How to decide to have a serious conversation with your boss. How not to talk to your boss

Communication with your immediate superior is an integral part of the work process. And this, alas, cannot be avoided. Therefore, your speech should be restrained and calm when talking with the director. A business conversation should be respectful and polite; under no circumstances should you raise your tone or stubbornly prove that you are right. Such people are most often respected not only by their superiors, but also by the entire team.

The first rule, which must not be forgotten, is that the conversation should be conducted strictly on business, and not on personal issues.

You can, of course, sometimes joke or take the conversation in a different direction, but it is better if the director himself takes this initiative than you. With management, you need to be concise and clear in your arguments, not say anything unnecessary, and, as people say, strictly follow the given course. State the facts as accurately as possible, without any of your assumptions or guesses. The conversation should be structured concisely, without unnecessary speech patterns.

If you have done something wrong and are called to the carpet, it is best not to contradict your boss, but to confess everything and apologize for the current situation. Say that you had no ill intentions and will certainly try to fix everything as soon as possible.

Politeness never harmed anyone. Therefore, even if your director is rude to you, do not stoop to the level of a street tyrant, but resolve this issue with the help of your poise and restraint, remain within the bounds of decency. But this does not mean that you should constantly endure humiliation and insults directed at you. If, nevertheless, the boss behaves with you in an unacceptable way, does not know the rules of etiquette for communicating with staff, then you need to delicately point out this shortcoming to him. Nothing bad will happen to you. Yes, of course, this may result in dismissal, but it’s not a big loss. After all, it’s better to find another job than to kill yourself mentally every day and ruin your emotional health. Perhaps the boss best case scenario will stop being rude to you, and in the worst case, switch to someone else.

One more thing directly important rule in communicating with the director is how to correctly address yourself with “you” or “you”. If the company does not have a strict corporate environment, then choose what your boss prefers, but it’s best on a “you” basis, since the distance between the boss and subordinates should always be present, otherwise there will be chaos in the office. You yourself understand perfectly well that a sign of respect is manifested in addressing a person. Therefore, remember that the director is not yours best friend, and your top worth management at the job for which you get paid wages, and this is quite important.

Remember that work is not only a way to earn money, but about direct communication with people, which everyone needs. But if you are humiliated there, you should not stay in this team. After all, as they say, the fish rots from the head. This means that management influences staff and turns them into others like themselves. Don't allow this kind of influence in your life because it will not bring you joy and success.

Margarita Smurova

21.01.2015 | 1165

Communication with the manager is an important part of the work process. Properly established relationships with superiors help in work and promote career growth. How to achieve the necessary mutual understanding?

To line up a good relationship with a manager, you need to take into account a lot of aspects. Let's figure it out.

What types of leaders are there?

The boss usually sets the tone and manner of communication. In many ways, communication depends on what type of leader he is.

Autocrat

The main requirement of an autocrat is strict obedience to his orders. The most important priority for him is to achieve the goals he has set himself. When communicating with such a leader, strictly observe subordination and do not show initiative.

Liberal

Business communication of this type of boss involves discussions on work topics. However, the trust he places in his subordinates should not be confused with permissiveness.

A liberal manager listens to the advice of subordinates

Democrat

The democrat considers his subordinates competent and experienced enough to entrust them with solving current problems. He is objective, takes into account everyone’s contribution to the common cause, and encourages initiative. Despite the subordination, he does not isolate himself from his subordinates. It is also appropriate to discuss personal topics with a democrat.

Leaders may be different, but subordinates must always be ethical business communication and protect the authority of your boss. Gossip about personal qualities boss behind his back is strictly prohibited! This reasonable requirement allows you not to damage the reputation of the organization in which you work.

When is the best time to contact your manager?

If you need to discuss an urgent work issue with your boss, do not delay the conversation. This is especially true in cases where a decision needs to be made as soon as possible.

The situation is completely different if you want to talk about a topic that concerns you personally. For example, ask for a salary increase. You need to be well prepared for such a conversation and, of course, choose the right moment for it.

You should not ask your boss for anything if the financial situation in the company is unfavorable. After all, a positive decision requires not only desire, but also opportunity. By the way, a good argument in your favor will be your personal participation in improving the situation.

It’s good if you can prepare just such a justification for your increase. Then it would be logical to schedule a conversation with the manager for Friday. Over the weekend, he will be able to think carefully about the arguments you have made.

If you have done something wrong and the boss himself is the initiator of communication with you, there is nothing to do, you need to go when they call you “on the carpet”. Try to be convincing when you have to make excuses.

What to wear for a scheduled conversation with your boss?

If you have planned a conversation with your manager in advance, you should think about how you would like to appear before him. For a business conversation, you need to look as professional and serious as possible.

