Ways to deal with fear and uncertainty. How to overcome your fears? How to overcome your inner fears

Before a public speaking event or before a date with the girl of your dreams? The concept of fear is familiar to every person. It is an integral part of life, it is one of the basic natural reactions. From birth to death, a person is filled with fears, and the quality of life is determined by how quickly and how successfully he fights them. How to get rid of fear?

You can turn to a specialist for help, because sometimes problems are much deeper and more multi-layered than they seem at first glance. But in most situations it will be possible to do this without the help of psychologists. They suggest how you can get rid of phobias on your own, and these methods really work. Universal remedy out of fear does not exist. But there are a number of techniques that can effectively solve the problem.

Where does fear come from?

Surely you have noticed that young children do not experience fear, as teenagers and adults do. They are the lucky ones, but why? Getting rid of common fears is irrelevant for them due to the lack of them. This is due to the fact that this reaction occurs under the influence environment. It is she who forms the attitude towards certain objects, events, situations. After a child first falls out of the crib and experiences pain, he acquires the first reaction to experience pain again.

With every day of growing up and socialization, more and more such situations accumulate, the collection of reactions grows, fears are formed, united, merged. One is born from the other, becomes stronger or weaker. Children do not know how to deal with phobias, and the latter spill over into adulthood. There is no absolutely successful person in everything and always; some failures and fatal coincidences are present in everyone’s life. After a bad public speaking experience, some people never step up to the microphone again to avoid experiencing those emotions again. Fear is born, how to deal with it, how to overcome it?

What to do? To live well and happily, you need to get rid of anxiety and worries. This will improve your quality of life and gain confidence. What is needed for this? How to overcome fear? Exist various techniques struggle, they are used by millions of people, overcoming the most difficult situations. It is necessary to consider several of the most common and universal ones. It is important to understand that to achieve results you need not only to know about the technique, but also to want to remove the fear and anxiety that prevent you from living better. Want and do. Cope with the feeling that prevents you from living and stop worrying.

Fear is a reaction to the world around us

How to get rid of bad thoughts? First you need to analyze and realize that you have feelings of anxiety and fear. No matter how trivial it may sound, recognizing a problem often takes no less time than solving it. Instill in yourself the ability to act contrary. Awareness and analysis of the problem will allow you to take a broader view. Fear can be small, big, strong, weak. But as long as it is there and growing in your body, you will not be able to move on. Find the reason and analyze where everything came from and after what events it appeared. Convince yourself that it is just a reaction and you can control it. This is the first and main remedy for fear - awareness of the problem.

No need to focus on age. You can work on yourself at any time; it’s never too late to change your life for the better. How to overcome fear if you are no longer young? Over the years, it becomes more and more difficult to overcome fears, since a certain picture of the environment, a worldview, is formed, and going beyond its limits is not only uncomfortable, but also scary. People are not born successful, they become them. The costs of education also play an important role in the development of personality. For a child's fragile mind, minor situations can grow into big fears in the future.

How to get rid of fear from childhood? If you clearly understand that you are afraid, for example, of riding in an elevator, because as a child you were stuck in it and sat in the dark for half a day, then you can overcome the fear yourself through an effort of will. Say out loud: “Yes, it’s scary now, but this feeling exists only in my head, I can and I know how to overcome it.” Do it quickly, get into the elevator, without giving your consciousness the opportunity to trap you, shrouding you in a veil of fear. The longer you wait, the more tension builds. Don't let your imagination run wild, as it is more difficult to get rid of fears and anxieties by standing face to face with them for too long.

Imagine your fear as high wall which blocks the path to happiness. You can't see what's behind this wall. You just need to go through it. Fear is a wall, an illusion, it doesn’t really exist, it’s only in your head. Just open the door and go through the wall. Accept, respect fear and overcome, passing through it like through a foggy wall. The method is acceptance, not denial. There is no need to fight and reject it in yourself, you need to recognize it as part of consciousness, because fear can only be overcome in this way. Act without letting your brain come to its senses. Whenever you find yourself in a scary situation, just walk through that door.

Fight fear like a samurai

How to manage fear, and is it possible? Logic is your best weapon in such a fight. Take your imagination to your side, make it your ally. Let it show the worst-case scenario for the situation. You are afraid to ride in an elevator because you might get stuck, like you did when you were a child. How to overcome fear? Standing in front of the door, imagine that you are already inside and really stuck. It’s dark, you’re hanging between the fifth and sixth floors, and there’s no way to get out on your own, your phone can’t pick up the network, no one will come to help, and you won’t be discovered until the morning. You can hardly breathe from excitement. A bleak picture? Experience this feeling as if it were real. Open your eyes. You just went through a nightmare and survived. Now you know what you will experience in the worst case scenario and survive. It's not so scary anymore, is it? Most often, people are scared by the unknown. What happens as soon as the elevator slams behind you? How will the rescuers work? How quickly do they arrive to help? Try to find the answers, use logic. She will tell you how you can get rid of the feeling of fear.

You need to imagine a situation in which a man is going to propose marriage to the woman of his dreams. He is afraid that she will refuse, and these phobias in adults cloud the mind. In this situation, the samurai method will help. You need to concentrate and imagine that day X has arrived: so you take the ring out of your pocket and get down on one knee, saying the cherished words. The girl refuses. What happens after this? Will the world collapse? No. Getting rid of fears comes through awareness. You will suffer, but over time the pain will subside and everything will return to normal. You will realize that the person next to you was not the same. You will be glad that you did not live months and years next to someone who is not your match. You will open the way for new relationships.

Overcoming fear is not always useful or necessary. After all, this natural reaction, including part of the instinct of self-preservation. It is always important to turn on your head and analyze the situation, since removing fear while standing on the edge of an abyss is fatal. You need to imagine that for the first time in your life you came to the skating rink and started skating. People confidently rush around at high speed, they maneuver easily and confidently stay in the general flow. You are scared, because, having found yourself in such a whirlpool of people, you will have to move in the same rhythm and at the same speed. The brain tells you that it is better to stay at the side and learn basic movements. And in this moment He's right. Distinguish the instinct of self-preservation from phobias and know when taming fear will be beneficial and not harmful.

Evaluate anxiety from a logical perspective, discarding emotions. Sometimes it's okay to be afraid.

