly not in motivation and willpower, but in following your goals and not imposed ones? Obviously, when your path is found, there is no need for internal struggle and constant “verification” of the correctness of actions with the environment - everything happens by itself, intuitively.

It is impossible to get tired while pursuing your true goals. There are no people for whom laziness prevents them from doing the things they love..

No need to look for a target! It’s easier to be aware of those that we are this moment we are guided. Cutting off the excess is much more effective! It is awareness that releases energy and exposes everything that is hidden inside.

Your goals will not be heard while the “crowd” of strangers is roaring around. To hear you need silence. Gradually getting rid of the “extraneous noise”, a background will be formed against which the sounds will ring loudly. own desires and goals. And gradually, with experience, the melody will only intensify, and our “soul” will give more and more strength to accomplish them.

I found one person’s thoughts online. True, the topic was presented somewhat incompletely. But for me the most important thing was the last paragraph. Next, I will give his full article and highlight what turned out to be important for me.

Imposed comfort.

With age, many begin to ask themselves the question of what the meaning of life is less and less often and a little more often - simpler questions. For example, how much money do you need to live?

In the comments I mentioned here that I would gladly live under a bridge if I had a laptop with Wi-Fi and electricity and heat. And perhaps, if only there were no gopniks, otherwise it wouldn’t be any comfort at all.

There is one position that is gradually gaining popularity. Society imposes its goals on everyone, but you need to find your own and follow your desires, not those imposed from the outside. A lot of money is one of these imposed goals, and you need money to be enough for a comfortable life.

But here two questions arise.
A. What does a comfortable life mean? Having a computer and internet is already comfortable for me. But sometimes, sometimes, real resentment awakens, I want to be in a different place and in different conditions. I want a 3D printer. I want to go to Japan.
b. What are imposed goals? I want to make AI - is this an imposed goal? And also a swimming pool. Yes, in theory you don’t need your own pool, but I can’t stand the short journey. Three days with a reserved seat to Irkutsk - no question. 30 minutes - go to the store - I can get ready for two days. Without exaggeration, if there is still something to eat, I can continue to gather my thoughts and prepare mentally. So if I want to swim, I want to swim in 5 minutes, not in half an hour.

Without these two answers, it is difficult to determine whether everything is normal or not. There remain two extremes - all or nothing - and the golden mean. Which is not actually in the middle, but just an arbitrarily chosen point. It is generally difficult to choose a middle ground in abundance. If the minimum is zero and the maximum is $50 billion, it is unlikely that anyone will argue that the golden mean is $25 billion. You can also consider the middle in terms of the average standard of living. But then it turns out that you need to “live no worse than everyone else.” More a shining example it is even difficult to imagine a goal imposed from outside.

Have you drawn any conclusions? I’ll skip 5 pages of text and give only them. If your worldview is more or less consistent, you think you know how to distinguish right from wrong, and worthwhile from meaningless - live. By offering your model to another, you risk receiving unanswered questions. And if you think about them, you risk getting a meter-thick crack in your model of the world, into which even more than you have will leak out. Do you need it?

Why are we now all afraid to talk about humanity, love, mutual assistance, high goals and morality? But in fact, in every, excuse the rudeness, bastard there are sprouts of high morality and humanity, and in any of us. FROM teenagers to older people. Strange, you might think. How can high aspirations grow in the worst of people? And everything is very simple. This is natural for humans. This is our evolution. After all, real evolution occurs not outside, but within ourselves. And this evolution would make great strides forward, if not for external resistance, in the form of imposing false goals on a person. What are the goals of modern man now? Receive a higher education (essentially a worthy goal), but which is relevant today for earning money and increasing status in society. Where then is your goal and desire to do what you love? After which the person sets himself the goal of getting a job in a prestigious global company. But will it be so prestigious if the company exhausts a person and even sitting on a chair in the office he will stink like a pig that has exhausted itself and needs to go under the knife and then to the table in the form of a kebab? Afterwards, a person’s goal is to earn a lot of money, usually “a lot” is the whole world. Why do you need a lot of money? Many will say for the convenience of life, for occupation interesting to a person business and travel. Do you really need millions and billions of money to have all this? Then the person sets himself the goal of creating a family. (great goal). But unfortunately due to many idiotic agreements. IN free time, a person sets himself the goal of swallowing vodka, smoking drugs and staring at the TV or computer monitor. This is considered the norm nowadays. As a result, what perspective do we get? Realizing someone else's goals and living someone else's life. After all, in order to do what you love, you don’t need to get an unnecessary education and work at an exhausting job, earning a lot of money. You just need to follow the call of your heart. Is it really important to get a job in huge corporations to earn a lot of money? No. After all, by doing what you love, a person realizes his full potential, bringing his fruits to perfection, which begin to bring almost more income than working in a prestigious corporation. Regarding amenities. What do you really need? Trite, a roof over your head, food, a warm bed and pure water. This is what a person really needs. Travel)) But first, ask yourself: have I traveled all over my country and learned about my culture? Or maybe it’s not worth going somewhere else and it’s better to travel around your own country? Strange but true modern man Living in the city, he knows little about it. Everyone often encounters this phenomenon: when you ask a local person how to get there, he sincerely says that he doesn’t know. About family and free time, a person who follows his heart will create a family not on a mutual agreement, but on Love and free time he will devote to family and communication with household members, as well as friends, fresh air. Here are actually some thoughts that can be developed further and, most importantly, think about your goals and life. These are really necessary questions to which you need to give yourself honest answers.

Purpose in life: how to understand that it is yours and not someone else's - Psychology of effective life - online magazine. Lyrics. Fed up with imposed goals

Imposed goals

How to determine your goals?

Imposed comfort.

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