A business suit is ideal for a meeting with the boss

Costume. Give preference to a business suit in a neutral color. Don't wear sheer, romantic blouses or intricate, colorful dresses with a breathtaking neckline. Let's leave such outfits for more appropriate occasions.
Shoes. Choose closed shoes, the colors of which are in harmony with the suit, with low or medium heels.
Accessories. Gold watches and diamond jewelry do not correspond to the image of a modest and hardworking employee.

There is one more point that you should pay attention to: you must have well-groomed and neat hands, no bright red nails. It is recommended to have a fresh manicure and makeup in pastel colors.

Important nuances in communicating with your manager

There are no trifles in matters of communication between managers and subordinates. And some nuances need to be paid the closest attention.

Tone. Keep yourself in control in any situation. The boss can afford to lose his temper, but you cannot, unless you are ready to quit right now.
Arguments. Don’t drive your boss into a corner: he still won’t admit he was wrong, but he will remember his unpleasant emotions from talking to you.
Gestures. Avoid crossed arms and other “closed” positions. Mutual understanding is facilitated by mirroring (copying) gestures, but this is a topic for another discussion.
Pose. Sitting on the edge of a chair reveals uncertainty. Sit naturally, but not loosely.

Remember that the outcome of the conversation often depends on how much you control yourself.

In his book, Bruce Tulgan addresses a key issue modern managers- the epidemic of “undermanagement” - and offers concrete steps that will help you become a strong manager who: clearly voices his expectations to employees, regularly receives and analyzes feedback, corrects the mistakes of subordinates in a timely manner and rewards them for success even faster.

Do you spend a lot of time talking with employees? You discuss hundreds of topics: “How was your weekend? Was your son's birthday a success? Have you seen this TV show? You may want to talk to employees about their personal business to build stronger connections with them. However, this approach interferes with managerial relationships. When the discussion turns to work-related issues, you may not always be able to take full advantage of your power. If you have a complex assignment, you sometimes have to put pressure on the employee. And in such a situation, you suddenly change your tone and begin to talk seriously, hastily, and sometimes too emotionally with him about work. And at this moment the employee may well say something like: “Hey, I thought we were friends?!” And you can forget about the previous mutual understanding.

I call it Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If you build relationships with employees by communicating with them about personal matters, like close friends, then in situations where the conversation turns serious, and this always happens, sooner or later, you must take on a completely different role. You go from Mr. Bosom Friend to Mr. Boss Jerk and stay in that role until the problem goes away and you get a chance to return to being Mr. Friend again. Only now Mr. Friend is already starting to seem like a fake, and Mr. Boss will have to fight for his rights.

Talk about work

If you want to be Mr. Friend to your employees, you can have a beer with them in the evening. However At work you have to be the boss. Your role is to maintain overall focus on the work and help everyone show best results every day. The good news is that The best way Building rapport with your employees means actually talking to them about work. This is what you have in common. In fact, work is the reason why you are in any relationship at all. When you build rapport by talking about joint activities, you reduce the likelihood of conflict and at the same time create a relationship that will survive conflict should it arise. So talk about the work that has already been done and the work that remains to be done. Talk about avoiding mistakes, finding workarounds and making sure all resources are available in sufficient quantities, talk about goals, deadlines, norms and specifications, talk about work. And everything will be much better.

How do the most effective manager-mentors talk?

Many managers tell me: “I’m not a natural leader. I...” (You can fill in the missing ones yourself, for example, accountant, engineer, doctor, and so on). They state: “I don’t really like the management process. It involves too many difficult conversations.” In fact, these managers make it clear that they don't know how to effectively talk to employees about work.

Only a few have a special type of charisma, an infectious passion and enthusiasm that inspires and motivates people. What about everyone else? You may not be able to develop charisma, but you can very well learn to talk about work directly and effectively. You can learn to speak Right words to its employees in right time and in the right way.

The most effective managers use a specific method of communication. They adopt special postures, demeanor and tone. They can be both authoritative and responsive, demanding and supportive, disciplined and patient. This is not Mr. Friend's or Mr. Boss's style, but rather something in between. This particular way of communicating is a lot like performance coaching.

“I’ve never been a particularly good mentor,” managers sometimes tell me, “so I don’t know what it’s like.” Well, I can describe the mentor speaking in a smooth and insistent voice. He is methodical and involved. He is full of enthusiasm and assertiveness. His behavior is constantly aimed at stimulating concentration and responsibility.

Try to think of the best boss, teacher, counselor, or spiritual guide you have ever encountered in your life. Try to hear the sound and tone of his voice, and think of examples of his honesty and openness. Reflect on the impact he had on you.