Determination is the enemy of fear

No one succeeds in not being afraid of anything. The most successful people worked on their consciousness to achieve heights. How to lose fear to live better? Leave it outside your boat happy life. By being a determined person, you can defeat him. Tune in to solve the problem, plan, think through a plan within yourself. Dealing with fear will be your decision. Fill your mind not with uncontrolled emotions, but with a specific plan for victory. The feeling of fear and anxiety is friends with emptiness and uncertainty, this is his best friends. Fill the air with the words: here is the plan for victory, the decision has been made and cannot be changed. There is no turning back, because you have agreed with your consciousness. Self-esteem is an important thing.

How to stop being afraid? Don't let your emotions take over, don't overthink it. Images of failure and failure can be terrifying. Remember: the eyes are afraid, but the hands do. Be a purposeful person. Even if it doesn't work out, you will keep your word to yourself. What pride there will be in a kept promise! And if you manage to overcome fear, then it will double. Think positively, look for positive moments even in the fight against anxieties and phobias. Victory over fear will open up new horizons. To fight phobias and fears on your own, you need to bring out your inner hero. Realize, decide that you need it. How to learn? Predict the success that will happen when you achieve your goal. Remember to praise your own determination and strength.

Treating phobias and fears on your own is possible for everyone, the main thing is to find a suitable method.

Become a psychologist

You can learn not to be afraid of anything! Knowing you have fear is half the battle. Realizing and accepting it means taking a big step towards success. Psychologists know how to treat phobias and share information that you can use yourself for your work. Preparation begins with analysis. Key issues to be disclosed:

• why is it scary?
• what exactly is scary;
• we need to continue to be afraid of this;
• worry is rational;
• whether I am afraid of the action or the consequences.

Write down your arguments on paper and hang them in a visible place. Think about it and add to it as needed. Once you break fear down into molecules, it will become understandable to you. And people are less afraid of clear things than unknown ones. Fear will become an old acquaintance for you, you will switch to “you”. How to stop being afraid of cars? Explore this complex mechanism, get under the hood, talk to the mechanic, find out everything about this iron monster. Taming the feeling of fear starts small. How not to be afraid of the dark? Study it. Walk around the room at night.

The problem of overcoming fear is solved with the help of visualization. Spend several sessions imagining in detail what you would do in a scary situation. So you enter the entrance and head to the elevator, you press the call button, you are calm and confident. Doors open, you step firmly inside, etc. The more details in your visualization, the better. Your consciousness will accept this option scenario, and all that remains is to implement it. Self-hypnosis in this case will work like hypnosis. This is a very powerful thing, it is practiced with success for the most complex phobias. The main rule is regularity of visualization. Schedule sessions with consciousness. How to stop being afraid with the help of such sessions? The amount depends on the circumstances, but often 5-8 times are enough. How to remove fear forever? Reinforce your success several times.

Knightly courage in the fight against fear

If you are afraid of spiders, then the object is a reflex in your head. As soon as your eyes see a spider, an impulse is sent to your brain and you are terribly scared. Although the spider itself is not dangerous and does not pose a threat to life. How to stop being afraid, for example, of spiders? The task is to overcome fear so that it does not become an obstacle to a happy life. You need to win intellectually and start thinking clearly and clearly. Practice being brave.

What is the fastest way to get rid of fear? This works well in an emergency. Imagine yourself saving small child from a spider. Could you do this for someone else? Probably yes. So why not do it for yourself? Become your own brave knight. Taming fear is like taming a dragon.

Self-confidence can be trained. All successful speakers started with small speeches while practicing. In the case of fear, you can train yourself to be courageous. Win gradually, start small and go big. Approach the elevator and watch it go up and down. Watch people come and go. Do you see that there is no reason to be afraid? Treating fear is not a quick process. Work at your own pace, don't look at others. For some, just reading a book on the topic of overcoming helps, while for others it takes months or years. It's individual. The main thing is the result. If you have found how to get rid of a phobia on your own, work hard and everything will work out sooner or later.

All current speakers know how to cope with the fear of public speaking. Are there natural talents who can win over a crowd of a thousand people the first time? Yes, but these are just a few. And hundreds of people perform every day. In case of public speaking An example of working on yourself is much more illustrative. How to get rid of anxiety about giving a speech? Start fighting fear by putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Call a few people and give a speech around the table. Be brave. If you take a book about success stories famous person, be surprised at what he was faced with at first. Everyone is afraid.

Take the experience of the best and apply it to your story. This method works well with social phobias. Some are afraid to talk on the phone because they don’t see the person, some cannot address a stranger on the street, while others refuse to go to interviews to strangers. How to stop being afraid of all this? The problem is only in the head. Be brave, step out of your comfort zone, make fear control a habit! Start small, make eye contact with strangers on the street, smile at your child, say hello to the waiter before you order.

How to get rid of fear and anxiety gradually? The technique of breaking it down into components and working on each part separately works well. You can try the following script:

• there is a lot of fear, how to get rid of it is not yet clear;
• break it into 3 small components, divide into blocks;
• practice how to conquer fear in each of the three parts;
• go from anxiety and fear to victory.

There is no need to give up if things don’t work out right away. Avoid negative opinions of others. Overcoming fears requires concentration and sometimes takes a long time. But this is an investment that will pay off handsomely. Try it different techniques, come up with your own ways to overcome fear, test. Even if it takes a year to get into the damn elevator, you'll get it for the rest of your life. great way moving up the floors. Before you fight your fear, evaluate positive effect from overcoming, understand the value. This will be an additional incentive.

Supporting practices

How to control fear or defeat it completely and irrevocably? Self-confidence helps in the fight against severe anxiety. Start by recognizing your strengths, praise yourself daily. Cultivate strength, and then taming fear will go like clockwork. You've probably noticed that people with unreasonably high self-esteem achieve more. They are simply less afraid, since the awareness of their own coolness does not allow them to succumb to phobias too often. They do not depend on other people's opinions. Why are you worse? Try to build self-confidence and keep your anxiety under control.

Here are some ways to work with fears through auxiliary practices:

• praise yourself for completing difficult tasks;
• praise your virtue;
• act honestly and correctly;
• help others, get praise.

