Why is the profession of a customs officer interesting? Officials and employees of customs authorities of the Russian Federation

Do you remember the wonderful film “White Sun of the Desert” and its hero, customs officer Vereshchagin? There was no longer either a border or a country whose interests he stood guard over, and Vereshchagin still guarded his customs. “I don’t take bribes. I feel bad for the state!” – catchphrase this handsome strongman with principles and sovereign thinking has become the personification of the portrait of a real customs officer.

Remember the wonderful film “White Sun of the Desert” and its hero customs officer Vereshchagin in the magnificent performance of Pavel Luspekayev? There was no longer a border or a country whose interests he stood guard over, and Vereshchagin still guarded his customs, looking with disgust at the watermelons and black caviar that his wife fed him day after day. “I don’t take bribes. I feel bad for the state!” – the catchphrase of this handsome strongman with principles and sovereign thinking has become the personification of the portrait of a real customs officer.

This is exactly how principled and conscientious a person should be who guards state interests. Should be - this is the key phrase, since the portrait of a modern customs officer is very different from the “film” one. And it's not that modern world There are no Vereshchagins left, but the fact is that many young people choose the profession of a customs officer thoughtlessly. They are seduced by the supposed benefits, forgetting about the significance and features of this profession. Therefore, today we will try to talk about all the nuances, disadvantages and advantages of the customs officer profession, and we hope that this will help you consciously approach the choice of your future job.

Who is a customs officer?

Customs officer - an employee of the state customs service who monitors the movement of people, things, Vehicle, goods and other items across the customs border, as well as performing customs clearance and collecting customs duties.

The name of the profession comes from the Old Russian word tamga (seal, tax, duty), which in turn has Turkic roots. Note that in Ancient Rus' the customs was called mytney (from the word myt - the name of the payment collected by local princes). Story customs officer profession originates in ancient times, when the first foreign economic relations between states arose. It was then that the need arose to control goods and people crossing borders. This is what the very first customs officers did, and their activities have remained virtually unchanged since that time.

Today, as before, the job of a customs officer is to clear goods transported through state border. The professional responsibilities of this specialist include:

• registration of documentation for cargo;
• cargo inspection at customs, screening of citizens at the airport or train station;
• detection of contraband and goods prohibited for import or export;
• work at checkpoints;
• accounting of confiscated goods;
• investigation of offenses in the field of customs law.

More specifically, the customs officer must check the documentation for the goods and draw up his own declarations, determine the country of import and export of the goods and determine the amount of duties and their quantity, allow the cargo and citizens to cross the border. By the way, the range of duties of customs officers is so wide that within the profession there are several narrow specializations, which depend on the specialist’s place of work: checkpoint worker, passport control worker, international customs department employees, etc. Therefore, when crossing the border, citizens, as a rule, have to deal with the most different representatives this profession. It does not matter where exactly this border passes: at the airport, at railway station or in a sea harbour.

What personal qualities should a customs officer have?

Customs officer's work is associated with certain risks and temptations that impose a number of requirements on representatives of this profession. First, they must be different high degree patriotism, integrity and honesty. In addition, any customs officer must have such personal qualities as:

I would also like to say something about intuition. It is visually very difficult to determine whether a person or vehicle is carrying prohibited cargo or not. But experienced customs officers do this according to some signs that only they understand, “pulling the thread,” gradually unwinding the ball. In doing so, they rely not so much on knowledge of psychology and practical skills, but on their own intuition.

Also, the customs officer is required to have impeccable knowledge of the laws, legal and legal subtleties, rules for maintaining documentation and proficiency in an official business style of speech. Economic knowledge is also necessary for a customs officer, especially those related to trade turnover.

Advantages of being a customs officer

Ask any customs officer: what are the advantages of his profession. And you will definitely hear in response: of great importance for society. After all, it is customs officials who guard the country’s national security, preventing the import of contraband and preventing the free movement of terrorists.

Undoubtedly advantage of being a customs officer can also be called demand. As customs continues to expand as a result of increased trade volumes and the number of people crossing the border, young professionals will find it easy to find employment.

Customs officers have the right to benefits, for example, early retirement and a substantial increase in it. Customs officers involved in checkpoints, searching for contraband and prohibited goods are treated like military personnel and, accordingly, can count on the same benefits.

Due to the specific nature of the work, a customs officer develops very well his powers of observation, analytic skills, intuition, memory and mindfulness. These qualities, without any doubt, are useful not only when performing professional duties, but also in Everyday life. And the skills and knowledge in the field of jurisprudence and foreign economic activity acquired while working at customs will allow a former customs officer to easily obtain a leadership position in a commercial enterprise.

Disadvantages of the customs officer profession

Foremost disadvantage of the customs officer profession– this is constant pressure from people who want to circumvent customs rules, avoid paying duties or import prohibited goods. We can say that almost every customs officer has the risk of encountering them. Not everyone can resist temptation, resist, and remain an honest employee under the pressure of this kind of temptation.

This leads to the next disadvantage of this profession - high staff turnover. According to statistics, in our country customs is one of the most corrupt systems, and only 2-3% of customs officers can be called crystal clear. Well, since our state is actively fighting corruption and regularly introducing more and more anti-corruption measures, the ranks of customs service employees are often “cleansed”.

