What does it mean to depend on someone else's opinion? How not to depend on others: three types of independence

Society is structured in such a way that people must adhere to general rules. If one person does something differently than others are used to, he is judged, and this is unpleasant. But still, each of us should feel freedom, express our own thoughts, and not follow the lead of others.

Unfortunately, not everyone is confident in themselves; many are dependent on other people’s opinions. People join the majority, even if it goes against their own interests. But this is not the desire of an adult, but the result of education and imposition. For example, if parents buy things and toys for a child without asking him, or choose sections and extra classes without his participation, then he will never learn to express his opinion, but will be guided by the decisions of others.

Or the child is taught to surround himself with important and the right people. Then he cannot go against it and will support the opinion of his authorities, even if deep down he does not agree with them. Constant reproaches from parents lead to the same result. Then the child gets it quite clearly in his head that he needs to listen to his mother and other people, then no one will scold him. A person moves into adulthood with the same principles in behavior.

How to identify your dependence on other people's opinions

If in the process of making a decision you ask yourself what others will say: relatives, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, then you are a dependent person. Dependence on other people's opinions can manifest itself in anything. You may refuse to go to the cinema because friends say the film is not interesting. You can buy not the dress you like, but the one your friends recommend you buy. You can order not tea with fruit in a cafe, but espresso, because everyone else chose it. But is this right?

Dependence on other people's opinions can not only cause harm in the real moment, but also ruin your entire life. This is how people get jobs they hate, girls marry the man their parents chose, someone gives up hobbies because it is not fashionable or distracts from communication. But excluding pleasant moments from life just because other people want it, you will never find true happiness. Therefore, it is important to learn how to deal with addiction.

How to get rid of dependence on other people's opinions?

Understand that you cannot please everyone at once. First of all, it's impossible. And secondly, it will not improve your life. And on the contrary, it will make it more difficult.

Assess the future. Now they may not like your decision. But after some time, the situation may change dramatically and turn in your favor. The main thing is to believe in yourself.

Don't get hung up. Now you're worried that someone won't like your new hairstyle or clothes. But remember what your neighbor or colleague was wearing when you last saw her, how long was the store consultant’s hair, what color was your boss’s hairspray? Don't remember? So it doesn't matter. So why did you decide that others would judge you for a new style of clothing or an “unfashionable” manicure? While you are looking around at others, you may miss something important.

Make your own decisions. Friends will never tell you what is best for you to do. You know perfectly well what to wear when you leave home, where to study and work, how to spend free time. You don't have to attend a lot of events just because others want you to. It will be much easier to live if you do what you like.

Change your way of thinking. Instead of “I'm doing this because someone said so,” think “I'm doing this because I enjoy it and it will help change my life for the better.” Understand that the opinions of others improve the lives of others, not yours. And your fate depends solely on your own decisions.

Why waste your life worrying stupidly when you can enjoy every moment. Wear clothes that you like, watch movies that interest you. Experiment with images, don't be afraid to try new things. Let the rest of you live a boring life, and you will happily remember every minute when you didn’t think about what someone else would say.

The content of the article:

Dependence on other people's opinions is psychological condition of a person, due to the oppression of one’s own “I” in favor of extraneous considerations. The formation of this quality begins deep in childhood, when parents evaluate and correct the actions of their children. Originated in early age The fear of being judged or misunderstood fetters one’s own pride and forces one to follow the opinions of others.

The influence of dependence on other people's opinions on life

Dependence on other people's opinions usually occurs in people with weak character. Among the characteristics of such a person one can observe the inability to make any decisions independently and easily succumb to the influence of outsiders. This state contributes to the subordination of people with this quality to others who are stronger and more strong-willed.

How does this type of addiction affect a person’s life:

Loss of self. One gets the impression that others are putting pressure on and suppressing the individual’s personal opinion. Under such influence, one loses the ability to independently build one’s life and make decisions on one issue or another.
Need for external assessment. Such people need comments and approval of their actions. Various reactions is regarded as guidance on the true path. A person who has such an addiction is influenced by absolutely everyone around him.
The unquestioned opinion of parents. A child, for whom even in childhood his parents always made decisions, already in adulthood often depends on their opinion. Such people remain attached to the assessment from their relatives and are unable to contradict them, although they have the opposite view. Such attachment may result in the inability to exist independently.
Inability to defend your position. If in childhood the child was constantly subjected to pressure from peers or elders, as an adult he will not be able to lead a discussion. He will no longer have the desire to prove his point of view. It will be easier for him to agree and relegate his opinion to the background.
The desire to be like everyone else. A person with a similar position is afraid to stand out from the crowd and tries to live according to the principles of the herd. It is always important for such people to know that they are not worse than others, but like everyone else.
Avoidance of responsibility. Individuals who have these qualities are capable of deception; they cannot be relied upon, because they avoid responsibility in every possible way. A person who avoids solving serious issues is not welcome in the work team.