The listed simple practices will not require much effort, but with a cumulative effect they will help heal fear and give an incredible result, it will be quite stable and will feed constantly. Strength and confidence are formed within. She will tell you how to cure your phobia. How to overcome fear? Try to fill your life positive emotions, is a creative force that helps you achieve your goals. Psychology allows you to model life.

How to get rid of phobias and fears on your own if none of the above helps? Another technique for dealing with fear involves auxiliary emotions. Faith helps a lot (for example, higher power), love (for the sake of those they love, people are ready to do great deeds), virtue (for the sake of saving lives, people immediately cross the threshold of phobia).

When choosing a way to treat fear, do not be afraid to try more and more new methods until you achieve results. However, if you have severe anxiety and fear that interferes with your life, treatment can be carried out with the involvement of specialists. For each person it will be possible to choose an individual course that works with both children’s problems and post-traumatic syndrome. Doctors know how to get rid of them in difficult cases.

How to get rid of fear? How to overcome self-doubt? These questions are relevant in different periods life for most people. They say that courage is not the one who is not afraid, but the one who is able to act despite fear. In this article I list ten simple but extremely effective methods, which can help everyone overcome fear and gain confidence in their own abilities.

First method overcoming fear and self-doubt are “gradual loads.” The essence of the method is to act gradually. If, for example, a person is afraid of heights and cannot even think about air travel, it is absolutely not necessary to start with exactly what is scary to do. To begin with, any minimal step will do - say, go up to the fifth floor, go to the windowsill, make sure that everything is in order and carefully look outside the window. Regarding a personal situation, this can be anything at all - any movement that at least slightly takes you beyond the usual comfort zone towards a goal. For example, if a person is afraid of dating, then complimenting anyone of the opposite sex can be the first step, and inviting a specific favorite on a date can be the tenth step. You will be surprised how easy it is to take the tenth step after the ninth, and the ninth after the eighth. "Gradual loads" allow you to walk along the easy way to heavy loads. Gradually, you begin to easily overcome fears and self-doubt in aspects of life that once seemed insurmountable.

Second method overcoming fear and self-doubt is “devaluation.” The fact is that we experience fear and self-doubt precisely in those aspects of life that are overloaded with excessive significance in our heads - in other words, we worry about what we consider important. And, on the contrary, the simpler the attitude towards these aspects, the less worries. For example, an insecure sales manager may worry that an advertising banner for a certain amount will hit the client’s pocket, and he will reproach the manager for impudence. With this approach, it is simply unrealistic to engage in sales. And in order for the situation to be resolved, you should not attach importance to money. A self-confident person will easily, as if for granted, receive a decent payment for the same service simply because this is normal - there is nothing outstanding in this that should be given at least some importance. Overcoming fear and uncertainty in social affairs comes down to devaluing these matters, to the fact that we begin to relate to these matters more simply - without neurotically attaching excessive importance to what is happening.

Third method overcoming fears and self-doubt are “spontaneous actions.” When, for example, in a work environment a speech or some specific phrases are planned for an upcoming meeting, it is at this time that the situation is “recharged” with excess meaning. And as was already said above, the higher the significance, the more actively we replay the upcoming situation in our heads, which in turn increases the fear of making mistakes and rocks self-doubt. Planning is important in business, but when the plan becomes a broken record of mental jumble that plays over and over again in the head, then excitement and unnaturalness in actions are simply inevitable. When there is a plan that satisfies, it’s time to turn off the mind and move on to action. If during a future conversation you want to express specific thoughts, it is quite enough to remember them or write them down without formalizing them into a planned speech. Then, based on the situation, these thoughts can be spontaneously voiced in a natural rhythm. This is how they will sound most confident. To get rid of fear and overcome uncertainty, spontaneous actions are sometimes the only way out. When you decide, you just need to do it, not paying attention to the “convulsions” of the mind. During conscious spontaneous actions, we focus on what is being done, and not on how “scary” it is. As they say: “the eyes are afraid, but the hands do.”

Fourth method overcoming fears and self-doubt - “a living example of a courageous act.” Almost magically, personal fears dissolve when we see how an experienced, confident person acts in a situation that causes our anxiety. Such an example, with its clarity, can destroy the internal barrier that prompted one to feel fear and self-doubt in similar circumstances. We simply see in practice that in this situation you can act without fear - easily and confidently. Any complexes are completely groundless and inappropriate. Sometimes people choose difficult paths of gradual career growth - step by step, year after year. And then suddenly they see how next to them an uneducated “upstart” overtakes them in a short period of time simply because he acts confidently, does not attach excessive importance to the local hierarchy and turns out to be closest to the general “feeding trough”. Such a (living) example can outrage, and can also teach a lot.

Fifth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “relaxation.” This method can be called physiological, because through relaxation of the body, we influence the state of mind. The more agitated and disturbed the mind and feelings are, the more strongly it manifests itself. internal tension. The states of the body and mind are interconnected. If the mind is tense, the body becomes tense. Conversely, by relaxing the body, we relax and calm the mind. A similar trick works when we calm our breathing. Best option– this is not relaxation of an already tense body, but maintaining the initial relaxation without unnecessary tension. You can read more about relaxation in the article “Stress Relief.”

Sixth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “understanding.” In fact, we are afraid to act when we are not completely sure that we need it. Somewhere inside, all the pros and cons are being weighed, but the mind cannot make a final decision and continues to hesitate. It is important to understand what you really want. When you want to invite a person on a date, but fear and self-doubt set in, you need to analyze what’s so terrible that could happen. Refusal in itself is not terrible, it normal phenomenon. We are afraid to show ourselves in an unsightly light. It is the fear of humiliation that outweighs the original intention. How stronger fear, the more clumsy the behavior becomes. Sometimes the “inviter,” without fully understanding why he feels fear and uncertainty, is actually afraid of disappointing his partner, or unconsciously anticipates possible problems as the relationship develops. In this case, even if there are doubts, you just need to decide: either “yes” or “no”. And if “yes,” then we return to confident spontaneous actions. If “no”, then there is nothing to regret. The main thing is that the decision is balanced and conscious.