The disadvantages of this profession are also associated with the psychological stress that exists in the work. The constant need to be fully prepared, to strain attention and memory can lead to nervous breakdowns, stress and prolonged depression.

Where can you become a customs officer?

To become a customs officer It is not at all necessary to have a specialized education. However, since this profession requires a large amount of diverse knowledge, having a higher education is generally a prerequisite. Knowledge and skills in the field of customs can be obtained through special courses.

But still, we recommend obtaining this profession at specialized universities, since in this environment graduates of customs academies are valued most of all. In addition, only highly qualified customs officers can count on rapid career growth, especially if their education in the specialty “Customs Affairs” was received in such best universities Russia, How.

This profession has enormous social significance. After all, by monitoring the movement of transport, people and cargo across established customs borders, customs officers daily guard state economic and legal interests.

Work specifics

This is one of the main structures working to ensure economic security any state. They are the ones who prevent the import or export of contraband goods.

The fight against smugglers is the most dangerous and interesting area of ​​customs work. It is surrounded by an aura of heroism and danger. But employees of other customs departments make no less contribution to ensuring economic security. So, in Lately the volume of special technical means, included in the arsenal of customs representatives. And, as a result, specialists who know how to work with them professionally have become in demand. And dog handlers are still highly valued, without whom the activities of customs services would be much less effective.

For those who decided to throw in their lot with customs affairs, you should take into account the fact that this is quite a complex and responsible job. Customs is one of the departments related to the law enforcement system. Therefore, here, as in all law enforcement agencies, there is strict discipline and very strict rules.

You need to be prepared to show maximum diligence and attention every day. You will also need excellent health, good physical training, knowledge of foreign languages ​​and psychology, analytical mind .

In addition to all of the above, a prerequisite for employment in customs authorities is a higher education. Let's talk in more detail about which one.

What education does a customs officer need?

Of course, the most correct thing is to graduate from university with a degree in customs affairs. And it's best if it's Russian Customs Academy or Moscow University of Finance and Law. Diplomas from the Northwestern Academy of Public Administration and the Russian State Trade and Economic University are also highly rated in this area.

However, in any of the universities mentioned above, the competition for the specialty “customs affairs” is very high. And in order to become a student, you will need deep knowledge. Preparing for admission without the help of qualified tutors is unrealistic. You will find teachers who guarantee (of course, subject to a responsible attitude to study) admission to the most prestigious faculties on the website. A huge advantage of this service is the organization of online training. This form of conducting classes allows you to communicate with people from any corner, and also provides the most comfortable conditions, saving time and money.

To be fair, it is worth noting that you can become a customs officer without special education. But a university diploma is still required. The faculty may be:

• - economic - this service requires competent accountants and economists;
• - technical - those who can professionally communicate with complex equipment are always welcome here;
• - legal - at the same time, lawyers hoping to find employment in customs need high qualifications and experience.

In conclusion - about the main thing

Profession customs officer differs from many others in that, in addition to education and professionalism, it also requires crystal honesty.

Those who are planning to build a career in the customs service need to know that in this work they are often tempted to sacrifice the interests of the state for their own personal gain. After all, smugglers are always ready to pay off customs officers. And it can be extremely difficult to resist their offers.

But those who cannot resist risk saying goodbye to the customs service forever. Being one of the most corrupt government systems, customs is regularly subjected to serious purges. And few are able to pass strict control and selection. This is why this service has an extremely high staff turnover rate.

In order to not only become, but also remain a customs officer, take the example of the hero of the film “White Sun of the Desert” Vereshchagin, who became the standard of personality in customs structures. His famous phrase: “I don’t take bribes. I’m offended for the state!”- should become the motto of anyone who decides to devote his life to serving in the customs authorities.

The same idea is confirmed by Marina Ziboreva, senior state customs inspector of the customs legislation department of the Legal Directorate of the Federal Customs Service of Russia: “The key to achieving success in our profession is hard work, perseverance and dedication. The main thing, remember, is to be honest and always act fairly.”

Be professional, honest and dedicated to your chosen path, and then the profession of a customs officer will become your life’s work!

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Reference

The word “customs” came to us from the Turkic language, where a special mark was called tamga. Among the peoples of Central Asia, it was customary for them to brand objects in order to indicate whose property they were. So, among the marked property were weapons, livestock and even trees.

In Rus', since the times of the Golden Horde, tamga began to be called the payment for the khan’s permission to trade at markets and fairs. Customs in the modern sense appeared when merchants began to pay duties on the import and export of goods outside the country.

Description of activity

There are many specialists working in customs, each of whom has certain functions. So, there are those who deal exclusively with documentation work, while other specialists check luggage or collect customs duties. Thanks to the activities of customs officers, there is a strict procedure for the import and export of cargo and transport. These specialists, by preventing the trafficking of goods by criminals, reduce the threat of terrorism and illegal entry into the country narcotic drugs and weapons.

Wage

average for Russia:Moscow average:average for St. Petersburg:

Job responsibilities

What is a customs specialist obliged to do? His main job responsibility is to check and ensure the safety of the cargo. It must determine the country of the imported goods, the amount of duty on it, establish the identity of the carriers, and prevent violations on their part. An integral function of such an employee may also be checking and processing documents.