When I think of mentoring, I immediately think of Frank Gorman, the greatest teacher I have known and learned from. All those years that we knew each other, Frank was focused on one thing - karate. He was fortunate to have the special charisma, passion and enthusiasm that characterize strong leaders. He is a true master at helping people gain the right degree of concentration and work hard to achieve a single goal for many hours, without even thinking about rest. How does he do this?

"The only thing that matters is yours thumbs, Frank would repeat week after week, “squeeze them, press them firmly into the palms of your hands, so firmly that the tendons of your forearms rise.” I was covered in sweat, tense with physical exhaustion, trying to look straight ahead with my jaw dropped, shoulders back, elbows tucked, back straight, legs firmly pressed into the floor, and Frank Gorman alternately screamed and whispered in my ear, “Thumbs, squeeze thumbs, that’s the only thing that matters right now.”

Another day, the only thing that mattered became something else: my eyes, my jaw, my shoulders, and so on. Finally, a few years ago, I asked, “How can my thumbs be the only thing that matters in karate? How can you learn anything when the only thing that matters is constantly changing. Every time it’s something new!” Frank smiled and replied, “No one can learn karate in a day or a year. All we have is today. What can I teach you right now? What can you concentrate on at this very moment? What can you improve in this moment? The only thing that matters is that we do here and now.”

The main thing I learned from Frank is that the relentless power of your insistent voice simply leaves the person you mentored with no choice but to focus on what they are doing right now. For those who become mentees in such a situation, the demands can be very serious, but the return on effort will be enormous. When you set people up for success in this way, the only option for them is to immerse themselves in their work, because you, unlike most people in their lives, require them to be the best. You remind them to focus on every detail. As you help them improve one skill after another, by focusing on developing the skill, they learn to concentrate. They become black belts in everything they do. And perhaps many years after they stop working for you, they will still continue to hear your voice: “The only thing that matters is what we do right now.”

Obviously, some people have O greater talent for mentoring than others. However, any person can adopt the style of communication characteristic of a mentor, coach, teacher. Should you imitate someone from your own past? Yes Just try it. This is a great starting point and you will eventually develop your own style.

You shouldn't run around the office shouting "hurray."

Sometimes managers worry that if they talk to subordinates as mentors, they will seem insincere and their words will sound unnatural. As one senior executive at a software company put it, “I won't run around the office shouting 'Hurray.' I'm not a mentor."

However, mentoring has little to do with such cries. And so good news: Truly effective mentoring simply cannot be unnatural. This is always a sincere process. And sometimes he turns out to be so sincere that you don’t even realize that you are mentoring.

This is roughly what I answered to this manager. I then asked him to recall the best examples of his own management communication throughout his career. As he began to describe his successes in management, a smile appeared on his face. And guess what? His stories were great examples of a mentor at work. He said:

“I thought of each person as an individual. Who is he, what does he think? I tried to concentrate on the work and its results, and not on the person. I chose my words very carefully. I wanted to understand as accurately as possible what I already knew and what I didn’t. I asked questions, but I also pushed the person toward specific next steps. We were right in the middle of the project, so I took extra time to share what went right and what went wrong. We then developed a detailed plan next steps, and I continued to monitor their execution until they were all completed."

Here's how exactly the boss should talk:

tune in to the person for whom you have become a mentor;
focus on specific examples of his work;
describe the employee’s work and results in a sincere and clear manner;
formulate the next specific steps

Don't wait for problems to arise before mentoring.

Quite quickly at the very beginning of our work with managers, we realized that some bosses can be considered real masters of mentoring, but many are not particularly successful at it. However, we have learned that when it comes to managing people, it is talking in a coaching manner that can lead to real action.

The trouble is that most managers only start mentoring when they are faced with constant challenges such as missed deadlines and poor quality of work or misbehavior, for example, an unfriendly attitude towards clients or colleagues. Only when managers realize that the problem is not going away do they decide to invite the employee into their office and start teaching: “I see that your performance is not going well, and we need to work on fixing it for a while.”

By this point, the participants in the dialogue may already have discomfort. The manager starts asking the employee: “What’s the problem?!”, and the employee, listening to him, thinks: “Why didn’t he talk to me about this earlier?” Often the manager’s next step is limited to saying: “Don’t do that again.” And this works, but only until the problem arises again; do not forget that if the difficulties are constant, it is probably caused by the fact that the employee either does not know what needs to be done to correct the situation, or is under power one or more bad habits causing the problem to return, and when the problem returns, it is too late to mentor. It’s best to do this in advance so that you have time to set your employee up for success. For example, if you have a subordinate who chronically misses deadlines, don't wait for the next time it happens. Start mentoring as soon as you set your first deadline. Help the employee set milestones, and then, every step of the way, help him create a plan to meet them. Communicate with your employee more often. Discuss in advance what and how will happen when the work is completed. If you do this, then in 99% of cases this person will submit his work on time.