Seventh method overcoming fears and self-doubt – “awareness”. This method is one of the most effective. Otherwise, awareness can be called knowledge, or professionalism. For example, when applying for a job, being new to the business, it is quite normal to feel insecure, because it is not known in advance whether you will be able to cope with the assigned tasks. In this vein, work turns into a continuous continuous exam, resulting in long-term stress. But a professional who knows the topic has nothing to fear. He has self-confidence based on experience. Therefore, training often becomes the best medicine from self-doubt. Ancient people were afraid of natural phenomena because they did not even know approximately what lightning was - heavenly punishment, or an untargeted electric charge in the atmosphere. The “awareness” method is somewhat similar to the sixth method “understanding”. The difference is that for the “understanding” method it is not necessary to have complete “professional” knowledge of the situation. It is quite enough to simply make a choice and follow it. But “awareness”, as a rule, leads to spontaneous decision-making based on knowledge.

Eighth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “friendliness.” This method is not suitable for every situation, but sometimes it is irreplaceable. Sometimes we tend to feel fear, anxiety and self-doubt when communicating with some big boss, or another person significant to us. Such fear can be completely overcome with a simple friendly attitude. When we are friendly and polite (even when we are not in control of the situation), the “truth” remains on our side and there is nothing to worry about. And if an outsider takes advantage of our ignorance in order to rise due to this, this only speaks of his personal complexes. Psychologically, the one who maintains harmony is right.

Ninth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “self-knowledge.” All our self-doubt is a consequence of ignorance regarding our own person, and that is the only reason why our self-identification is so tightly tied to public approval. If someone likes you, you feel encouraged and your self-confidence grows. And if they criticize, confidence decreases. All this happens as if we do not know ourselves at all, and we receive information about our person exclusively from others. It is important to remember that understanding others is also subjective. Most people are not even able to understand themselves, let alone give a sober assessment of our actions. To know yourself means to accept yourself as you are. When you are not ashamed to be yourself, then you can live and act without fear. When we act knowing ourselves, we simply show our guts as they are. Of course, everything has its time and place. The topic of self-knowledge is one of the main ones on progressman.ru.

Tenth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is an analysis of one’s own personality. In fact, all our fears are based on deep, maladaptive beliefs about ourselves and life. Each problem state is a consequence of one’s own thinking. Sober analysis helps to identify illusions. However, independent discovery of a personal problem is made difficult precisely by the fact that the problem itself deprives of clarity and understanding precisely in those personal areas where these qualities are most in demand. In such a situation, it is productive to get an unclouded third-party look at your own life (this is how I unobtrusively advertise my online consultations).

It is important to remember that by revealing another fear, we open up an additional opportunity for ourselves to become stronger. We shouldn’t justify ourselves when someone supports our fears and feels sorry for us. All these are temptations that make us weak and weak-willed. Overcoming fears and self-doubt does not mean committing rash, life-threatening actions. Meeting your fears means growing, learning, becoming stronger and wiser.

Once upon a time there lived an old gloomy animal in a swamp behind the forest. And somehow, either by pure chance, or out of terrible boredom, he started a conversation with a small vagrant bird, who told the gloomy animal that somewhere on the other side of the forest there was a magical garden where fabulous fruits grew, which some the animals are transformed. The gloomy animal listened to the bird, his mouth open in surprise, and suddenly something in his head moved in an unusual way. The bird flew away, and the animal was left alone again. But something has changed. Against the backdrop of the routine of everyday drudgery, anxiety began to grow in the soul of the gloomy beast. The beast began to dream about how he would leave his usual swamp and go in search of a magical garden. Another hundred or two hundred years passed like this. The everyday drudgery comfortably enveloped him, but anxiety still did not leave his soul. Sometimes the beast had nightmares in which he left the familiar swamp. He woke up in a cold sweat, realizing with relief that he was still there, in his old, familiar swamp. But over time, after another three or four hundred years, the gloomy beast finally realized that in this swamp of his, everything was already so familiar and familiar that there was no point in staying here any longer. He realized that he would not know what awaited him beyond the edge of the forest until he got out of the quagmire. At first, for the first two weeks, he stuck out two paws and his muzzle to the surface. Then, making sure that nothing bad was happening to him, he got out of the swamp and began his journey, which was full of adventures, dangers, excitement, joys and new impressions. And this continued until the gloomy beast suddenly discovered that he had been moving through the magical garden for a long time, and that he was no longer gloomy at all, but bold and joyful. He discovered that during this time he had grown golden wings, and his body had become strong and hardened. He never regretted that he got out of his usual swamp to find a magical garden.

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All people are afraid of something, without wanting to experience fear. And their reluctance is quite natural, because this emotion paralyzes, depriving them of the ability to take decisive action. Therefore, everyone runs away from their own fears, preferring to pretend that they do not exist at all, everyone hides their vulnerability, flaunting a proud, calm and courageous face. In other words, everyone has considerable accumulations of repressed fear. Let's look at this situation in more detail.

The Chinese and Koreans consider fear to be a manifestation of cold energy at the level of the body of emotions. There is some truth in this, since people with excess fear, who have suppressed it for many years, do not tolerate the cold well and freeze even when everyone else feels comfortable. Their feet and hands are always cold, and they can withstand any heat almost without difficulty. All this indicates that, suppressing fear, in your physical body they have accumulated too much cold energy.

Energy cannot stand still, it must flow. If we ourselves do not block its flow, then it passes like a wave, perhaps causing inconvenience, but not causing harm. If we, maintaining a bold and strong-willed image, prevent this wave from passing, we redirect it to the muscles of the body. The force of suppressed fear will create tension in the body (lower abdomen, heart area) and will begin to accumulate in the unconscious part of our being, increasing tension. By holding back fear every day, a person acquires the illusion that there is almost no fear, but in fact, he is constantly accumulating it. In this case, a person’s unconsciousness increases, and sensitivity decreases. Reluctance to face one’s fears leads to the fact that a person’s existence looks like a series of psycho-emotional states replacing each other, and this person himself cannot understand either the reasons for their occurrence or the connections between them. The more fear accumulated, the more unconscious he becomes, and this begins to affect his entire existence: for example, the very first reaction to any message or situation will be fear. It can be expressed through the body, for example, by goosebumps, emotionally as a form of fear ranging from uncertainty to horror, or at the mental level by thoughts like: “What to do now?” or: “What will happen to us?” This reaction may last a split second, after which the mind will establish its usual control and pacify it, but it cannot hide from an attentive observer.