Features of career growth

The place of work of customs officers can be customs authorities, various organizations involved in customs business. These specialists, like civil servants, have the opportunity to advance through career ladder. The most experienced and talented of them can rise to the position of, for example, head of a customs post.

Employee characteristics

The work of a customs officer requires excellent knowledge of law, economics, the intricacies of trade turnover, ownership foreign languages, constant readiness for self-education. He must be hardworking and disciplined. The essential qualities of a modern specialist are an analytical mind, good memory, attentiveness, observation, quick reaction. When communicating with people he will need grammatically correct speech, politeness, insight and the ability to spot suspicious individuals in a large crowd of people. In order to prevent the spread of illegal goods in the country, this employee should take a responsible approach to business and honestly perform his duties.

A specialist in customs clearance of goods (cars) (from English: Customs Manager - manager for working with customs) deals with the preparation of documents for cars arriving from abroad.

Customs clearance specialist for cargo (vehicles)(from English Customs Manager - manager for working with customs) deals with paperwork for cars coming from abroad. The profession is suitable for those who are interested in economics and law (see choosing a profession based on interest in school subjects).

Despite the apparent monotony of the work associated with filling out a whole package of documents for each car, the work of a manager at customs is varied and interesting. After all, the cars come from different different countries, different models, V different condition. It is especially difficult to register a new brand of car that has not yet been imported to Russia or a new type of engine. Therefore, the design of each car lot is very individual.

As one of the stages of foreign trade activity, customs clearance is considered the most complex process, since Russian customs legislation is difficult to interpret in an unambiguous manner. Regulations and duty rates change frequently. It is necessary to strictly monitor the effective date of all changes and the cancellation of previous instructions. At the same time, the speed and accuracy of the manager’s work is important. Errors lead to vehicles being detained at customs, which causes irreparable losses to companies, leading to fines and even criminal liability. All this entails problems for business. Therefore, customs managers need to constantly learn and keep abreast of all innovations during their main work.

Features of the profession

The customs clearance process includes the following stages:

• determination of codes according to the Commodity Nomenclature of Foreign Economic Activity - commodity nomenclature of foreign economic activity;
• obtaining certificates of conformity;
• settlements for customs and other budget duties;
• preparation of documentation;
• registration of cargo declaration, customs value and its adjustment;
• registration of transport documents.

In accordance with this, the functions of a customs clearance specialist are as follows:

• registration of documents for cargo;
• checking the accuracy of information about goods in all documents - commercial and transport;
• determination of the country of origin of goods;
• declaration of goods;
• determination of the product code according to the Commodity Classification of Foreign Economic Activity;
• choosing a method for calculating customs value and calculating it;
• calculation of various customs duties and fees;
• determination of the types of taxes levied on a specific product and their calculation;
• proper application tax benefits and tariff preferences in each specific case;
• preparation of necessary reports.

Pros and cons of the profession

pros

Prestige and high status of the profession

The need for continuous learning and development

Minuses

High level of responsibility for the correctness of calculations, execution and deadlines

Constant tension and concentration

The need to keep many nuances in mind

Irregular working hours

Place of work

Dealer car centers; agencies for customs clearance of various cargoes.

Important qualities

• Analytical mind
• logical thinking
• communication skills
• concentration of attention
• observation
• ability to make quick decisions
• responsibility
• organization
• discipline
• constant desire to improve professional level

Professional skills

• ability to understand foreign trade contracts and tax returns;
• knowledge of legal and economic legislation, the desire to keep abreast of all changes and amendments.

Necessary higher education with a degree in Customs Affairs. Due to the fact that customs legislation is constantly updated, advanced training courses are provided for specialists in customs clearance of goods.

Salary

Salary as of 03/18/2019

Russia 20000—75000 ₽

Moscow 30000—100000 ₽

The remuneration of a specialist for customs clearance of cargo (vehicles) depends on length of service and work experience. For experienced professionals, the salary reaches 120 thousand rubles per month.

Career steps and prospects

Career growth is possible within the profession in categories from 1 to 2. The growth of professionalism and the development of connections allows you to solve customs problems in short time. Salary levels are rising accordingly. Further career growth is possible by moving to the client department to the position of manager or foreign trade specialist.

On the border

There were thirty-seven of us in the group. We occupied the entire carriage. The Belarus/Poland border was crossed at night.
For some reason, the customs officer chose me as the object of inspection. I asked the others to get out of the compartment and counted my eurokas, making sure that I had no more than I wrote in the declaration. Then he showed the contents of his suitcase.
Asked:
-You don’t have money anywhere else?
“No,” I say, “although, wait, I need to check the pocket of my windbreaker.”
- Is this your windbreaker? I don't think it can be there.
“It may well be,” I objected. It happens that I put my daily earnings there, then I forget about it, and I carry it in my pocket for weeks. No, it's empty here today.
She continues:
- Excuse me, this is my job, let's check this bag of yours.
I readily agreed:
- You have nothing to apologize for! You are acting in my interests! Let's check.
At these words of mine she seemed a little frightened:
- I am not acting in your interests!
Now I was surprised:
- Why not in mine?! I am a law-abiding person, and you act in the interests of the law! So it’s in my interests too!
Agreed:
- Ahhh... Well, in this sense, of course.
She quickly stopped checking and left.
Our conversation could be heard in the corridor.
My neighbor later told me:
- At least don’t mock them on the way back.
And I wasn’t mocking.