People dependent on other people's opinions often suffer from low self-esteem, consider themselves inferior and suffer from this. Those endowed with such qualities cannot successfully move through career ladder, establish family relationships, are subject to public opinion.

Important! Such dependence makes a slave out of a person, who can be controlled by everyone, point out mistakes and suppress the slightest manifestation of individuality. To avoid the unwanted development of such a bonded state, you must immediately sound the alarm and try to get rid of it.

The main reasons for dependence on the opinions of others

People are born into a world with established principles and moral standards. The whole future life is about conforming to society. But some people believe that someone else’s opinion will set them on the right path and help them not get out of line. This kind of dependence can ultimately lead to loss of individuality and the inability to make decisions independently.

Reasons for dependence on outside opinions:

Weak character. People with this trait are easily influenced from outside.
A man driven by his essence. Such individuals avoid responsibility and are unable to make decisions on their own.
Bad experience. Appears in childhood, when parents suppressed the child’s initiative to do something on his own. With age, the need to manage your life disappears, and this feature rests on the shoulders of friends or relatives.
Low self-esteem. This quality does not provide an opportunity to defend one’s interests, but on the contrary, forces a person to withdraw so as not to provoke outside condemnation.
Lack of love in childhood. In adult life the individual seeks to attract attention to himself by asking for approval or condemnation from strangers. These actions help him feel that he is not an empty place.
Created stereotypes. If a child is praised for all his actions (eating, waking up, going to the toilet, etc.), he lives in fear of doing something wrong and therefore is always guided by other people's advice.

The opinions of strangers often represent an outsider’s view of any situation, and whether to take it into account or not is everyone’s business, depending on their personal preferences. When a person is dependent, he accepts all instructions and follows them, forgetting about his own interests.

Important! Children's education becomes the basis for the emergence of addiction. Like many other mental formations, it can be prevented with the help of properly selected methods of targeted personality development.

Signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions

The desire to imitate or conform to socially accepted attitudes prevents the manifestation of one’s own essence. There is no need for personal development, because preference is given to the assessments and opinions of people who are authorities for a person.

Main signs of addiction:

Before taking any action, a person thinks about how society will evaluate this action and what others will think. These thoughts influence the final decision made.
The person who has been criticized experiences depression, emotional decline and ill health.
There is a fear of being subjected to general discussion or criticism.
There is a need for a positive assessment and praise of one’s actions, achievements or personal qualities.
A person experiences oppression when his actions are not positively assessed.
The diligence of an individual comes down to meeting people's expectations.
A person sacrifices his principles and views in favor of someone else's opinion.
Ignoring discussions, being afraid to defend one’s point of view.
There is a feeling that a person is living someone else’s life, and at the same time oppression of his own “I” occurs.

The opinions of strangers can overshadow your dignity and cause you to lose your own face. If the listed signs are present, then you need to sound the alarm. After all this manifestation contributes to the oppression of individuality and prevents one from achieving one’s life goals.

How to stop depending on other people's opinions

People are very dependent by nature. Each family, raising children, has a different attitude towards their freedom of expression. Some parents prefer to raise their children using dictatorial methods, while others, on the contrary, are inclined towards democracy. A child who has been subjected to emotional abuse and violated in his actions becomes dependent on the opinion of the public.

Having analyzed the problem, psychologists have developed a certain algorithm of actions on how not to depend on the opinions of others:

Self-observation. This technique is based on the practice of mindfulness. You need to analyze your thoughts. A wide variety of feelings must be noticed. Then the person will understand that his emotions contain resentment, anger, anxiety, and a feeling of unspokenness. Having identified these features, he learns to recognize them without dividing them into good and bad. Having learned to feel their thoughts, people determine their origin. By appreciating the emotional response to a stimulus, awareness appears, which relieves a person of self-judgment.
Privacy. People suffering from addiction are afraid of loneliness; they even try to be with those who harm them, just so as not to be left alone with themselves. To get rid of such negative attachment, you need to gradually learn to be alone. Realizing that this method effective, you need to prepare a place to spend time. The created favorable atmosphere will allow you to be in peace and harmony with yourself. Such actions will eventually overcome the fear of loneliness and teach independence.
Definition own desires . People attached to other people's opinions do not have life goals and their own view of a given situation. All the presented manifestations are hidden behind someone else’s face, because everything that loved ones want, the dependent person also wants to have. Such an individual needs to find strength within himself and answer the questions of what is important to him and who he wants to be in life.
Display of aggression. Each person tends to throw out his emotional indignation and defend his personal vision of a particular situation. If you constantly contain aggression within yourself and do not let it out, this can cause painful health and develop personal apathy. By defending your position, you will be able to gain your own opinion, which will help you break out of the captivity of addiction.
Setting boundaries. Having defined a clear limit of what is permitted, a person gains universal approval. Poor boundaries create uncertainty, which turns a lot of people off. After all, only distinct edges indicate the presence of life goals that will never be shaken. This kind of action will allow you to find your face in society.
Getting rid of illusions. This action will help you realize that ideal people can not be. Even those individuals who are seen as idols have a set of negative qualities. By looking closely at them, you can destroy the illusory world created by your own consciousness.

When a person asks the question of how not to pay attention to other people’s opinions, we can talk about his awareness of the problems that have arisen and the desire to get rid of them. From this moment the fight against addiction begins.

A list of exercises that will tell you how to stop depending on other people’s opinions:

It is necessary to watch a film or read a book, just so that the material is known to everyone. After familiarizing yourself with the chosen plot, you should make a list in which you write down the moments you liked and not so much. When a person gets into the essence of a film or book, he should talk with close friends about what impression he got. During the conversation, disputes may arise, but in no case should you deviate from your already formed opinion. It is recommended to repeat the proposed exercise until the person feels confident.
It is necessary to write down the goals that are planned to be achieved in a certain life period. Having completed this procedure, people gain confidence and strive to achieve their plans.
You need to be able to refuse, cultivate the strength to tell people “No!” To learn this, you need to start small. For example, when you receive an offer from a friend to meet at a certain time, it is worth changing it by at least 30 minutes, but this will already be a shift in a positive direction.

If a person cannot cope with his dependence on the opinions of others on his own, then only a specialist can help him.

How not to be afraid of other people's opinions - watch the video:

All people who are caught in the network of dependence on the opinions of others are discriminated against by society, lose their face and are unable to stand out from the crowd. The desire to conform suppresses individuality. If there is a need to overcome addiction, then there is no need to hesitate. Actions must be built according to the presented algorithm, and only then will it be possible to free oneself from other people’s opinions and gain faith in oneself.

Dependence on other people and their opinions is one of the major sources of suffering for a person, as well as a direct destroyer of his success. Ask yourself how much the questions are holding you back from making some important decisive steps in your life - “What will people say?”, “What will your parents, family and friends say?”, “What will your friends say?” How often have you refused something significant, for example, to take a step and change your life, because someone whispers in your ear “You won’t succeed...” or “This is not yours” or “Get this stupidity out of your head, what do you want?” can’t sit..."

Everyone who achieved the highest success - politicians, businessmen, scientists, show business stars, they all overcame the colossal resistance of society and their environment. Almost everyone has gone through situations when it was necessary to defend their opinion, vision of the future, to protect their goals from the bombardment of others who tried in every possible way to dissuade and convince them that it was not worth even starting. And they were able to do it, they became independent and thanks to this they achieved their success! Learn from them, from the best and strongest!

In addition, we can definitely say that dependence on the opinions of others makes a person unhappy. The basis of addiction is, in this situation, the fear that other people will not understand you, will judge you, will somehow speak unflatteringly about you, the fear of ruining relationships with people, etc. Dependent person He is constantly in this fear and it consumes his energy, joy, and makes him suffer.

In addition, people truly respect those who have their own individual point of view and can defend it; they respect those who are independent and strong. The strong are respected, the weak are despised. If a person constantly adapts to the opinions of others, he will never achieve anything in life, he has no core, he will always be a weakling and a loser. His plans, even the most ingenious plans, will always be broken by the opinions and disagreement of other people, by their limitations and stereotypes, and he will do nothing about it. Unless he realizes his mistake and sets a goal to become an Independent person. About what independence is and what it can be like -.

Why do people depend on the opinions of others, what are the reasons?

Reason 1. Fear. Fear of condemnation, fear of being misunderstood, fear of ruining relationships, fear of losing support, etc. Cowardly people will always be dependent, weak and unhappy. If you consider yourself smart, get rid of fear, because everything you are afraid of will always be unattainable for you! How to get rid of fear - .

