How to stop following someone else's life. Why follow friends on social networks

We are different. Thirty-year-old women. Twenty year old men. Students. "Poor". Teachers. Programmers. Musicians pretending to be lawyers. Poets who love to drive the bus. People who understand that work has led to a dead end, and people who are grateful to fate that there is at least some work.

We are different. But we have a common pain. We don't truly use our abilities.

Once Elle Luna, an artist and designer, wrote an essay about this - “Between need and want.” About how to find your way and understand yourself. After a couple of weeks, this text was shared by 5 million people. “This text changed my life,” one woman commented. “Drop everything you’re doing right now and read this article,” wrote another. And then the book appeared. Beautiful. Inspiring. Which you want to share.

Today we share what caught our attention. So drop everything. And read.

Job, career or calling?

Elle was working on a startup when she felt she had come to a “crossroads.” There was a lot of work, but that's all free time she devoted herself to drawing. Both worlds were equally interesting to her, but which to choose?

One day, Elle saw a performance by Stefan Sagmeister, a designer from New York, at the world famous, in which he showed the difference between work, career and vocation.

El thought: what happened in her life? She realized that she wanted a job that was both a career and a calling. After launching the startup, she wrote a letter of resignation and devoted herself entirely to drawing.

What else is there in your life? Jobs, careers or vocations?

The writer Thomas Eliot worked in a bank. Kurt Vonnegut sold cars. One of the greatest composers of our time, Philip Glass, began to earn money from his calling only at the age of 41. His works premiered at the Metropolitan Opera, and he continued to work as a plumber.

Any work deserves respect. If you work just to pay the bills, that's not a bad thing. And just because you want to find your calling doesn’t mean you need to quit your job. There is no contradiction here.

But it’s important to think: what are you doing now?

I need and want

“There are two paths in life: “I have to” and “I want.” We come to this crossroads again and again. And we choose every day,” Elle writes in her book.

“We should” are the ideas of other people (mainly loved ones - parents, family) about how we should live. These are their expectations about our actions, thoughts and life in general. All this destroys our own “I”, forcing us to do as we would like. By choosing the “should” path, we choose life for the sake of others, a life that is predictable and without unnecessary worries.

What is “I want”?

“I want” is what we are without masks and imposed attitudes. This is all that we feel deep down, what we love and believe in. These are all our true desires, dreams, hobbies. “I want” allows us to reveal our potential and strive for our own ideals.

It’s harder to follow the “I want” path, because it’s unclear what awaits us on this journey. There are no guarantees, just daily hard work and constant self-improvement. But at the same time, choosing “I want” means living a rich and conscious life. Be here and now every second. This is a life full of delight and joy.

Lawyer John Grisham woke up every day at 5 a.m. and sat down to write stories about terrible crimes before work. He followed “I want” for many years and did not give up, receiving refusals to publish his book. In the end, he received a positive response, and today his name is known in every home.

Which path are you on? “Need” or “want”?

Where does “should” come from?

It would seem so easy to do what we want, but why don’t we do it every day?

We grow up in an environment where everyone around us is constantly telling us what to do. We are taught what to do and what not to do. We inherit the beliefs and worldviews of those close to us. But sometimes we follow someone else’s “should” path for much longer than planned. We suddenly realize that we are adults who are not living the way we would like.

In order to get out of the captivity of “must”, we first need to realize that we are in it. Take a piece of paper and make a list of sentences starting with “I need...”, “I should...”, “I always needed...”, “I never need...”. Without thinking, write everything that sounds in your head.

Now ask each item on your list three questions:

Without regret, eliminate everything that does not suit you. Life is too short to waste time doing things you don't want to do.

How to follow the path of “I want”?

What if we don't know what we like and what we want? Play with your dreams.

Every time a desire (or) appears in your head, write it down on a sticky note and stick it anywhere. Your desires can be strange, grandiose, useful or stupid. The main thing is to catch them and write them down. This way you will more often hear what your heart wants. What will sound more often and louder is you.