Miracle in the Holy Land.

Israeli border guards and passengers at Ben Gurion Airport witnessed a miracle when a paralyzed disabled person, delivered by ambulance from the plane to the border control, stood up and walked on his own after a short questioning.

According to the Walla portal, " ambulance" brought a couple from Georgia to the border control point, claiming to be an aunt and nephew. According to them, the aunt brought the nephew to urgent surgery at Sheba Hospital.

However, their behavior aroused the suspicion of the border guards, which strengthened after the check mobile phone“disabled person” showed that all data had been deleted from him, and when interviewed separately, “aunt” and “nephew” could not tell anything about each other.

In addition, they had a large amount of cash with them, but had not booked a hotel.

The suddenly recovered “nephew” and his “aunt” were detained until they were expelled from the country.

The beginning of the two thousandth. On business I’m going to Ostrava (eastern Czech Republic).
The route goes through Prague, with a transfer to a local flight.
The first bell rang when, after the plane, they seemed to be released into the general area of ​​the airport without customs and border guards; I was surprised, but what happens...
I found the right gate - on the first floor, in the far corner. The hall is dark, there is no one in it, and in front of him too.
Vague doubts began to creep in. Okay, three hours before departure. Let's wait...
Two hours - the picture is the same.
I go up to the boutique saleswoman, show my ticket, and explain in Russian-English-Czech that I would like to go to Ostrava. The girl nods her head, yeah, there you go, to that hall...
Okay, let's wait...
An hour before departure - no changes. Concern is growing, in our country they stop registration 40 minutes before departure, but here they didn’t start it an hour before!
I asked the SB officer if there was a terrible mistake in my actions, because of which, perhaps, the plane could be delayed?
The SB officer replies that, most likely, everything is in order, you just need to wait.
All. The plane, in theory, should already be on the runway and request takeoff, but the departure hall is closed, empty and dark!
I’m already wondering how in an unfamiliar country I’ll have to get to my destination on a crosswalk, when suddenly an aunt busily approaches the treasured doors, although she looks more like an uncle, opens it, and calls me to go to the reception desk.
A line of people wishing to become my traveling companions immediately materializes.
I hand my aunt the ticket and passport.
- Where is the paper?
Hey, what kind of paper??? There is an invitation, I’m showing it.
- Nyet, these are invitations, where is the piece of paper?
The bell is no longer a bell, but a bell: now they have turned it back, without the important document, they say, it’s impossible!!!
- what kind of paper is needed???
- boom! There were more hisses and a tilt of the head to the side - like, what a bad question, everyone everywhere has long known what a “paper machine” is.
That's it. I don’t have any more paper, go through the forest, now I’ll sit on the floor and demand the consul.
- There are no more papers, they probably didn’t give them.
Aunt immediately perked up and became cheerful:
- Aaah, they didn’t give it!! Prahadi! He puts a stamp and lets you into the hall.
I’m still guessing what kind of “paper” was needed)

Inspired by the story about “customs suffering”.
I had a case - at the research institute where I worked many years ago, small and relatively inexpensive (about 500 bucks) devices broke down, without which for certain studies - well, it’s simply impossible. The end of the 90s, there is no money at the research institute, literally at all. Moreover, the research institute cannot directly buy anything abroad. And for intermediaries, the price of the device is no longer 500 bucks, but 5000. Why should intermediaries fuss for a profit of less than 1000%...
Here I am going to the States.
At the conference, I met a man about 70 years old, a former department head at one of the major American universities, who - it so happened - all his life he used exactly the same devices that our research institute needed. This quickly became clear, and I told the man our sad story. He tells me - listen, I have three of these devices in my garage, I don’t need them anymore. I'll bring them to you tomorrow.
Brought it. Excellent devices, made about 15 years ago, but absolutely working, almost in the factory lubricant.
I quickly understand that all three of them will not fit into my suitcase, and even if they do fit, they will clearly attract attention at customs. I leave one in my suitcase, the other two, after agreement with our research institute, I send it to the research institute’s address by low-speed mail, with a declared value of $200 for 2 devices.
I fly home myself, give the device I brought in my suitcase to the employees - oohs, aahs, two new candidate's are planned in two weeks. The scientists are salivating over the expected 2 more instruments. After some time, the Russian Post delivers a piece of paper to the research institute, which says that they are eager to see representatives of the research institute at the regional customs office. The supply manager goes to customs and returns with square eyes. The customs calculated the institute a duty for 1 device of approximately 2 thousand dollars (the salary of a supply manager for almost a year in those days). They found an analogue according to the price list - 5 thousand dollars, 40% of this cost. It turned out to be just 2 thousand dollars - take it out and put it down. All our assurances that in the West it cost 500 bucks 15 years ago were not taken into account by customs.
The director cursed and (after three months of red tape) wrote a refusal of the devices in favor of the state.
I suspect that these devices (and there was a small electric pump in its composition) were eventually taken home by the son of the head of customs to pump air into the aquarium.
But at the research institute, we could write a couple of good candidate’s theses...
It’s good that I thought of bringing at least one device to my native research institute in a suitcase. Free.

Customs officers are in a stupor: they just can’t decide what to do with the sanctioned salt - burn it or crush it with a bulldozer?