Reason 2. Wrong authorities. If you want to learn how to fly an airplane, who do you go to? To the submariner? No! To a chess player? No! And why? That's right, because they don't understand anything about aerobatics. You will go to flight school with the best instructor. And so in everything, in theory, if you want to achieve a goal, you need to go to someone who is a specialist in achieving this goal. Right? “Yes,” you answer. But in life everything turns out differently. Most often, when some bright idea comes to our mind, we go not to a specialist who knows how to bring this idea to life, but to close people, often incompetent friends and relatives who do not understand anything about it and, of course, , they will criticize you for just the impulse to do something that others have not done. Why do we do this? The answer is simple - because these are the people closest to us and we trust them most of all. But are they experts in our chosen field? What do they understand about the area of interest to us? If they don’t understand anything, then they won’t advise us anything sensible or adequate. And therefore, with all due respect to our loved ones, we shouldn’t listen to them!

In addition, many of our loved ones, deep down, are not at all interested in our success and sincerely with all their hearts do not want to. After all, if we manage to do what they couldn’t do, then they will have to start thinking better about us and worse about themselves, and no one wants that :). - a terrible and vice, beware of it. And decide on the authorities - who and in what can be an authority for you, whom you listen to, and who you cannot listen to.

Reason 3. Lack of self-confidence. When a person has low self-esteem, when he is not confident in himself, he always finds it difficult to make responsible decisions, he constantly doubts. And if a person does not have confidence within, he begins to look for it from other people, but again goes to his loved ones. And it’s good if a person comes across an adequate and interested relative who will support his endeavors. In most cases, these impulses will be extinguished in the bud due to envy, misunderstanding, disinterest of others, etc. Therefore, strengthen yourself and do not strive to find support in your loved ones.

There are other reasons - this is why a person becomes dependent, total weakness and spinelessness, when a person in life is like a mat on which all their feet are wiped. In this case, you need to create your own inner rod, become . Other reasons.

But even if you recognize yourself in the examples described above, don’t be upset! A problem understood is a problem half solved.

How not to depend on the opinions of other people. Algorithm

1. You must honestly admit to yourself what you are afraid of., why are you afraid to have your own opinion? Why are you afraid of not being approved by others? Why do you need this approval so much? And in the end, decide what you need more, the approval of others or yours cherished goal, your dream, your new life.

Much in our life depends on the people around us, their opinions, assessments, encouragement or blame. A person can move mountains if he is praised, or withdraw into himself when he hears negative feedback addressed to him. If a person whose opinion is important to us expresses dissatisfaction, then our sense of self can suddenly change to negative. The dress, which seemed chic, after my husband’s critical assessment, I want to immediately return it to the store. The long-awaited new car no longer seems like such a profitable purchase after the critical comments of a colleague. However, it's not your inability to do a good choice, but in your dependence on someone else’s assessment. Anyone has the right to express their opinion, but this does not mean that it objectively assesses your situation, and therefore you should learn to listen to it, but not depend on it. We offer you some practical tips on how to leave aside the opinions of others and not take them personally, so as not to spoil your life.

5 tips on how to stop depending on the opinions of other people

Don't get hung up on other people's thoughts and decisions

Anyone can express their negative or positive opinion, but no one is asking you to follow these thoughts or advice. Don't get caught up in the idea that others are right and you are wrong. The task is to be able to recognize the truth in the opinions of others and draw your own conclusions from this, applying them in practice in your life, in your worldview and thoughts. Why turn your world upside down if someone decides to criticize you?

Maybe it’s better to look for the reason for such criticism and analyze the actions of others.

You should listen to the opinions of the people around you only if you really need someone's advice. But even then, you need to remember that all people make mistakes.

Stop pleasing, let them please you!

To please your mother, father, sister, brother, lover, beloved, son, daughter, girlfriend or boyfriend means doing unquestioningly what others want, leaving own emotions and desires aside. Is it a luxury for you to do something for yourself? If for a long time If you try to please everyone, then as a result you can lose faith in yourself, gradually turning your life into fulfilling the desires of others. Try to change your attitude towards the words of other people: their wishes are not a reason for you to rush to fulfill them. Turn your life around, let those around you try to do something for you. To do this, reconsider your circle of friends, maybe they are just taking advantage of you. Why then such friends?

Show others that your life and your own interests are more important to you than those of others.