Suppressing fear is like sowing seeds in the ground. If, due to inexperience, we think that by burying a seed, we are killing it and getting rid of it forever, then we will be very surprised when we see that the emerging shoots bear a hundred more of the same seeds. What begins as a small fear, through suppression becomes a big fear, changes forms and expands the zone of influence, thereby narrowing accessible to man choice of actions and making him even less free in his choice.

No matter how you run, you cannot escape from yourself. Very often life presents us with surprises in the form of finding ourselves in those very unpleasant, unwanted and frightening situations that we have so long and carefully avoided. And quite often this leads to us losing control, or rather the illusion of control, over our fear. At this moment, he begins to twist us as he wants, vegetative disorders appear in the body, and all this leads to neurosis or a neurosis-like state.

We turn to doctors, who prescribe sedatives that try to chemically suppress our nervous system, poisoned by the energy of fear, but this, as a rule, brings only temporary relief. Having found ourselves in such an unhealthy situation, we try in every possible way to regain control over our emotions, but we get reverse effect: Every time we manage to cope with fear, it leads to a deterioration in physical well-being a few hours later. For example, one person who was afraid of death attended the funeral of a distant friend. Both during the funeral and at the wake, he maintained his composure and behaved with dignity. However, the next morning he developed a migraine, pain in the heart area and increased blood pressure. Full of fear of premature death, he ran to the doctor. Trembling, he began to describe the symptoms, which, however, had occurred to him more than a dozen times. It is noteworthy that this man saw absolutely no connection between his participation in the funeral the day before and the current feeling unwell. When the doctor, being aware of his neurosis, pointed out this connection, the man angrily declared: “Well, yesterday I felt fine!”

One of the characteristic manifestations of internal confusion in people who hold back emotions, no matter what, is the inability to see the cause-and-effect relationships of what is happening to them. Suppressing fear or anger, they do not realize it, all their attention is focused on monitoring the correctness of their behavior, because of this concentration they miss other processes that automatically occur in their psyche. When they relax, and the terrifying situation seems to be behind them, a rebound comes in the form of a vegetative reaction nervous system for another portion of unexpressed emotional energy that came into her.

Sooner or later, any suppressed energy turns into poison for the nervous system, leading to a general energy imbalance and distortion, which is why the body begins to suffer and collapse. The power of pent-up fear brings a feeling of heaviness into the body and contributes to premature aging.

What are we so afraid of? The basis of all fears is the fear of pain, expressed in one form or another. Even the fear of death, which is considered fundamental by many, upon closer examination turns out to be not so much a fear of the cessation of one’s own existence as a horror of the unbearable suffering and pain that supposedly precedes death.

Fear of physical pain makes us weak, deprives us of endurance and patience. Because of it, we often give in to difficulties that require effort from us, and quit the work we started, feeling the slightest fatigue. It forces us to humiliate ourselves in front of those who are physically stronger; it turns us into slaves of the body.

Fear of emotional pain makes us closed in relationships with other people, we keep our distance, trying not to let anyone get close to us at a distance from which we can hurt our hearts, because it’s safer. The desire to be loved is constantly fighting with the fear of being rejected, because being rejected is worse than being stabbed.

At the same level, there is a manifestation of the consequences of fear of physical pain: when, for example, a person is afraid to express his anger in order to avoid direct confrontation and physical aggression from others, he will be frightened by seeing any manifestation of anger in others, even if these are just events in stupid movie playing on TV. The fear of pain on the mental plane is not directly recognized as fear. Pain at the level of the mind is a discrepancy between our conditioning and our life, it is a gap between how it should be, according to the ideas of the mind, and what is in reality. We suffer from the collapse of hopes and the inability to realize desires, and someone whose dreams were destroyed once will be afraid to nurture new ones. Awareness of one's own uselessness causes suffering, recognizing oneself as a failure brings suffering, etc., etc.

Fear of pain and fear of death are the roots of a branchy tree in which, under the influence life circumstances twigs and leaves are formed that express the projections of these fears in relation to a specific situation. For example, a person is afraid of his boss because the boss is an aggressive tyrant and because of this he can fire anyone he wants. Fearing the boss, a person is afraid of possible dismissal and, ultimately, shudders at the prospect of being left without a livelihood and dying a painful death of starvation. We will find a similar background in any fear, but only some are based on the horror of death, all other cases are based on the fear of physical, emotional or mental pain and suffering.

Fear serves as a counterbalance to desires. All unfulfilled desires are most often not realized not due to inappropriate circumstances, but because of fear of consequences and internal taboos. In fact, the life of most people passes on a seesaw - between fear and desire. When the desire is stronger, a person suppresses or puts aside fears and begins to act. When more fear, the opposite happens.

Fear opposes joy, destroying it, but it itself can be suppressed by anxiety. Anxiety compensates for paralysis of the will and allows a person to do at least something to get out of a frightening situation or even behave in such a way as not to get into it. For example, a student before an exam is afraid of failure and receiving an unsatisfactory grade. If his emotions become too strong, he simply will not be able to concentrate on studying. required material. Therefore, as compensation for fear, anxiety arises, pushing him to re-read the textbook again and again.

How can we change our condition and stop being afraid of darkness, lack of money, people, pain and painful death?

First we need to acknowledge the fact that we are scared. Many years of trying to avoid facing our fears have created in us the illusion of their absence. We are used to denying our fears by saying: “I don’t want this,” instead of: “I’m afraid of this.” We have been taught to condemn cowardice, and we reflexively judge ourselves when we feel afraid. We convince ourselves that we don’t need what we want at all, only because we are afraid of the consequences that may arise if our dreams come true. We don't like to admit our weakness. I have met many people who, with their pupils dilated with horror, assured me that at the moment they were not at all afraid, and in general they were not afraid of almost anything in life.

Denial of fear does not allow us to work with it, does not allow us to change our internal situation and become stronger. If you do not tolerate cold well, you have a lot of repressed fear, if you do not tolerate pain well, if you have phobias, the diagnosis is the same. No matter how much you turn away from your fears, no matter how much you pretend they don’t exist, you are well aware of them. You just need to face them and acknowledge their presence.