At Russian customs. A customs officer with a purely Russian accent:
- Parle-vou français?
- NON!
- Sprechen si deutsch?
- Nein!
- Do you speak English?
- Yes!
- Badly…

The correspondent interviews a customs officer:
- Tell me, why did you decide to become a customs officer?
- You know, as a child I watched the film “White Sun of the Desert.” I was shocked by the image of the selfless customs officer Vereshchagin, devoted to the Motherland... And again, this plate of black caviar...

Continuing the story about the old man with garbage and cockroaches in a box at customs.
I flew from Ekaterinburg (Koltsovo) - Domodedovo - Heathrow for two days on a business trip to a conference.
The only items you have are hand luggage - a suit and a laptop (in a backpack bag).
On the way back, at the security check at Heathrow, I put the laptop on the tape. The officer with widened eyes asks: “What do you have in your bag?”
I start to worry, I answer “Nothing.”
And on the monitor screen they show me a picture of my bag with huge pliers.... a couple of days before, I climbed onto the roof of the house, setting up a satellite dish.
In the laptop there is a tuner and a program for tuning, I fixed the antenna with pliers and forgot to post it.
There were no questions either in Koltsovo or in Domodedovo... You never know why a person with a laptop needs pliers on a plane :) ... in the end, after my explanations, the British let me go, but asked not to take them out on the plane.

Yekaterinburg, post about postal customs: “Customs also catches pens, watches with video cameras, and coins in bags. Once they found dried orange peels. “We couldn’t understand why they were bought, but we didn’t let them into the country,” says the customs officer.”
All Russia in the last sentence...

You can't make it up on purpose. A friend told me about her friend. She was exporting glass figurines of Little Mermaids from Thailand. At customs, the Thais said that customs clearance of images of PEOPLE according to local laws would cost 20% more. After two hours of bickering, the parties came to the conclusion that the Little Mermaids are not people, but REPTILES, because their lower body is the tail.

A ban has been introduced on the territory of the Customs Union countries on the production, import and sale of lace panties, reports the Interfax agency.
Valery Koreshkov, Minister for Technical Regulation of the Eurasian Economic Commission, told reporters about this.
The ban was caused by the fact that these products do not comply with the technical regulations of the Customs Union.
“All the requirements are not new, they already existed. Colleagues had to import products according to them. And they pretended that they were new to them. So, we need to figure out how they imported products before,” Koreshkov said, answering a question from ITAR-TASS.
http://www.gazeta.ru/business/news/2014/02/14/n_5947897.shtml

Of course, you can no longer comment.
But still - two comments.
Firstly. Do those writing the technical regulations of the Customs Union have absolutely nothing else to do?
As I understand it, planes don’t crash, all the sausage is edible, medicine cures everything, the roads are being built beautifully, there’s nothing to say about cars. Russia, Kazakhstan, and Belarus have a problem - EXCLUSIVELY with lace panties?
So to speak, Rus' has endured everything, the Tatars, Napoleon, Hitler, Navalny, and the Olympics - but from lace panties not according to technical regulations, Russia will inevitably collapse, along with the entire Tamsoyuz.
Secondly. WHO exactly came up with the technical regulations to which now NOT A SINGLE PANTS, made in Russia or imported, comply?
Did he come up with the idea that there should be three holes for the legs? What should lace panties contain? mandatory cell phone pocket? That the material for sewing them should be exclusively tarpaulin? WHO?
"Take me, take me to him, I want to see this man..."
I won't do anything, I'll just look into your eyes...

I think I wrote this story once, but I can’t forget it, it was funny to me.
The St. Petersburg-Kaliningrad train, whoever traveled remembers the number of customs, in the compartment (this is important) I was with my husband and 2 other women. A customs officer enters, it’s night, we get up and hand over all the passports in a pile. Comrade Warrant Officer takes the top passport, glances at us, opens the passport and asks: “Which one of you is Viktor Maksimovich?”

In the 90s - "zeros" he worked on the intercity (as a truck driver). One of my regular routes was Kaliningrad-Istanbul, about once every month and a half, for several years. It looked like this: it left Kaliningrad empty, picked up cargo in Lithuania to Istanbul, and then through Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, Serbia and Bulgaria to Turkey. There I unloaded, took the return cargo to Kaliningrad, and home, without stopping in Lithuania. When there was a war in Serbia, we had to travel through Romania.
I was given money for travel expenses in two currencies, dollars for the Turks, and euros for the rest. Although all of the listed countries had (and seem to still have) their own national currencies, the euro was taken everywhere (except Turkey) willingly, they rarely refused, demanding local “tugriks”.
But change was still given out with what was in the cash register, i.e. local... And since there was nowhere to put these coins, over time a decent amount of them accumulated in various glove compartments and niches in the cabin.
Now, the actual story. Another flight, transition Russia-Lithuania. The food is empty, so the declaration is only for personal belongings. One of the points is the availability of currency. No question, I conscientiously indicate euros and dollars. The amounts are relatively small; a bank certificate is not required. Usually this was quite enough for customs officers. But this time the gloomy inspector asked me to show the money. Again, no big deal. I take out my wallet, take out the money, count it, everything adds up. Can I go? No! What else is this money in your wallet?
And in my wallet I had personal rubles. A completely ridiculous amount, something like 500 today. I’m trying to explain this to the customs officer, but he’s stubborn. Do you have money? We need to declare, rewrite!!!
In principle, this is a completely legal requirement, and this whole event would have taken me two or three minutes. But I didn’t like the tone in which they communicated with me.
And then, you probably already guessed. I collected litas, zlotys, crowns, forints, levs, dinars, lei and other liras throughout the cabin, carefully counted them and declared them.
The colleagues of that customs officer laughed out loud when I began to pull out this “gold sand” from all my pockets. By the way, he refused to count them...