Don't assume that someone thinks a lot about you - this is a delusion

There is no point in constantly worrying about what others will say about your hairstyle, manicure, or makeup. Everyone thinks only about themselves, and if they see you with an unwashed hair without makeup, no one will even pay attention, and if they do, it will be literally for one moment, and they will immediately forget. This does not mean that others do not pay attention to each other at all, but this is short-term attention strangers it’s not worth the worries and efforts, the torment that sometimes you take into your head.

Be unique, inimitable and unconventional. Be yourself first

If you constantly try to be like another person, fulfill all his wishes, immediately change your opinion if someone from your environment does not like it, then you can lose your Individuality. And finding it again is not so easy. Always be yourself, express your own interesting thoughts, defend your opinion, prove that you are right.

Don't compare yourself to other people, everyone lives their own life

Dependence on the opinions of others can ruin your life even more if you compare yourself with other people. Who has a better car, more fashionable clothes, a cooler smartphone - everything is different for me. This leads to worries that the job is not so prestigious, the salary is not so high. With such thoughts, depression sets in more and more. Don't compare other people's capabilities and resources with yours. Each person has their own set of skills, abilities and capabilities. Find something in yourself that others don’t have and develop it. Grow confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Before doing anything, people often ask the question: “What will friends, relatives, co-workers, passers-by think about me?” Every person has had situations when he completely succumbed to the influence of others and reacted painfully to the opinions of others.

For example, you dreamed of becoming a programmer, but your parents insisted on entering medical school because your grandmother was a doctor. You were engaged in ballroom dancing, and a friend called this hobby unfashionable and suggested going with her to Gym. You wanted to watch a new film with your favorite actor, but your work colleagues said that the movie was disgusting and not worth wasting your time on.

So many, to the detriment of their desires and interests, become completely dependent on the opinions of others. Such people can no longer take an independent step and are constantly waiting for someone else’s approval or praise. However, they do not realize that such dependence greatly harms their personal development and prevents them from building their own lives.

CAUSES AND CONSEQUENCES OF DEPENDENCE ON OTHER OPINIONS

In childhood, parents decide absolutely everything for the child. Without taking into account the baby's opinion, they choose food, clothes, toys. Despite the fact that even a baby has his own preferences. For example, some children like fruit puree, while others prefer vegetable puree. Parents often criticize their child’s friends and, pointing out their shortcomings, demand that they stop communicating.

They can also force their son or daughter to become friends with certain children: “Mashenka from the second entrance is a good student and dances. You need to meet her." Under the influence of such pressure, the child becomes secretive. He doesn't tell anyone about his experiences because he is afraid of hearing criticism and disapproval. But in adolescence openly conflicts with parents, trying to defend his own opinion. Of course, adults can be understood, because they wish only the best for the child.

However, pursuing good intentions, many parents impose their personal opinion on their children as the only correct one. First, they buy things to suit their taste, then they find the “right” friends, choose a prestigious university and, in their opinion, a suitable life partner. At the same time, parents do not think that a person who is dependent on others for everything is a potential loser.

After all, friends once imposed may turn out to be dishonest people. A specialty obtained at a prestigious university does not arouse interest. The person has no desire to work in his profession. And the excellent student Mashenka, the one that her parents liked, turned out to be a caring wife, but absolutely not the woman with whom she would like to live her whole life.

Such a person is unhappy and not satisfied with the current situation. At the same time, he cannot change anything, because he depends on the opinions of others and does not know how to live with his own mind. In addition to parents, friends are also able to impose their hobbies and behavior. They advise buying things in certain stores, purchasing the same car and choosing resorts where they themselves once vacationed. Colleagues at work may begin to evaluate professional qualities and even make comments about appearance.

How does this type of addiction affect a person’s life:

Loss of self. One gets the impression that others are putting pressure on and suppressing the individual’s personal opinion. Under such influence, one loses the ability to independently build one’s life and make decisions on one issue or another.
Need for external assessment. Such people need comments and approval of their actions. Different reactions are regarded as guidance on the right path. A person who has such an addiction is influenced by absolutely everyone around him.
The unquestioned opinion of parents. A child, for whom even in childhood his parents always made decisions, already in adulthood often depends on their opinion. Such people remain attached to the assessment from their relatives and are unable to contradict them, although they have the opposite view. Such attachment may result in the inability to exist independently.
Inability to defend your position. If in childhood the child was constantly subjected to pressure from peers or elders, as an adult he will not be able to lead a discussion. He will no longer have the desire to prove his point of view. It will be easier for him to agree and relegate his opinion to the background.
The desire to be like everyone else. A person with a similar position is afraid to stand out from the crowd and tries to live according to the principles of the herd. It is always important for such people to know that they are not worse than others, but like everyone else.
Avoidance of responsibility. Individuals who have these qualities are capable of deception; they cannot be relied upon, because they avoid responsibility in every possible way. A person who avoids solving serious issues is not welcome in the work team.