Stop mentoring when problems have already appeared; do it when the employees are doing great or at least just fine. Be a mentor at every stage of your subordinates' work and help them develop good habits to deprive them of the chance to develop bad ones.

Achieve extraordinary results from ordinary people

Over the years, I have been fortunate to work with many officers in the United States Armed Forces. One of the most amazing things about the military is its ability to turn huge numbers of young and relatively inexperienced people into incredibly effective leaders. Take the Marine Corps, for example. The force has an officer-to-enlisted ratio of one to nine, and the Marines are forced to rely heavily on temporary leaders from within their own ranks. At any moment, one of the eight must be ready to take responsibility and lead a fire team of three comrades. The Army successfully turns ordinary nineteen-year-old boys into effective leaders. How does this work?

Recruits are trained very harshly and aggressively. Every day from morning to evening for thirteen weeks in boot camp, recruits are told exactly what to do and how to do it, and their every move is monitored, evaluated and documented. Challenges are not ignored, and any reward, no matter how small, must be earned through hard work, but even after the first period of training is completed, this aggressive, thorough and thoughtful mentoring of Marines continues daily. When it comes to developing new leaders, the Marine Corps is, as always, incredibly methodical. Marines are learning mentoring techniques. They learn to tune in to each soldier's wavelength, constantly discuss his activities with him and instruct him step-by-step so that tasks are performed better.

The new leader takes full responsibility for the team. He knows exactly who, where, why, when and how he is doing this or that business. He makes his expectations very clear. He tracks, measures and documents the results of his subordinates. He solves problems as they arise and the team leader takes care of his foot soldiers. As a result, the average nineteen-year-old is often a better manager than many managers with decades of professional experience.

“We have to get extraordinary results from ordinary people,” a Marine officer told me. - AND the only way The way to do this is to squeeze these results out of every person every day through tireless and active leadership work at every level of the hierarchy.”

Marines call this tireless and proactive leadership. I call it mentoring - learn to talk like a boss-mentor and squeeze extraordinary results out of every ordinary employee.

» Bad Bosses 2

Dealing with a “difficult” manager
(Methods of confronting tyrant bosses)

Knowing the different types of difficult managers, identifying them, and dealing with them can help you build healthier, more productive relationships with your supervisors. Below we describe the types of “difficult bosses”, as well as some recommendations for correctly building a behavior strategy for their subordinates.

First of all, difficult leaders share several common characteristics. Firstly: even if you personally do not have a good relationship with your boss, this does not mean that your boss is in the “difficult” category. Perhaps you just don't get along. Not only you, but also the majority of his subordinate employees should be firmly convinced that “the boss is an asshole.” Secondly: such bosses are very constant in their “difficult” behavior. They have a rigidly fixed style - this is their original “set of quirks”, unique distinctive features which they use to control others. Such bosses are literally fixated on their style of behavior. Therefore, their subordinates know in advance what they are going to do - even before they do it. Thirdly: communication with such managers takes a lot of energy and nerves from their employees. Fourth: the energy expended by employees when contacting them is usually not commensurate with the importance of the problem being addressed. And finally, any of these bosses can be either male or female.

Types of “difficult” leaders .

1. "Mafia" ("bull")- a classic character in jokes and gangster television series. Looks like a boxer, wrestler or criminal. A shaved head or a short haircut, a “bull neck”, “a golden chain on that oak tree...” Not tortured by education - vocational school or technical school. Loves simple types businesses that do not require large quantity brain convolutions (market, gas station, car service, parking lot). Specific primitive speech with a large number of words that cannot be translated into foreign languages. He drinks a lot (expensive cognac, whiskey, vodka), smokes, and sometimes uses drugs. He drives a jeep, lives in a mansion or cottage, and loves gambling. Likes to “relax” on vacation abroad or “with the girls” in an expensive nightclub. He likes to talk loudly on his cell phone on the beach: “Well, I have everything covered there, I have three companies, I installed young guys with diplomas as directors, the tax office was bought...”. Usually not obligatory in negotiations and business contacts, he deceives when he is confident in the “roof”. There is complete chaos and low wages when working with personnel. Divides people into those who are stronger and weaker than him. He is afraid of the former and despises the latter. Disdain for everyone who is weaker than him, who agrees with him and is inferior to him is a characteristic feature of such a person. Often feels the desire to publicly humiliate and suppress his subordinates. Feels the greater anger and desire to humiliate, the more helpless and weak the victim looks.