Most people who are in the stage of emotional decompensation, in a neurosis-like state, exhausted by fear and its manifestations at the body level, begin to fear fear itself. They are ready to do anything to avoid getting into frightening situations. Like a drowning man clutching at a straw, they cling to any opportunity to be happy about something. This is why so many stupid comedies are made. The fear of facing your fear and experiencing it again is the main obstacle in the beginning. The desire not to feel it, to be distracted, to suppress it in the usual way - this is what a person usually struggles with when trying to change something.

It will take effort to overcome the automaticity of your reactions, but it will be worth it.
There are two main methods for dealing with fears.

Some psychologists say that you need to survive the situation that you are afraid of getting into. However, experience suggests the opposite - in the case of phobias and deep fears, relief does not occur, but neurosis often develops.

The first method of work is to look at your fear, just look and that’s it. At its core, this is an exercise in meditation, witnessing. If you have never tried to observe your states or sensations in your body before, then difficulties may arise at first, but with due persistence and perseverance everything will work out, since managing your attention is a skill that can be developed and trained.

So, technically it looks like this: you sit on the floor or on a chair, it doesn’t matter, with your back straight and try to recreate in your memory the frightening situation that you recently experienced. Your goal is to create a feeling of fear in yourself. When it appears, give it freedom, trying not to follow your habit of suppressing it, but also trying not to identify with it by panicking or dreaming of escape. You need to allow your fear to unfold fully, without blocking its flow either at the level of the body, or at the level of the mind or emotions. If everything is going right and fear has completely taken hold of you, you will feel discomfort on all levels of your being. This is normal, this emotion exists to create extremely unpleasant sensations in us.

It is from this moment that the exercise begins. Fear will plague you and you will want to stop to avoid it, but you must not give up. Keep sitting no matter what. Observe how the energy of fear inside you includes various processes - for example, coldness in the body and waves of chills, panicky thoughts and the desire for everything to end as soon as possible, how sensations envelop you like a cocoon. Your task is to wait until the fear recedes on its own. His energy is not infinite, and if you do not give up, then after a while it will simply dry up. Without a doubt, by this point you will be exhausted and squeezed like lemon. This is fine. On the contrary, if the fear subsided quickly and you were not at all tired, then, most likely, the usual suppression mechanisms worked, and you were unable to allow the fear to unfold.

It will not always be necessary to specifically imagine something in order to create fear in yourself. You can use any situation in which fear rears its head - be it a health condition, troubles with loved ones, problems at work, a global economic crisis, etc. If you become more attentive to the state that arises in you, then without much difficulty you will begin to notice flashes of sensations, sometimes expressed only at the level of the mind in the form of the characteristic thoughts described above. In these cases, you have the opportunity to immediately look at the fear that has arisen, recognize its presence and not allow suppression reactions to kick in.

If you practice this technique regularly for a month or two, you will find that you are no longer so dependent on your emotions. You will see that your consciousness, what you call "I", can exist separately, independent of any emotion. You will begin to sense an internal gap between the center of your consciousness and the periphery of your body and emotions. You will become freer. By learning to watch the attacks of fear and see how its energy is depleted and exhausted, you will become stronger. The constant practice of such observation will allow you to become aware of the manifestations of any of your fears in the flow of life - on the street, at work, during small talk, etc. First, you will have to work with very obvious, very gross manifestations of this emotion. But the more persistent you are, the faster changes will come, and what previously oppressed and poisoned life will weaken.

The mystery of this method is that observation leads to disidentification, separation of our consciousness from emotions, and we can calmly look at them whenever and wherever they arise. In this way, a person stops running from negative experiences and suppressing their energy, not blocking it in the body, but allowing it, having already arisen, to manifest itself and dry up without leaving a trace. Using this technique, we first solve problems with already accumulated baggage, but as soon as we begin, we find that we significantly change our own being. When we begin to observe fear and its manifestations in the process of daily life, ceasing to suppress them, we confidently move towards liberation.

People suffering from phobias (fear of heights, dogs, closed or open spaces, etc.), in order to get rid of them, need to learn to observe their fear in situations where these phobias manifest themselves. Consistent and purposeful awareness of one's emotions leads to what is called insight in psychotherapy, that is, to identifying (and experiencing) the primary fear that happened in early childhood. Having relived the psychotrauma that gave rise to the phobia, having realized and seen all its nuances, a person creates conditions for scarring of an internal wound that has not healed for years, and is healed. This work takes time, but it is better to spend it this way than searching for ways not to be alone in the dark.

The second method of working with fear is aimed at understanding the causes, circumstances of the emergence and development of one’s fears. In other words, this technique actively uses the mind, unlike the first one, where we used attention. This method helps us better understand the motives of our actions, realize what we are avoiding, and through this touch the hidden, often invisible fears.

Our habit of denying fear creates inner blindness when we deliberately ignore what we fear. Logical holes are formed in our thinking, allowing us to continue to deny the obvious.

It is working with these conditions that is the goal of the second technique. Its essence is this: you need to ask yourself the question: “What am I afraid of?” Whatever the answer, it is not true and cannot be stopped there. You need to ask yourself: “Why am I afraid of this?” Several possible answers will appear in this place, and each of them will give a direction in which you can move deeper into yourself, unwinding the threads of your motives. If you do not have a sincere desire to see your true state, you will not succeed in this exercise. In fact, we know all our fears, but we don’t want to see them. The desire to never meet them makes us blind and unsure of our feelings, the desire to see clearly allows us to see the real state of affairs in the sphere of emotions and mind. One way or another, we ourselves are responsible for our emotions, although we like to blame them on the first people we meet.

The second method allows us to use associative connections that already exist in our mind to dive into the depths of processes that invisibly influence psycho-emotional reactions and actions. By moving from the obvious to the hidden, from situations that we are clearly afraid of to situations that are normally hidden outside our awareness, we can understand what fear is at the basis of internal taboos and numerous ritual actions designed to protect us. Having discovered it, you can act according to the first method, negating its secret but powerful effect on our psyche and actions. By working with this fear, we create conditions in which the mechanistic chains of our reactions collapse.

By combining both methods, we really change our being.