Two obituaries

Imagine that you have grown old, died and are written about in the newspaper. What will be written there if your life goes the way it does? Write down everything you think of. Do you like it?

Now write the kind of obituary you would like for yourself. What would your life be like? Who would you be? A caring mother, a hero of the country, a great inventor, or all three? Don't be shy about your dreams.

Compare these two obituaries and think about what you need to change in your life for the second one to become a reality.

How to start?

Lao Tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Once you realize what you really want, start taking action little by little. You don’t need to immediately quit your job and spend all your time, for example, writing. This is unreasonable, because you need to live on something and eat something. Moreover, this approach will only confuse you. Just every day. Finding 10-15 minutes for yourself every day is not difficult.

Listen to your heart and do whatever it tells you. Even if it seems absurd or pointless.

Your life is yours. But only if you are at the helm. Follow the path of “I want” every day. Ten minutes can always be found. Ten minutes while the kettle is boiling - go ahead! Ten minutes in a traffic jam - go ahead!

What will you choose? Necessary? Want?

P.S. Read what inspires you. There is a 50% discount on the electronic version of “Between I Need and I Want” until June 13 - only for Lifehacker readers. Promo code - XO4Y.

Society imposes its own rules of the game. “You must be successful, self-sufficient, and comply with the canons of beauty. Otherwise, you are a loser living on the sidelines of life.” How to stop living according to someone else’s scenario and understand what to do next? Psychotherapist Elena Rykhalskaya comments on a life story.

"In my Lately some kind of nervous itching began. I don't know what it is. Probably fear: maybe I won’t make it in time and my train will leave... All my friends have built a career long ago, I’m the only one who spent too much time as a teacher.

At the beginning of last summer, I saw a friend’s status on Odnoklassniki: “I received a second higher education! But this is not the limit. I'm doing it again! Keep your fingers crossed for me." And I? What - me?.. Just as I graduated from physics and mathematics at twenty, I’m still cackling as a teacher at our school. I'm poring over notebooks while my friend Zhenya is traveling abroad. She has already attended an internship in Austria and completed an accounting course, and now she has enrolled again. She’s building a career like an adult, not like me: they gave me a salary on time and I’m already glad.

No, Zhenya’s range is much greater! Moreover, my friend is not the only one who is so nimble. Many are eager to do everything by the age of thirty. What can I say, no matter what magazine I open, half of the articles are about how to become successful and rich. I realized a long time ago: accomplished people are drawn to their own kind. Who wants to communicate with a loser? So Zhenya took out a loan last year to buy a car and dress up.

As she said: “I need to live up to my position.” Now he plows even on weekends to work off his hours, his car, and his expensive fur coat. She sleeps four hours a day, it’s unknown when she rested, but she corresponds to her status, you can’t say anything.

Yes, it’s time for me to join the people. Otherwise I kill time on forums, spend hours looking at photos in in social networks, I’m waiting for “likes” from old friends on my page. No development, no prospects. I want to be like Zhenya! That I am worse than her? We graduated from physics and mathematics together!

The other day she came to see me. Thin as a roach. “I don’t even have time to eat,” she said. I pushed back dinner, took beauty pills instead, called someone, made an appointment for another meeting, and rushed off. Yesterday I wrote that I took out a loan again. He wants to live in the center, because it’s not comme il faut to live in Obolon. “We need to move to Pechersk.”

And you know, after communicating with her, I also want a different life. Just as beautiful and successful. Of course, I’m not a fool, and I understand that society dictates many rules to us, but if everyone lives like this, am I worse than others?”

Comment from psychologist Elena Rykhalskaya:

Valeria - obviously dependent person who has lost his own self-identity. Even from this letter it is clear that she does not understand what she wants - the social attributes of a friend or not having free time even for a full lunch?

Being carried away by the external picture of success, we forget that “you have to pay for everything in life.” And it’s not a fact that one person’s lifestyle will suit another. Valeria should not copy other people's scripts, but should try to find her own. Because by copying the success of others, we can become unhappy. “I want like Zhenya” is the motto of a woman who cannot understand what she herself wants, and also an illusion, because “like Zhenya” will never be.