2. "New Russian"- V last years he greatly displaced the previous type of bosses. Most often young, about 30 years old, educated, very rich. The origin of the fortune is not advertised, most often financial fraud with the bank or the use of budget funds. Higher education - economic, legal, sometimes technical. He does not suffer from deep mental anguish. No problems with public morals or corporate ethics. Ready to “walk over corpses” without hesitation. He deeply despises everyone who is below him on the social ladder, but outwardly observes the limits of decency. An introvert (closed personality), usually does not show emotions when communicating with subordinates. Looks to the side or through a person in a conversation. If the topic or interlocutors are not interesting to him, then he is ready to end the conversation in 3-5 minutes (“hard style”). Always dressed well, maintains excellent physical shape, does not drink alcohol or in small quantities, interest in women (men) is moderate. Prefers to hire highly qualified personnel (lawyer, accountant, manager) for the organization. He pays very well for his work, but if there are any mistakes, he kicks you out without a second thought.

3. "Authority"- a domineering, strong leader of an authoritarian style, does not tolerate objections. This is the image of the “red director,” a traditional Soviet leader: strict, respectable, experienced, responsible and knowledgeable of the “real economy of the country.” His development as a leader was associated with party and economic work. Therefore, I got used to honoring rank and hierarchy. Subordinates who do not want to look up to him cause an aggressive reaction because they break his ideas about what is proper. Lives by the proverb “the boss is always right.” He can quickly fire a disobedient person, even his closest assistant. In general, he is reluctant to let anyone approach him. close quarters people outside his immediate circle.

Outwardly, he seems to be a simple-minded and even masculine person, not prone to reflection. But it is not always the case. He drinks a lot, enjoys good food and the company of women after work. He has an extraordinary will and powerful energy. The need for power and control over people is extremely developed. Addressing subordinates as “you” (an old habit of Soviet and party leaders) Expects from subordinates not so much approval and admiration for their person, but unquestioning execution of orders

In dealing with subordinates, he is cruel, but open and ready to listen to arguments expressed in the proper form. He quickly makes decisions, which are not always justified and fair, and “cuts from the shoulder.” IN modern business poorly mastered - this is a disappearing type of leader. Sooner or later it loses in competition to the “new Russians”. With his departure from the enterprise, an entire era ends, and it is always painful, but the team remembers him as a good “red director.”

4. "Napoleon"- usually (but not always) small in stature, unprepossessing appearance, a lot of complexes. The level of intelligence is most often average (“there are not enough stars in the sky”). Strive for power to heal your psychological traumas. Since childhood, I felt inferior: girls didn’t pay attention, guys beat me, adults humiliated me, I had to constantly catch up with the “lucky ones.” Over time, the desire to overcome his shortcomings acquired the character of overcompensation, encouraging him to develop and improve himself. He took it with diligence, diligence and hard work (“butt”). Very vain, he barely made it to the top. More than anything else, he is afraid of losing his position and status. Disciplined, smart, an organizer by nature, an introvert. Behavior in a team is “from rags to riches.” Loves himself and his achievements. He is vindictive until the end of his life, touchy, does not forgive jokes and criticism, prefers flattery, loves when his merits, office, works and achievements are praised.

5. "Important Bird" or “cheek puffer” is a fairly common type of middle-level manager who has recently become a boss. Likes to pretend to be a “high-flying bird.” He puts on a mysterious air, making it clear to those around him and his subordinates that he knows and can do a lot, that he has “his hand everywhere” (the mayor, the governor, the president himself). In fact, this leader became a boss solely by chance. Mediocre abilities: intuitive personality type, low or average level intelligence, bad memory And analytic skills, arrogant. Focused on personal and family needs, he never forgets himself, but he does not steal on a large scale, does not take large bribes - he is afraid of losing his position forever. In the work team, he prefers weak subordinates, conflicts, “slanders” and flattery. Such a hero was perfectly played by Igor Ilyinsky in the film “Volga-Volga”.

6. "Organizer" ("Enthusiast"). Constantly on the move, extremely sociable (choleric), prefers to quickly solve operational problems to the detriment of strategic ones, he is distinguished by high level intelligence. More often he is chubby, bald, and overweight. The external image of a friendly, lively, enthusiastic interlocutor, can quickly organize the implementation of any task and mobilize labor collective to achieve the goal. However, he is capable of driving his subordinates to quiet madness with his idiotic undertakings and “valuable” initiatives. Therefore, the first managers rarely emerge from the “organizer” - most often he gets to the chief engineer, deputy for economics or personnel. The office and desk are always littered with papers, documents, newspapers, the secretary does not trust to sort them out, he navigates thanks to his excellent memory and “social acumen.”