Fear is a defensive reaction that often takes on exaggerated, unnatural forms, making the entire human life unbalanced. Overcoming the fear of death and completely getting rid of it is possible only when we are confident in our immortality. But as long as we are subject to all types of phobias and neuroses, without trying to change the situation, we will not learn anything about it.

19 708 2 Who among us can honestly admit our fears? Every person has them, even those who claim to be afraid of absolutely nothing. Our fear of something can be expressed not only in the thought “I'm afraid!”, but also in ordinary anxiety or nervous state. If you are nervous or anxious for any reason, that is also fear, you are just hiding it under other names. So, how to overcome fear and self-doubt? How to gain this self-confidence? More on this later in the article.

Fear and truths about fear

To get rid of fear, you need to understand what it is. Moreover, the approach here should be individual, since we are all different, and accordingly, the manifestations of fear in our lives differ.

All fears can be divided into “right” and “wrong”.

"Correct" fears- these are manifestations of the instinct of self-preservation, they are inherent in us by nature and allow us to quickly react in the event of impending danger.

"Wrong" fears– fears that arose during the process of our growing up and upbringing, they do not allow us to grow as individuals and become an obstacle to our goal. It is these “wrong” fears that we need to get rid of. How to do it?

To overcome your fears, you need to restore faith in yourself! You must believe that you are capable of achieving your goals, despite the obstacles that you are sure to encounter along the way. We set a goal and go towards it. Doubts about your abilities must be cast aside once and for all.

Why do we doubt? Sometimes it is impossible to get to the root of doubt. Even if you manage to do it, so what? The fact that you have identified the cause of the doubt does not mean that you immediately got rid of it.

Tell yourself: “I don’t like that my doubts keep me from moving forward and achieving my goals!” And after that, start taking action, because thinking “why did these doubts arise” and “how did this happen” take away your time, energy and mood, which are better directed in a positive direction.

To cope with fear, you need to know five truths about it:

1 . I can handle anything no matter the circumstances!

You really can handle any task. And you need to repeat this phrase to yourself as a constant attitude.

2. Fear will always be with me as long as I develop.

You just have to admit it. Fear will always accompany you, it will walk alongside you, but you just have to learn to ignore it. When you realize this, you will learn to achieve your goal without looking back at doubts.

3. In order not to be afraid, I will take it and do it!

When you yourself achieve something and see the immediate result of the effort you expended, you will believe in yourself even more. Gradually, you will achieve new goals, and your sense of confidence will grow.

4 . You will grow in your eyes when you go towards your goal without excuses.

Achieving something yourself means feeling important, and this, of course, allows you to gain confidence. By the way, if you have achieved one goal and no longer feel fear, then you are on your way to new goal he may appear again. When you try yourself in a new direction, fear will again be close to you - you can only overcome it with your decisive actions.

5 . Everyone experiences fear in unfamiliar territory!

Do you think that you are the only one who is afraid of something in a new and unusual situation? Not at all. In any new situation, each of us will also experience fear, only some will go forward, while others will remain in place, doubting themselves. If you realize that people around you also experience fears, it will become much easier for you to bear your doubts.

Repeat these truths every day. Become aware of each of them - this will be the first step towards getting rid of your fears! Learn to think in a new way, and end all doubts with the phrase “I can handle it!” or “I’ll do it!” FEAR IS NOT A PROBLEM, IT IS NOT A HANDLE ON THE PATH TO YOUR GOAL!

How do doubts and fear arise?

Most often, we ourselves are to blame for our fears - we ourselves attract them, doubting our actions. Remember how often you say “I can’t” when asked to go somewhere to relax or when asked by a friend? Those words “I can’t” get stuck in your head and can’t leave. Replace them with the phrase "I won't" and you will immediately feel the difference. You will not show weakness - you will simply answer a question, request or assignment. “I can’t go to the bar” and “I won’t go to the bar because I’m preparing for an event tomorrow” - feel the difference between these two phrases.

How many other phrases are there that constantly circulate among our thoughts and help doubts to capture us? There are quite a lot of them and they are the ones that contribute to the emergence of fear.

You need to remove the phrase “I need” from your thoughts. To speak correctly "I could"! In the first case, you are pressured by a sense of obligation, and in the second, you feel the possibility of choice.

Forget about the phrase “It’s not my fault,” it makes you helpless. Replace it with "I will take this into account in I'll do better next time". You need to become responsible for your life. When you realize this, you will understand that only you yourself have the power to change your life. Gradually you will find yourself in a position of strength, and the level of fear will automatically decrease!

Another phrase that you urgently need to exclude from your head is “I have a problem” or “This is problematic.” If you perceive the situation as a problem, then this already leads to negativity. Every problem must be considered as a new opportunity! If you learn to handle problems so that they turn into new opportunities, you will definitely become stronger, and certainly more confident in yourself.

Get rid of the phrase "I hope" - it immediately makes you worry. And here "I know" programs immediately full confidence in your own strength. The presence of fear is also confirmed by the phrases “This is terrible” or “What can I do?” You must learn to perceive your life from the other side: "I will draw conclusions" And “I know I can handle the situation”.

As you can see, most often we ourselves are to blame for our fears. Our negative perception of what is happening, the role of the victim and unwillingness to face difficulties help our fears grow. To eliminate them, you need to take responsibility for your life and move forward.

All in your hands!

We urgently need to get rid of the role of the victim, because the victim is always scared, because she is helpless! You need to understand that everything is only in your hands, and entirely!

You, of course, cannot be responsible for everything that happens in your life. You just need to understand that the cause of your experiences is solely yourself.

Your reaction to what is happening is the result of your thinking!

When you realize that you are responsible for what goes on in your head, you can take control of your life.

So, your task is to learn the following truths:

1 . Accepting responsibility and blaming yourself are two different things

Yes, you accept responsibility for your life, but there is no need to blame yourself for the past, today or future. Moreover, there is no need to be upset. Perceive obstacles that prevent you from reaching your goal as educational process, as a result of which you will be freed from fears.

How do you understand where in your life you are not taking responsibility? Analyze in what situations you feel angry or upset, blame others, feel sorry for yourself. It is in these moments that you shirk responsibility. Other signs of shirking responsibility may include:

• absent-mindedness,
• fatigue,
• impatience,
• feelings of envy or jealousy,
• feeling of disappointment
• helplessness,
• constant uncertainty
• desire to control others.