I heard that you had trouble at customs?
- Yes, the customs dog sniffed me and suddenly, so scared, he began to whine and howl!
- Did you smell drugs?
- No, he barks at drugs, but I bought this at the station, and ate it in the carriage before the check - shawarma and two meat pies!

The very beginning of the nineties. Either the laws and orders are vague, or I have vague ideas about laws and orders, but I’m standing at the Surgut airport and feeling extremely uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable because I have $1,200 of American travel dollars in my small leather briefcase and because I have a particularly vague idea of ​​the current law on the availability and storage of currency. The money was given to me “just in case, it might come in handy at customs.” I was not given any certificate or other explanatory paper. Registration is completed, but the flight to Tyumen is again delayed due to weather and I go out for a smoke. The time is November, right before the holidays. It's cold and snowing. I’m wearing a raccoon fur coat and boots made of deer skin, not for the reason of being fashionable, but because I fly either to Usinsk or to Arkhangelsk. It means I stand out a little from the crowd. I’m standing there, thinking that I’ll get there late and probably won’t be able to have dinner at the hotel. Out of the corner of my eye I notice gray movement on the left. A man in a police uniform appears in front of me. A man in uniform looks at me appraisingly, abruptly says “let’s go,” and heads deeper into the airport building. Your heart sinks into your stomach and your saliva tastes like metal. “So, after all, you can’t have currency, now there will be a search, I’ll be arrested, I definitely won’t have dinner,” rushes through my head. My numb legs somehow move me in the space behind the man in uniform. The heart is back in place and beating a frantic rhythm. We go into the office. Posters, the smell of old paper and something mousey. "Have a seat." I plop down on a chair, frantically clutching the ill-fated briefcase. We are silent tensely. Suddenly the look of the man in uniform softens, becomes ingratiating, and he insinuatingly says: “We need your help.” I look at him dumbfounded. Wet palms, mouth is dry. “Where are you flying to?” “To Tyumen,” I wheeze. "Great. Landing will be soon. We conduct checks on hand baggage screening workers. I’ll give you the prohibited cargo and we’ll see if it’s found during inspection.” It sounded more like a soft order and it was impossible and better not to argue. I automatically nod my head. Thoughts that this could be a “set-up” arose much later. “That’s wonderful,” says the man in uniform, and with these words he takes cartridges from the desk drawer. Such a whole man's handful. I don't know what caliber or type of ammo it was. They were impressive and shone coldly. "Open your case." The cartridges are poured directly on top of the envelope with money. “Go for landing. Act normal." Boarding is announced really quickly. I just have time to run into the toilet and put the bag of money into my fur coat pocket. And so, in the order of the general queue, I put my personal belongings on the tape, pass through the frame and stand waiting for the furore. There is no furore, contrary to my expectations. My briefcase calmly floats on the tape through the box of the inspection apparatus, I take it off the tape and, behaving normally, sweating profusely, slowly walk into the storage area, where a crowd of citizens have already gathered, eager to fly away quickly. Not even five minutes have passed before a shiver of excitement runs through the hall - an angry man in uniform is walking, no, flying, accompanied by entourage. A raised commanding tone, a finger pointing at me. They lead me back to the machine belt and let my luggage through again. The workers look carefully at the picture and ask me to open the case. They triumphantly remove the cartridges from the case and give them to the man in uniform with whiny explanations. There was complete silence in the hall, people’s mouths silently outlined something between “o” and “a”. The man in uniform nods at me and disappears. There is empty space around me, mothers hugging their children, conversations in whispers. The flight attendant spent a long time persuading him on the plane overweight woman sit down in your place, which was next to mine. Yes, it was fun.

A truck with nesting dolls paralyzed Saratov customs for six months.

Today I spoke with my colleague from Korea. They still can’t understand how this is so: from Finland to Ukraine, cargo can be delivered by PLANE for 2 weeks??? You probably made a mistake, he says, not a couple of weeks, but a couple of days :-) When I finally explained the policy to him, he asked me: “what can be done to speed up the process and not pay 25% duty for the guaranteed cargo? " I consulted with my colleagues, and we all came to the conclusion that there is only one way - to change the government. That’s what I wrote to this Korean. He thought for a long time and wrote that it was difficult for him to understand me. Then he says that I probably mean that you need to follow the established order. Apparently, I also consulted with my colleagues in the office. But I wasn’t joking at all.

A friend came from Germany. Lots of impressions. Among other things, commercial information, in the form of a T-34 tank for sale. Since the tank was partially dismantled and at the price of scrap metal, I was interested in it. The delivery issue was resolved easily. The only problem is the border. My approximate dialogue with the declarant during consultations.
D - A license from the Russian Ministry of Defense is required since it is military equipment.
Me - But the tank is Russian, which means it’s a re-export.
D -Then you must provide a document confirming the payment of customs duties when in 1944. the tank crossed the border under its own power.
...I had to abandon the idea.