7. "Cunning fox"- outwardly always smiling, pleasant person. Received a good education, comprehensively developed personality, definitely has a hobby (drawing, writing poetry, coin collector, playing music), a creative personality type, choleric or phlegmatic, focused on the surrounding reality, quickly reacts to changes in the environment, usually has no problems with morality, avoids conflicts. Has solid authority important person from a senior leader, they come to him for advice. These managers make up the main specialists (chief accountant, chief legal adviser, chief technologist, HR assistant). In operational work with him, it is important to document the progress of negotiations, endorse documents (he does not like this), draw up minutes of meetings and reach agreement. Without this, he may refuse the agreement. In a team, he prefers silence and minor conflicts, does not like authoritarianism, but is forced to obey his superior.

8. "Eminence grise"- a very strong personality in a team, prefers to be “in the shadows” and in secondary roles with a young or old leader, usually aged 50 years or older, suffered serious illness which is always in him. He has an excellent education, very high intelligence, excellent memory and vast production or personnel experience. Outwardly ascetic in appearance, thin, gloomy, introvert, nothing can be read from his face, widower or unhappy family life. He does not accept gifts or bribes, he does not make decisions himself, he likes to prepare decisions and implement them through top management (“Your idea”), he is a good diplomat, and he respects the interests of the enterprise or organization. Historical images: Cardinal Richelieu and member of the Politburo of the CPSU Central Committee M. A. Suslov.

9. "Bully" loud, persistent, firm, menacing, aggressive, and it is said that he has influential friends in high places (often the “bully” does this himself). Bullies have a strong desire to control others; For them, life is an ongoing struggle for power.

Bullies are afraid of two things: their own imperfections and any form of intimacy. When dealing with this type of leader, stand up straight, look and speak openly, call him by name to get his attention without taking a fighting stance, and try to solve your problem with him. Try to control your own fear, since fear only incites (“turns on”) a leader of this type. Don't show your anxiety and give the bully time to vent his anger.

When the bully's offensive impulse begins to wane, it's your turn to take the initiative. Avoid "any collision." Be friendly but firm. Smile if it seems appropriate, but don't be intimidated. Focus on the problem and your needs. If you show respect rather than fear, the bully will look for another “victim.”

10. "Bear" usually friendly, nice and well-wishing. However, such leaders have two main disadvantages: they postpone decisions at all costs and make do with statements of a general nature, avoiding being specific. Slow managers are actually victims of demanding, meticulous parenting; They put off tasks to avoid trouble, beat around the bush, avoid being honest, and are afraid of hurting someone's feelings.

Slow managers are afraid of making a mistake that could expose their professional inadequacy and failures. If your manager is slow, try to detect this in a “hidden barrier” situation. Be confident and let him know that it's easy to make mistakes when you're learning something. Ask what he means when he uses vague or ambiguous words, and agree on a precise and realistic time frame for completing the work. Be flexible, but stick to the facts. Use positive techniques and avoid pressure: a slow leader is already insecure enough. Try to solve problems using alternatives arranged in a row. Provide support to the manager after he has made a decision. When he makes a decision, increase your vigilance; When accepting instructions and orders from him, do not rush things.

11. "Fighter"(for women “Amazon”). “Fighter” is a “walking bomb” with a ticking mechanism. His (or her) anger is not on the surface. The “fighter” explodes unexpectedly: he screams a lot, attacks and splashes out his sarcasm. He likes to “shoot” indiscriminately, quickly and often. When his outburst of irritation ends, he “crawls” back into his sullen silence. For the “fighter,” restoration of justice (real or imaginary) is the goal, revenge is the weapon.

The “fighter” is afraid of his own anger and the manifestation of his emotions, as well as insincerity in any form. When you approach this type of leader, try to confront him constructively. You can even tell him how difficult it is to deal with his full-on anger. Ask for a personal meeting with him; Do not allow deviations or failures. Then show your serious intent by focusing on the question; try to direct his energy towards solving the problem. Make it a challenge for him, because he likes challenges.

12. "Flatterer" constantly smiling, friendly, obsequious, with a sense of humor. “Flatterers” tell people what they want to hear; trying to “pin them to the wall” is as fruitless as trying to collect mercury with a fork. “Flatterers” believe more in form and influence than in substance and competence. The need for approval makes them specialists in subterfuge.

The “flatterer” is afraid of direct conversation and direct action, which sometimes leads to the spawning of enemies. He needs approval - so give it to him, laugh at his jokes and enjoy his stories. But don't let him make unrealistic commitments. Keep him accountable and demand facts: names, location, specific task and confirmation of truth. Let him know that honesty is the best policy.