The advantage of the story is that Valeria thought: But what it will become and in which direction it will develop - this is what you need to think about.

And lastly: often things are not so good for people who actively demonstrate their success. We “peck” at the demonstrative side of the coin, not knowing about the second, assiduously hidden. Thus, we copy someone else's life scenario. A mature personality is equal to own desires and needs, and not those that are offered to her from the outside like candy in a beautiful wrapper.

Probably everyone, from childhood, remembers envying other children because of the best toys, bicycle or clothes. As adults, people don’t always get rid of this feeling. Can’t control yourself because your neighbors bought a dacha outside the city for a lot of money? Or does a boyfriend give diamonds to a friend? Or maybe your friend got the promotion you were waiting for? If these thoughts are even a little familiar to you, then this article on how to stop being jealous and live your life will be very useful for you.

The world has always included envy on a par with the greatest vices on earth. But how bad is this feeling, since it is still characteristic human nature? Envy prevents people from realizing themselves, using their potential, and destroys them from within.

In most cases, the basis for the emergence of envy arises from childhood. When parents try to invest the most in their child positive features and qualities, unobtrusively set other children as an example and praise. And only in adult independent life does everyone determine the path for themselves further: to bear such a burden or to abandon it without interfering with the happiness of others.

How to stop being jealous and live your own life?

There are 5 basic rules that will help eradicate feelings of envy. Let's talk about them.

Admit your envy

Since this feeling occurs unconsciously, it is important to learn to control it. Try to “catch” your reaction in your mind to someone else’s well-being. No need to blame yourself right away, just accept it for now, like others bad habits inherent in you.

Try not to compare

Here in childhood there was no escape from parental comparisons. But as an adult, a person can allow himself to be who he really is. Whether we are worse or better than another person is not an objective opinion, but subjective thinking.

It is very important here to focus on creating a rational self-esteem.

If a person begins to focus on other people's successes, shortcomings and advantages, then this should not become a reason for not realizing his own uniqueness. After all, if there are no two identical people in the world, then is there any point in comparing them? We are no worse and no better. We're just different. Compare yourself today only with yourself yesterday.

Be honest with yourself

What does envy do to human consciousness? It constantly leads to the idea that we do not live as our inner ego would like. But at the same time it does not make it clear that everyone can get much more than they currently have. Sit down and think: do the desires that arise now coincide with your true needs? It is especially important to analyze at the moment of envy of other people on the occasion of a purchase or some kind of victory. Perhaps the reason lies in personal beliefs.

Love yourself

Remember and arm yourself with the knowledge that envy is a denial of love and self-respect. React to the manifestation of this bad feeling as clues about where you should get to know yourself better. Always try to think about what is preventing you from getting the object of your envy.

Appreciate life and what you have in it

People often envy the rich and famous because their lives seem very interesting (read the article about). At such moments, the envious person does not understand that he himself also has many reasons to receive vivid emotions. During the day, pay attention to everything that caused even the slightest feeling of joy and delight. In the evening, “reactivate” these sensations. Be sure to thank fate for all the good things that happened to you.

Friends, life does not always send surprises and joy. Moreover, if no human hand and labor are attached to it. This world is teeming with trials and difficulties.

Never feel sorry for yourself and don’t let others do it. Agree, an “allergic” reaction to someone else’s happiness, resulting in anger, is a big internal problem, which may even require the help of a psychologist.
You shouldn’t constantly monitor someone else’s life, it takes a colossal amount of time. It is important to focus on your development and life path.
Be always busy with work and new plans, then there is simply no chance for envy to arise.
Rejoice in your victories and never in other people's failures.
Don't compare yourself to anyone.
Instead of outright envy, do not skimp on praising the other person so that they will do the same to you in the future.