A friend told me that every year she comes from Germany to her homeland in Belarus for the summer. Belarusian customs at entry, customs officers suspecting everyone of smuggling and the desire to undermine stability with a blue-eyed extra bottle of imported beer. The turn reaches a boy of about four years old, the customs officer habitually asks the next terrorist candidate: weapons, drugs, alcohol? The boy thinks for a second and says: there is a gun, then he thinks for a couple more seconds and adds - and a tank.

Copied from one Facebook, there is something to laugh at:

Today we got around to finishing writing about our motor rally Moscow - Bulgaria. The previous 3 parts are already far down in the feed, but friends, and especially dad, simply demanded the 4th.

The actual key episode is the crossing of the Romanian border; it really deserves a separate description in a literary style...

The July heat was slightly softened by the coolness that the wind picked up from the Danube. The great European river Danube. How many peoples have crossed this river in search of their land since the Great Migration. Scythians, Huns, Volga Bulgars, Hungarians, Serbs, Germans, Croats, Gagauz, Ottomans... It was my turn to cross this river in search of my happiness.

I am moving from my home in Moscow to my home in Bulgaria. I'm going for the second day. Behind me is Russia, Little Russia, which is now Ukraine, Odessa, which is never Ukraine, Transnistria, Bessarabia, Moldova, and here I am standing on the bridge over the Prut River at its confluence with the Danube, between the passed Moldovan border post and the yet to be passed Romanian one .

Children sleep soundly in the hot Peugeot 4007. They always sleep when they go on a long trip with dad; they’ve been accustomed to this since nursery, one might say. On the right, my wife is lounging, her feet are out the window, there is chewing gum in her mouth, sunglasses. Equanimity itself.

In front of me is the barrier of the Romanian border, above which there is a huge sign of the European Union. The yellow stars formed a solar circle on a blue background and seemed to say to you: “Welcome to civilization, my dear friend, tired of these terrible Russias, Ukraines, Belaruss and Moldova.” Anti-corruption posters are posted everywhere at customs, aimed at demonstrating the absence of bribes in the Eurozone. In one, a dirty, hairy hand hands out a wad of money to a European customs officer, who makes a “No!” face, like a Soviet anti-alcoholism poster, and reaches for handcuffs. On another poster there are rules for crossing customs, and a smiling Romanian border guard in the foreground feigns confidence that he will strictly follow the rules, and only the rules, throwing into prison bribe-takers who seek to break the rules (in the background of the poster, scumbag bribe-takers of Slavic appearance languish behind bars).

There was a feeling that I had finally reached the lands of Civilization, and would no longer deal with characters like Ukrainian traffic cops and evil Moldavian customs furies (see previous parts of the story in my FB feed).

Oh, if only I knew, looking ahead, HOW WRONG all this is!!!

The barrier is raised and with an inspired feeling I enter the customs office of the European Union. Hello comrades! Here's my Schengen! These are my children and wife, they are with me, this is their Schengen!

The Romanian examines me with some cunning gypsy look with a squint I don’t understand, takes my passports and other documents, and goes to his customs booth. Returns in 10 minutes. I hold out my hand for the passports, confident that the stamps have been affixed and I can move on. After all, everything is in order with all my documents.

However, holding out the passports, which I had almost touched, the Romanian suddenly withdraws his hand, as if teasing me, instantly hides all our documents in his pocket and:

You have tinted windows, entry is prohibited!

We do have tinted rear windows, but it's factory tinted. I STILL think that this is some kind of misunderstanding and I inform the Romanian customs officer that the tinting is factory, the car is French, i.e. manufactured in the European Union according to its standards and requirements.

The Romanian somehow strangely, half-approvingly, shakes his head and tells me that:

Y'all don't have health insurance!!

This is starting to annoy me a little. How come not? Here they are, he has all the insurance for all family members! Didn’t he look at the documents I provided him?! Nevertheless, I calmly show him where the insurance is on the documents.

You do not have European GreenCard car insurance!

It's not funny anymore. Obviously, the Romanian did not look at my documents at all. What does he want? Unclear. I have a green card for the car, specially purchased in Moscow. I show it to the Romanian.

You don't have a fire extinguisher or first aid kit!!

A feeling of anger breaks through me; I already want to talk to this bastard in a completely non-European way. The point is not that there is a fire extinguisher and a first aid kit. The fact is that when the Romanian uttered this phrase, he smiled like the last scoundrel, looking at the trunk of my car filled to the ceiling with things transported from Moscow to Bulgaria. I will say this, on the way I was guided only by the side mirrors, since it was useless to do this by the central rear-view mirror, since the trunk was full, don’t play around with it.

For now, I calmly explain to the Romanian that there is a fire extinguisher and a first aid kit, but in order to show them, I have to lay out all the carefully folded things from the trunk onto the asphalt, which is unacceptable for me.

You don't have a fire extinguisher and a first aid kit, put your things out, travel is prohibited!!

Oh you Romanian bitch! Okay, I’ll lay things out if that’s what you want. What a bastard! He sees that I have children and a wife in the car, but no, he still mocks me. Well, okay, now you will have both a first aid kit and a fire extinguisher, to kill your mother.