13. "Know-It-All" knows a lot, but his problem is that he acts as if he knows everything. He (or she) is very impatient, which manifests itself in an inability to listen. If a “know-it-all” encounters negative phenomena, he criticizes what he himself does not know, blames others, since he himself needs little help and does not like to work in groups. The “know-it-all” thinks that his personal intelligence and knowledge is the only way to evaluate other people’s work performance.

The “know-it-all” is afraid of not pleasing others, afraid sharp fall own standards of excellence. Don't fight the know-it-all, don't blame him, and avoid confrontation with him; Don’t try to be a “counter-expert” (challenge him about something he considers himself an expert on). On the contrary, lead him to solving the problem. Ask the know-it-all, listen to him and express gratitude to him; then provide feedback and suggest alternatives.

14. "Lazy" (slob). The personal habits (inclinations) of a “lazy person” can be annoying and even disgusting; disorder and chaos manifest themselves both in his (or her) work and in personal life. “Lazy people” cannot navigate the order of things and prioritize tasks; their clothes are constantly wrinkled, stained or torn. They may eat too much, smoke, smell of alcohol, or leave half their lunch on their mustache.

The “lazy guy” does not want to admit that he must take responsibility for his actions, showing childishness and carelessness. If you work with a lazy person, support him when he accidentally acts neatly and help him achieve greater order in his personal and professional life. Point to by example that if you behave the same way as him, then the matter will stop. Try to instill a minimum knowledge of NOTES in the manager. “Lazy” needs a hardworking and clear secretary who can solve problems.

15. "Abnormal" ("Concerned"). Such a leader exhibits abnormal (deviating from the norm) behavior. Abnormality manifests itself either in sexual harassment, or in frequent absenteeism, or in constant lies. “Abnormal” managers try to escape responsibility and hope that people will “cover” for them. They are overly anxious, ineffective, and it is difficult to understand whether this excitement and restless whims are the cause or effect of their own problems. His behavior quickly manifests itself on business trips, because... He gets drunk more often, is rude, pesters women, and makes scandals.

An “abnormal” leader is afraid of responsibility and, perhaps, even when achieving success, behaves inappropriately. It is advisable to carefully document his anomalies in order to provide "credible evidence" to prevail in the event that he tries to lie to protect himself. Some employees should have their own records of abnormal behavior by a supervisor; such documents can provide convincing evidence of one's case in the event of a confrontation.

Technology for dealing with a “difficult” leader

When dealing with a difficult manager, you have several acceptable options. The most effective strategy depends on the type of difficult manager you have and your own specific features personality and art of management. Below are the behavior options from which you can choose the best ones.

Don't do anything. Just keep doing what you've been doing all along. Of course, this has already led to the current situation and does not promise anything good. But if your fear of trying your luck is greater than your level of dissatisfaction, perhaps the best thing to do is to let things play out as they take their course, since any other course may simply add fuel to the fire.

Reevaluate your manager. Individual leaders are not really “difficult.” Some employees think they have "difficult" managers; in reality, they simply have different ideas about their roles, goals, or values. Or it may turn out that the matter is a contradiction (incompatibility) of individuals - such as, for example, an extrovert (a person interested only in external objects) and an introvert (a person focused on his experiences); or the problem is in conflicting perspectives - such as the detail-oriented and the opposite "big picture" perspective. The meaning of these differences depends on how you look at them and how you use them; a combination of people with a "big picture" perspective and a detailed perspective can make for an excellent team, but can also lead to confrontation. Reconsider and reevaluate your manager.

Improve your style. Sometimes the best approach is to forget about trying to change your manager and improve your own behavior. Of course, you must have the desire to change, otherwise the attempt will fail. If you decide to change, try to make just one or two conscious and important changes in your approach to work. Change what is directly hindering the effectiveness of your relationship with your boss.

Talk to your supervisor. First, you need to evaluate whether your manager is a good candidate for a one-on-one conversation. Some managers simply don't practice this type of interpersonal communication, in which case you might want to give up the attempt. Is your manager able to take criticism? Is he (or she) a caring person? Can he (or she) listen? If your manager is a good candidate for dialogue, then ask him for a meeting, prepare carefully for it; ask meaningful questions and observe his reactions; At the same time, use feedback, expressing your approval in those cases where you consider it necessary. Remember that most leaders crave genuine, caring feedback to ease the burden that their difficult behavior creates. If your difficult manager has a difficult manager, then your boss may need this support even more than you do. Give him a good example.