In our lives, we want to achieve a lot, do a lot of things, but we don’t always understand that when we are constantly chasing something, we don’t live in the present, only imaginary periods of time remain for us. The future has not yet arrived, the past no longer exists, and the present time is passing us by. It’s worth stopping and thinking: are we living our own lives and how to start living with your own mind and for your own pleasure.

We ourselves miss the best moments of life, getting lost in thoughts in the past and future. And then we complain some more. Let's be clear: only the present tense is truly significant place to live here and now. NOW you can find what you are looking for.

Think about whether it is important what other people say about you, what opinion they have about your personal life, because obligatory advice on its arrangement: how to live, where and who to work with - will not make you happy. There is only one correct way out: you must and can make your own decisions and live your own life- after all, you know better what your happy life should be

Perhaps the time has come to change something in your worldview, and don’t you think so?

It is important to understand that in order for life to follow in the right direction, where the last word remains with you, and not with someone else, you must first listen to yourself. At the same time, you should not neglect the advice of knowledgeable and experienced people in difficult situations. It is imperative to learn from the mistakes of others, because... stepping on your rake is much more painful. You can take into account the good and useful tips. Learn to distinguish between benefits for yourself good advice and the bad influence of imposing someone else’s opinion.

The pursuit should only be for “your” dream

Each of us has a dream, more than one, and everyone strives for it. At the same time, you have to ask yourself, is this really your dream, and isn’t it someone else’s? After all, very often people fulfill the dreams of their parents, brothers, sisters, and even friends. And then throughout their lives they suffer and suffer, for example, from the wrong chosen profession in life, when they have to come to work with a heavy heart and constantly force themselves.

There is an interesting practice of dividing the needs into one’s own and others’, quite simple at the level small child: exercise “why?” - I don’t know the scientific term. Thanks to her, just asking yourself the questions “why do I want this?” and “why do I need this?” you can get to the source of any of your or imposed aspirations. More details in the article:

How to distinguish your desires from those imposed - an exercise “why?”

Many of us, sometimes, cannot find or understand what their dream is; for such people, insight can only come to old age. To prevent this from happening, you must definitely look for yourself, take small steps towards understanding and start with the little things. You can start doing something you like, with a favorite hobby, for example, just dedicate a little time to it several times a week. Let's say you know how to draw and you like it, so why not do what you love and spend just a couple of hours to become happier. Gradually your life will become filled with meaning, and...

Make sure that you strive for your dream, and not for other people’s desires imposed from the outside!

The pursuit of stability or fear of change

We all want stability in life, to have a family, an apartment, a car, a job, etc. In addition to stability, there is also reliability and safety, but this is not always what you need in life. Behind stability may be a fear of change.. It is very unpleasant to realize that you have lived for many years with an unloved person, and made such a choice yourself, being afraid of loneliness. Or a job that they were afraid to change for a long time took a lot of strength and health.

Everyone has a purpose in life, and most people don't realize it because we often strive to fit into someone else's idea of what we should be. Think about whether you want to live like this and ultimately admit that somewhere you didn’t take a risk and didn’t change your life for a more interesting and better present and future. Maybe it makes sense to quit and start traveling, or maybe, on the contrary, to return from the peak of downshift and throw all your talent, for example, into science.

In our case, the choice made in favor of independent travel around our country and Asia remains, so for possible like-minded people we would like to offer a couple of tips:

Behind apparent stability there is often a fear of change, which prevents you from taking important steps towards living a life of pleasure.

Chasing money or material possessions

We live in a society where everything is bought and sold for money; without it we would not be able to exist comfortably. But let's reason, we learned from TV series that the rich also cry, and often do not find their happiness in money or expensive things. Many of us only think that we will be happy if we live in big house, wear branded clothes, we will have a new car.

Big money is always great difficulty storing them and the danger of losing them. True little money or theirs complete absence- the problem is no less. Think about the fact that we become happier not when we spend money on buying a specific item (a trip, a theater ticket, a TV), but on satisfying our desires, for example: unforgettable impressions from traveling around the world, vivid emotions from going to the theater or, simply , the joy of purchasing a new TV.