I lay out all the things from the trunk on the asphalt and show the Romanian. The Euro-cordon guard nods his head with satisfaction and makes a casual sign for me to pack my things back into the trunk.

I put everything I carry with me back. The process takes a lot of time, I’ve been stuck at Romanian customs for an hour already.

As soon as I pack the last thing and forcefully slam the trunk lid, compacting the pile of everything transported, packed for the second time in two days, I hear a murderous thing behind me:

You don't have a triangle!!

I began to seethe. I explain to him in a mixture of obscene Russian, English and active gestures that the triangle was in the same place as the first aid kit with a fire extinguisher, and to prove the presence of it road sign in the car, I will have to repeat the torture called “unload-unload the car” for the third time in two days.

The Romanian's face is impenetrable. There are no emotions, only some kind of devil in the eyes, and the corners of the lips twitch in a mocking grin.

You don't have a triangle!! Traveling to the European Union without a triangle is prohibited!! – the Romanian shouts.

While shouting, all he had to do was raise his hand in his fascist impulse and shout “foyer”, giving the command to shoot me and the car for the lack of a triangle from all the guns at the customs checkpoint.

If he had done this, then it is clear that I would have nothing to answer, because the Romanian customs officers had small arms, and my answer would have been extremely disproportionate, and with the opposite sign. Although I already had a slightly rotten banana, which was never eaten by the Moldovan customs officers (see previous episodes of the motor rally), throwing a banana at the Romanian bastard would have been, let’s say, spectacular, but not effective.

But I have a triangle! I'm calm... I repeat, calmly, but all white with anger, I unload the luggage again, again spend half an hour on it, and show this bastard a triangle.

And again, our valiant Romanian customs officer nods his head with satisfaction and with a casual sign indicates that I should pack my things back into the trunk. Ha! Haha!! You can't fool me this time, you gypsy. I slowly shake my head and finger, showing with all my appearance: “No! Tell me please, dear, what else don’t I have?”

And then, which was a complete surprise to me, the Romanian makes a solemn face and, bulging his eyes with pleasure, says:

You don't have a yellow vest!!

What kind of vest is this, your mother?!! It is slowly dawning on me that apparently we are talking about those reflective vests that people wear at night on the highway, if, for example, they get out of the car to change a tire...

So the thing is that before the trip, Olesya and I very carefully studied the list of everything that should be with us when entering the European Union in our car, and the vest was not on this list! Did not have!! Therefore, I really don’t have a yellow vest with me.

I explain all this to the Romanian, who grins meanly and says with an even more solemn expression:

Go back to Moldova, to the store, buy a Yellow Vest there, and only after that go to the European Union.

After which the Romanian turns around and hides in his booth, taking with him all our documents and passports.

I'm standing completely numb. The prospects are absolutely not clear to me, given the location on the bridge over the Prut and Danube rivers between Moldova and Romania, the lack of roaming, the presence of children and wife, and the documents seized by the Romanian. How can I fight for my rights in this European Union? And then it finally gets to me. DO-HO-DIT.

And I am doing our absolute, dear, Russian act, with which we could start, and not waste two hours at the Romanian customs in the name of the glorious anti-corruption European Union.

I put twenty euros in the far corner of the trunk.

Hey man, I found a vest! Here she is!! – and point a finger at the trunk.

A Romanian customs officer emerges from his booth and looks at me carefully, picking his nose with one hand and playing with our passports with the other.

Slowly approaches. Looks around. Is there no one? Stuffs his torso into the trunk.

Where's the vest?

There she is, there she is, man, there, look!!

The Romanian smiles condescendingly, but does not stick his body out of the trunk. He beckons me with a gesture, like stick your body here too. I'm sticking it in. From the outside it looks something like this - two asses with passports sticking out of the trunk, behind which you can’t see or hear absolutely anything that’s happening inside. Nearby lies a bunch of rubbish that was previously removed from there, a first aid kit, a fire extinguisher and a triangle. In the trunk, a dialogue takes place between the bodies from these asses. The Romanian points to 20 euro with one hand, and on the other hand shows me two fingers and says:

Your “vest” is size two,” then shows four fingers and continues, “But the “vest” needs to be size four!”

Got it, I’m increasing the size of the “vest” to size four! – I take out another twenty euros and put them next to the previous ones. I light it with a lighter. The Romanian greedily grabs 40 euros, crumples them up and quickly, with a serious face, hides them in his jacket.

Now your vest is in order, you can drive through! - and the Romanian gives me all the documents and our passports, in which, it turns out, all the stamps had already been affixed a long time ago, and this brute was simply extorting money all these two hours.

The Romanian himself quickly, without a drop of shame, hides in his booth and raises the barrier at the exit from customs, at the entrance to the European Union.

I load the trunk no less quickly and press on the gas faster, just to leave customs as quickly as possible, before they tell me something else that I don’t have.

Driving into Europe, I glanced briefly at a poster of a dirty, hairy hand holding out a wad of money to a European customs officer, who makes a “No!” face, like a Soviet anti-alcoholism poster, and reaches for handcuffs.

Hello Europe! These rules, unfortunately, are very familiar to us, and you can’t even imagine what will happen if you really want to play with them with us...