"Talk anonymously". If you're afraid to tell your boss what you think directly, you can try communicating your thoughts to him through a tactful, attentive, but still honest letter. Posting a "difficult manager of the month" award on a notice board may have some effect, but don't try this approach in a small firm! Sometimes an anonymous message is the only acceptable way to get attention. However, don't get caught red-handed.

Select transfer (by service). If you like your organization but don't like your manager, getting a transfer may be the best alternative for you. Find the type of manager you would like to have and decide what type of work you would like to do for him. Make a list of several managers you would like to work with and directly or indirectly cast a bait to the best candidate. Your current manager should only know what you are doing if you are confident that you can successfully complete the transfer attempt.

Approach your superior. This strategy is risky, but it can be effective. Remember that there is a high probability that the "big boss" may side with your boss. As you know, a raven will not peck out a crow's eye. Try to determine how close they are, and beware if your leader belongs to his (or her) clan. If you do choose this approach, be sure to have a solid argument ready. Be objective and helpful, but don't "sell" your manager.

Be able to cope with a “difficult” leader. If none of the listed strategies appeals to you, there can only be one way out - you must be able to “tame” your manager! If you meet some of his or her needs, he or she will usually try not to lose you. But whatever you do, don't sacrifice your own values - it's not worth losing your self-respect. Look at the people who get along with this manager and learn from how they do it. For example, they take on responsibilities that the manager does not like to deal with, or do not require his approval when it is not required, or remain silent when the manager is indignant.

Change organization. A change of environment can often work wonders. But there is no guarantee that a manager in another organization will be better than your current one. However, if you are associated with a bad manager in a small organization, it may be time to look around and think about changing jobs. Evaluate your choice very carefully new organization and a new manager before leaving your current job.

This section uses materials from the book by G.V. Shchekina “How to effectively manage people. Psychology of personnel management" - Kyiv.: 1996. - P. 334-346.

This section uses materials from the book by A.P. Egorshina "Personnel Management". - Novgorod, 2001. - P. 400-410.

Continuing the topic:

Work is one of the most important aspects In human life. Being successful and getting promoted is the dream of any employee. But how to avoid mistakes and achieve progress faster?

To do this, you need to talk correctly with your superiors.

We mostly understand how not to talk to your boss. However, very often employees say things to their boss that they should never say, even though these are not such obvious mistakes.

Some phrases have the effect on bosses like a red handkerchief on a bull (yes, we all know that in fact bulls are irritated by movement, not color, but the expression about color still does not die).

Let's look at what phrases it is highly undesirable to use in a conversation with your bosses and what exactly is annoying for all bosses.

It can't be done

If the boss says to do something, he is sure that it can be done. And you shouldn’t immediately say “no, this is impossible” - most managers will immediately become convinced that you simply do not want to complete the task.

Ask - what then to do if the task is truly impossible? In general, the paradox is that there is no special way out.

Try to gradually modify the task, remove or add some points that make it easier to complete - but you shouldn’t say “it’s impossible to do.”

Well, or find yourself an assistant - but don’t immediately say that this is none of your business and you won’t do anything.

Perhaps the manager simply has no choice - all the employees are busy, and he found you to do the necessary work. He may even be aware that this is not your job, but another reminder of this can infuriate the boss.

This is not my responsibility

Another phrase similar to the previous one. Nowadays, many office workers, having read advice on how to behave with management, when asked to do this or that, say that this task is not part of their duties (for example, the boss tells the manager to run for coffee).

The whole truth is that the duties of an office worker do not include many things that have to be done. And some things, for example, games on an office PC or communication on VKontakte or Odnoklassniki, were never included in the official instructions at all.

However, the lion's share of office workers do this during official hours, which most bosses are aware of. Therefore, do not be surprised if, in response to such a phrase, you have to give up pleasant little things, like late coffee or the same Odnoklassniki.

Is it really that important?

In general, by default it is believed that if the boss says something or asks for something, it is already important. And if you are told to finish a certain project by a certain deadline, you have to do it.

And asking whether it is important, or whether the project really needs to be completed by a specified date, is to irritate management.

It's obvious

If you say this to your boss, he may feel that you think you are smarter than him. It is clear that no one will like this, and even less so the manager. If the things your boss talks about are obvious to you, you still shouldn’t show it clearly.

I'm just broken after last night's party

Well, this is generally stupid - and yet, some employees, when asked by their boss about why you are working so slowly, answer that they are “tired from last night’s party” or even say that “I have a hangover.”

Agree, none of the managers will be interested in such information.

I don't get paid for this

99% of the time you will be wrong when you say this to your boss. It is clear that they may indeed add some responsibilities to you, but answering like this means hastening your dismissal or simply turning management against you.

Come up with something else - for example, say that you are too busy with other responsibilities, or that you need to finish a certain project first.