Set the right goal and strive for it, remember that money cannot be a goal, it is only a means to achieve it, do not be lazy to read the article:

Go towards your dream or goal, and you will not be left without a livelihood. If you only chase money, you will lose your dream and end up empty. Take it easy on money, do what you love in life, work on projects that are interesting to you. And spend money with pleasure, not only on yourself, but also on loved ones and friends, do it with ease at heart, and you will be in good mood every day.

Money is just a means to achieve a goal, treat it more simply, because there are many ways to achieve goals

Work for your pleasure

Work in your life should not be a difficult, ongoing ordeal; the longer you stay at work, the more nervous you are, the more you work without vacations, the less health you have left.

Scientific research shows that an employee who comes back from vacation works much more productively than someone who has not seen this vacation for many years. A rested person begins work with new strength, with with a fresh look, he is able to do more things in less time. Take a step towards change and find something you like, change your boring job for a more interesting one. After all, nothing is impossible in our lives, and we set ourselves barriers when in fact we can conquer any peaks. And a job you love can bring you pleasure.

Many people believe that it is not easy to go to work on the Internet, and only a few can do this. We are currently preparing a whole series of stories and proposals on the topic of remote work, but for now I recommend reading the article about making money online:

Find something you like, stop WORK and start WORKING for your own pleasure

The pursuit of external beauty and youth

There is a lot of pressure now coming from the media about the beautiful appearance of various celebrities who have done a large number of plastic surgery to permanently smooth out wrinkles, or enlarge breasts, or make expressive eyes. But there are no guarantees that you will maintain your health and not lose it.

Pursue beauty in a natural way, namely; , to be in balance with your inner world - isn’t this the norm? When a person has found his purpose, does what he loves and is interesting to him, and does not forget about health and travel, then such a person will simply shine from the inside. None of us will ever become so old that we stop dreaming, setting new goals for ourselves and realizing them, we just need to believe in ourselves.

If you still have a few extra pounds deposited on your sides, then I recommend the following series of articles about losing weight and working using the “bodyflex” method:

Look after your health, but don’t go overboard, just spend a little time on exercise and nutrition

You don't need to prove anything to anyone

Always remember that you don't need to prove anything to anyone. If the people around you cannot accept your world as you created it, then it is time to move on. You live your life and build it the way you want. Many people only realize when they are on their deathbed that they should have listened to their true feelings and boldly lived by them, and not chased someone else’s opinion about themselves.

You need to learn to tell the difference, and be wary of those people who are trying to control you, who can make you feel guiltlessly guilty, or make you doubt yourself. People like vampires absorb internal forces and bring a feeling of emptiness from communicating with them. They put pressure on pity, on honor, on your promises, while manipulating you.

It is important to realize now that you owe nothing to anyone, only to yourself.

People and relationships with them

We all have friends and acquaintances, and we know that sharing ours hidden secrets We can only do it with a few people whom we trust very much. You must learn not to hold back people who move away from you, because all those who want to communicate will remain and be close. However, it is important to realize that not all relationships are healthy.

For communication, choose people who can always listen, whom you can trust, and with whom you can be yourself. And in, which are sometimes a couple of old bores whom you considered friends for many years. Remember the law of the can of crabs, when those who remain below hold those who want to get free - this works even more effectively with people. Don't be afraid to run away from the crab people

Don't hold on to old connections - your loved ones shouldn't drag you down,

Where to look for your love

Love is the feeling that inspires us and colors life in bright colors. It must be mutual. If you don't have this and you are constantly competing for someone's attention, you may end up getting hurt. You need to let go of this attitude, then true love will knock on your door. Pay attention to yourself, accept yourself as you are, occupy your mind with interesting things and discoveries. Find a hobby that you enjoy and will expand your circle of communication, where you can find like-minded people, acquaintances, friends and your love. For example, take a contemporary art class or join a hiking group. This will increase your chances of meeting interesting people and meet your soul mate among them.