Do you notice such things behind you? Think about where they come from - it’s in these moments that you need to take responsibility.

2. The inner talker needs to know its place

The Inner Talker is the voice in your head that constantly leads you to negative thoughts, doubts and worries. By putting it in place in time, you will find the key to all your fears. However, we still cannot do without him: The Talker allows us to realize the need for change, he will always accompany you as you work on yourself.

3. By accepting responsibility, we realize the hidden benefits

What is hidden benefit? There are people who always complain about their health, but never fix it. Why? Because it benefits them! So attention is always drawn to them, and they themselves have a “weighty” reason to play the role of the victim. They can attribute any failure to the fact that they are in poor health. But you just need to realize these “hidden” benefits and take responsibility for this part of your life.

4 . We formulate goals and set out to achieve them.

5 . Every situation has several solutions

In any situation, you have a choice: you can do it this way or something else. Only you can make yourself happy or unhappy - you make this choice! You need to choose the option that will make you better and promote personal growth.

How to get rid of fear?

To overcome fear, you need to take a position of strength: if you regain your strength, get rid of fear. It is important:

• If your life brings you negative emotions, then this cannot be blamed external factors. Only you yourself are responsible for your emotions, thoughts and actions.
• Don't blame yourself for not being able to control absolutely everything in life. This is impossible. The process of returning yourself to a position of strength occurs gradually.
• Analyze the moments in which you appear as a victim. These are the parts of your life that you need to take responsibility for.
• Turn the Inner Talker into your friend, learn to use it for your purposes.
• Find out for yourself whether you have hidden benefits that are holding you back in your development process. Once you find them and acknowledge them, it will be much easier to overcome your fears.
• Your actions must be consistent with your goals.
• In any situation, your reaction should be aimed at positivity and harmony with yourself.

Many, by the way, are skeptical about the theory of positive thinking. But think for yourself: what we are talking about
We worry, most often it doesn’t happen. So is it worth tormenting yourself with negative expectations when it’s better to think about positive things? Why be afraid of something and worry about it when you can think about more pleasant things?

To win the battle against fears, use affirmations - positive statements that something good is happening to you right now. Affirmations should be formulated only in the present tense and always in a positive way. For example, “I can handle this problem” rather than “I can handle this problem.”

When making a decision, we are afraid of making a mistake, choosing the wrong option. But in any case, we gain something, and it’s our thinking that makes our choice a mistake. We think that we made a mistake. Maybe this is not a mistake at all? In the fight against fear, it is important to shift the emphasis of your thinking so that in any case your choice is not a mistake - it should simply be one of the options that led to one or another result.

Believe in yourself! Do it gradually:

• First, determine your priorities – your own, not someone else’s. We often do what others say. But we must do what we ourselves want.

Personally, I own experience I was convinced of this. At one time I received 2 higher education because the parents wanted it that way. And just when I thought that I had repaid my debt to them and would finally start doing what I had wanted for so long, I again came across my parents’ disapproval. Who tried in every possible way to impose their priorities on me in choosing my professional future. Fortunately, by pulling myself together and saying a firm NO, I got rid of their attitudes by defining my priorities and goals. Now that I am on my path, I feel happy and satisfied with life. And fear faded into the background.

• Trust your impulses! Listen to your intuition, often our body itself tells us on a subconscious level in which direction we need to move.
• Keep it simple! Don't take your actions too seriously. Be simpler, perceive life around you more easily.
• Change your action plan! You are moving towards your goal, and if your plan is not working, then you just need to change it. If you don't change it, then you will never reach your goal.
• Take your mistakes as experiences that lead you to success.

To get rid of fears, use psychological exercises - they are available to absolutely everyone!

Exercise No. 1: If you are faced with any problem, then you always have several options for solving it. Take a piece of paper and write down the positive aspects of each of these options. What's the result? Each option will be the right solution to the problem, because each has its own positive sides.

Exercise No. 2: During the day, when you have to make a choice, train yourself to think, “It doesn’t matter.” And really, does it matter, for example, where you have lunch today? Just different variants will bring different impressions.

Exercise No. 3: Positive “reminders” will help you in the fight against fears: “We will break through!”, “Everything will be great!”, “I will do it!” and so on. Write them on small pieces of paper and post them at home and in your office work place. Now, when you start to worry, this “reminder” will help you eliminate unnecessary worries and think about a positive outcome.

To cope with fears, you need to understand, first of all, your head. All our fears come from incorrectly configured thinking. Shift his activities towards the positive, set goals and go towards them, forgetting about fears and doubts!

The future is unknown, and the unknown is usually scary. So is it worth peering into this murky distance? Isn't it better to focus your energy on the present? Live only today, and leave the problems of the future in the future. To do this, constantly ask yourself: “What can I do to solve the problem today?”

2. Use the Big Numbers Technique to Eliminate Irrational Fears

Most human fears are irrational in nature. As soon as an explosion occurs in the subway, people have a phobia of using this transport. Undoubtedly, every tragedy is terrible, but it does not change the degree of safety of underground transport. On the contrary, after a disaster, experts try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Try to accept these consequences. Before you start worrying about something, ask yourself: what is the statistical probability of this event happening?

3. Accept the outcome.

Bad things happen and will continue to happen, unfortunately. Let's say you are afraid that you will be expelled from the university. Just sit quietly at the table and write what will happen if this happens. You will be left without a diploma, lost years of study, wasted money for education, etc. Now imagine that this happened. But you gained certain knowledge during your studies, perhaps you worked part-time somewhere. Try to get a job, and after some time, resume your studies in the correspondence department. You will already be working, so after graduating from university you will not need to deal with employment.

Bad things happen, and no one is immune from it. So learn to put up with worst result your problem, and then calmly search for a solution to the problem.

4. Will this matter in 5-10 years?

Try to ask yourself this as often as possible. Yes, today this problem seems huge, but imagine how you look at it from the future. Most likely it will become much smaller. Many problems lose their significance over time, so learn to weed out the small problems so you can solve the truly important problems.

5. Analyze your experiences

Many of them will not pass verification even using one of the above methods. Fear can ruin your life, so it deserves to be dealt with. And having defeated him, you will be surprised how wonderful life is!