With the advent of the Internet dependence on other people's opinions is clearly demonstrated in in social networks. People post photos of various topics on their pages: weddings, babies, travel, gym, food, shopping, pets. All this so that others can see what a rich life a person has.

It gets to the point of absurdity when photos of breakfasts, lunches and dinners are posted on social networks. Photos can be accompanied by comments: “My morning yummy” or “Delicious shrimp for dinner.” People expect approval, reciprocal comments and, of course, likes from others.

They constantly visit the page to check who else has liked their post and rejoice like children after reading positive statements from friends. Such people are haunted by the thought: “What will my friends say if I post a photo of my new car?” or “Let everyone see our wedding.” A person wants to assert himself, show his importance, and misses the moment when he becomes painfully dependent on other people’s opinions.

Reasons for dependence on outside opinions:

Weak character. People with this trait are easily influenced from outside.
A man driven by his essence. Such individuals avoid responsibility and are unable to make decisions on their own.
Bad experience. Appears in childhood, when parents suppressed the child’s initiative to do something on his own. With age, the need to manage your life disappears, and this feature is transferred to the shoulders of friends or relatives.
Low self-esteem. This quality does not make it possible to defend one’s interests, but, on the contrary, forces a person to withdraw so as not to provoke outside condemnation.
Lack of love in childhood. In adult life, an individual longs to attract attention to himself, begging approval or condemnation from strangers. These actions help him feel that he is not an empty place.
Created stereotypes. If a child is praised for all his actions (eating, waking up, going to the toilet, etc.), he lives in fear of doing something wrong and therefore is always guided by other people's advice.

Thus, a person subject to the influence of others changes his behavior in order to please others. Such changes contradict internal beliefs. However, a person is much more worried about what colleagues will say, what friends will think and how parents will react.

HOW TO GET RID OF ADDICTION?

Simple enough. You need to understand yourself, understand the individual reasons for such painful dependence on other people's opinions.

And a simple exercise will help with this, specially invented in order to separate what you really need from what was imposed on you, and you meekly carry around - like someone else’s baggage.

This exercise is simple, but, like everything simple, it is brilliant. Try it and you will be surprised by the results. To perform this exercise you do not need teamwork in group psychotraining, it is performed alone.

All you need is a blank sheet of paper, a pen and an hour of free time. So…

Divide the sheet with two vertical lines into three columns, and then divide this sheet with horizontal lines into lines - as many lines as you want.

The first (left) column will be called " I am Real". Second (middle) column - « I'm Ideal" . The third (right) column will be called " What for? »

Real and ideal self

After thinking, make a numbered list of those qualities and characteristics of yours that you consider to be shortcomings. For example: “I have 6 extra pounds” or “I’m afraid to speak in front of people,” etc.

Once you've made your list in the left column, take each statement and restate it as if you were continuing the following phrase: “And ideally I...” and then you will get something like this: Ideally, I weigh 70 kg! Or: Ideally, I would be happy to speak in front of a full hall and inspire people to perform great deeds!

Look at what happened. You see, the results of this exercise reveal your goals and desires. Realistic goals or unrealistic ones? Yours or not yours? In order to accurately answer these questions, you need to fill out the third column “Why?”

What for?

Why do you need to lose weight? Why be able to speak in front of people (if, for example, you are an accountant)? How does this or that quality, skill, or shortcoming hinder you in life? And do they interfere? You can put question marks if it suddenly becomes clear that you can live well with this “shortcoming”.

Column “Why?” must be filled out thoughtfully and honestly. Those places where your hand itself puts down eloquently perplexed question marks are unrealistic and unnecessary goals for you. Most likely they are simply not yours. It happens that you can’t put anything on a line except a series of questions...

Remember your childhood. A tired and capricious child reaches for the 25th typewriter in a store. “I want it!” the child shouts.

"For what?" - a calm adult asks him stoically, “Why do you need this toy?”

So you think, do you need this toy or maybe you can be absolutely happy without it?

If you want to become independent person, then listen to yourself more often. You need to go your own way, and not copy the lives of friends and relatives. Let your children make choices so they are not dependent on other people's opinions.