Love is big driving force, but don’t chase her, she will find you herself as soon as you let go of the situation.

8 simple steps towards a happy life

Let’s summarize all that has been said, what should you do or not do in order not to depend on the opinions of strangers, and start living your own and at the same time happy life:

Stick to your dream, not the one that was imposed on you, look for it, realize it and enjoy it. Remember that it is never too late to dream and find your goal.
Don't be afraid of changes, they are only for the better, they will make your life more interesting and rich, and you will never regret what you didn't do.
Money is not a goal, but only a means. Go towards your dream and you will not be left without a livelihood.
The work should be interesting and if it is not, then there is nothing impossible to change and fix it.
Beauty should be natural, tell me plastic surgery no, or in old age there will be not a face, but a mask. First of all, think about maintaining your health.
Remember that in this life you don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
Relationships with people around you should be without any vampirism. You need to keep in touch only with those with whom you are truly comfortable and with whom you can be yourself.
If you haven’t met your soul mate yet, or are chasing unrequited attention, then let go of everything, find a new hobby where you can meet new people with similar interests, and you won’t notice how love will find you on its own.

Create your life that you love now, today, with your own hands, and live in the present time. Just look how beautiful and diverse the world is and how many interesting places who are just waiting to receive you.

Be sure to tell your friends about us

6 comments

Speak so easily. Change jobs. It’s as if they are waiting for you everywhere and will take you. You have to work where you can, and of course strive for the best. But not everyone works at the job they would like, simply because they don’t want to hire them there.

This is a fundamentally wrong and decadent aspiration. Every job requires specialists. Moreover good specialist sooner or later they are offered leadership positions. But for this you need to truly love and appreciate your work. And if you are not doing what you love, then all the work goes out of the window. Therefore, it is extremely important to decide what you want to do. For example, at one time I rushed between a manager and a system administrator, but in the end my passion for computers overpowered me. And now my skills allow me to engage in my hobby - this blog. Where Nastya and I are trying to show by example that you can live a little differently.

And by the way, when they don’t want to take it and they push you through the door, you just need to climb out the window, that’s what they taught me at one of the interviews - although I never got a job there. But I gained experience

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For a long time She considered her heightened sensitivity to be a curse. Well, how could it be otherwise? In the 3rd or 4th grade, I was even sent home from class, because while reading aloud an excerpt from “Mumu”, at the very moment where Gerasim drowns the dog, I became hysterical, I started sobbing out loud, and so that she scared the teacher and her classmates.

Now guess who left the cinemas crying after watching Indian cinema? Who felt how my father’s tractor suffered when we left the village forever? Have you heard how cut or broken trees cry? Who rushes to protect a cat, not paying attention to the instinct of self-preservation? Who cries for the company, and sometimes instead of another person?

The parents thought it was time will pass that I will outgrow, grow up, I will be tempered by life and the suffering of movie and book heroes will no longer be perceived so acutely.

This is partly what happened, life has hardened me, but I still cry over films like “Hachiko”, and sympathize with book or cartoon characters, I even have my own list of “what not to watch”, because after such viewings, several days I come to my senses.

“How do you live with this?” - the coach who teaches us numerology asked a question, having seen my numbers, which are responsible for the ability to feel the world. Then I realized for the first time that increased sensitivity- this is my feature and you can learn to manage it, and for this you need to understand your weaknesses and strengths, and then from a disadvantage, it will turn into dignity.

Pity and sympathy.

An empath often confuses them and this is his biggest problem. For myself, I determined that pity comes from the ego (from pride) - these are low vibrations; sympathy - from the heart - high vibrations. Let's figure out what's really hidden behind these concepts?

A pity.

By feeling sorry for a person, we thereby put ourselves in a higher position, as if we were saying to another: “I am better than you, compared to me you are insignificant” (I am exaggerating on purpose). Therefore, when the one you pitied becomes better than you, envy comes. Help provided out of pity brings destruction to both sides. The worst thing is when families are created based on pity. It is in such families that one most often hears: “You ruined my life.” Even if the accusation is not always pronounced out loud, it hovers in the air and poisons the lives of everyone who falls into this field, children in the first place. Anyone who once regretted, unnoticed by himself, over time turns into a victim and behaves accordingly. Being a victim is very profitable; there is always someone to blame for your failures.

Sympathy.

By sympathizing, we broadcast: “I understand and share your pain.” We feel the other person and share not only his grief, but also his joy. By sympathizing, empathizing, we take part of the pain upon ourselves, thereby making the life of another easier, we share our energy with him, and provide support. When the one with whom we shared our energy copes, we feel his joy together with him.

Empaths come into this world to bring compassion. They have been given a great gift, and they need to learn to use the gift so as not to harm themselves or others. An empath is more capable than others of experiencing feelings of guilt with or without cause. Is it necessary to talk about how this destructive feeling can affect a person’s life?

So here's what you need to do to get started:

1. Learn to separate the concepts: pity and sympathy. I wrote above about how to separate one from the other. Being honest with yourself is for your own good.

2. Separate your experiences from those of others. Your experiences are explainable, you just need to find the source. Return mentally to the time when your mood worsened and work through the situation. If the mood has deteriorated without visible reasons, then, most likely, something alien was “picked up.” In both cases, it will take some effort and awareness to return to a good mood (the main thing here is to avoid the temptation to be unhappy). If you can’t cope quickly, then try doing what is described below in step 4.

The first example: a person complains about how bad he feels, the world is unfair, people are not grateful, prices are rising, the opposite sex is a complete freak... etc., all attempts to evoke positive emotions in him fail and now the world around him is dimming and begins to rise irritation....There is only one piece of advice: run away, dropping your slippers, or openly declare that you do not want to communicate on these topics. Such a person does not need help, he only needs your energy. He just wants to use you as a dumpster. Sometimes such people begin to say how bad everything is for them (I’m so unhappy) and how wonderful everything is for you, in comparison with him (how much you have achieved), and imperceptibly, you seem to begin to make excuses that everything is not so good for you either It’s good that the problems are even worse than his... and now, instead of concentrating on positive changes in life, on your achievements and merits, you concentrate on what seem to be shortcomings, failures and disappointments. At this moment, you become a leaky bucket from which energy flows, which is what vampires take advantage of.

Second example: a person begins to talk about his problem. You feel how bad he is now, it can even be physical sensations, especially if it is someone close, sometimes I even notice how during such communication I begin to envelop him with my energy, I feel soft warm waves emanating from me. Usually, after such communication, people say that they feel better and begin to think more positively. And here it is very important to stop in time.

They help me not to completely blend in simple techniques: during communication, light a candle and concentrate on your breathing. And be sure to take a shower or bath after the dialogue. But I don’t always manage to stop in time and then I give out too much energy, so much so that I begin to feel de-energized, and in this case I need...

4. Be able to recover and be in a state of fullness.

Before you can begin recovery, you need to cleanse yourself. You can do this with water (shower, bath, at least salt bath for legs); feel like fire or at least light candles. And sometimes it seems like bubbles filled with smoke fly out of the body (when this happens, please Higher power turn them into light and love). It is advisable to drink plenty of water or herbal teas during cleansing. When you are recovering, it is best to exclude active communication for some time. But the most better recovery for me it's a dream. The more energy I spend, the more I sleep. Previously, I considered this a sign of laziness and scolded myself, trying to limit my sleep time (others sleep little and have so much time to do), but now I have learned to listen to my body.

To maintain a state of fullness, as well as to recover, good things help: communication with nature, physical exercise(if they bring pleasure), creativity, both your own (handicrafts, working with cards, writing) and other people (books, films, music...). And, of course, communication with interesting and positive people.

Being a strong empath is not easy, but when you feel gratitude or see positive changes in the lives of those you have supported with your energy, the meaning of life becomes clear. This allows you to feel part of the Universe, in which everything is perfect, interconnected and in its place.