How to love yourself: advice from psychologists. How to learn to love yourself - praise. Reasons for not loving yourself

To become happy you need to know harmony, and without love and self-respect it is unlikely to achieve this high feeling. How to learn to sincerely love and respect yourself, forgive and let go of fear and pain?

Our motivation depends on the level of self-esteem, life goals, energy charge, harmonious existence in this life. What do you need to do to learn to respect and value yourself?

Creating the perfect look

To gain self-respect and self-esteem, it is necessary to adhere to various postulates that make us happier and more successful. How to force a husband and wife to show love and humility, teach children to help others, and sow love and self-respect in their souls from an early age?

What does psychology advise:

1. It is important to be able to forgive at any moment and period of life, forgetting both petty grievances and serious sins. You need to learn to forgive your neighbors, erasing pain, anger and suffering from your path. You can meditate, use various ways“visual representation of the offender,” trying to let go of the offense from your soul forever.
2. To treat yourself with respect, you need to engage in self-development, learn new and interesting things, increase your level of self-esteem and increase the degree of confidence in yourself. It is important to learn to love yourself, but not forget about those around you.
3. We must remember that failures and negative thoughts attract bad things, and therefore it is important to learn how to switch to the positive in time, smile more often and accept life in all its manifestations.
4. It is important to understand your surroundings - who do you communicate with and what energy do you attract? You must surround yourself with worthy individuals who love and respect themselves, are ready to come to your aid at any moment, and express support and a friendly attitude.
5. Never stop there! Continue to improve and look for new ways out of the situation. It is important to find yourself, find your favorite activity, and then all the obstacles will not matter.

What happens if you don't show respect for yourself?

A person who does not show respect for himself becomes an inferior person, as if every ridicule and watchful glance of a neighbor is about him. Life is going badly, it’s difficult to achieve your goals when there are only negative thoughts, complexes and fears in your head.

Only love and respect will help you overcome difficulties and find success. People with positive thinking do not suffer from depression and always find a way out of any situation. life situation, do not mislead others.

How to love yourself and learn to respect?

What to do to develop personal self-esteem and how to love yourself? You need to learn to treat yourself with respect in practice (do your hair, wear beautiful clothes, take care of yourself and your body, eat properly and balanced in order to achieve the desired shape).

How to make yourself respected - it is important to stop comparing yourself with someone. Each person is individual and there are no identical personalities in the world. You need to not dwell on shortcomings, but look for your talents and abilities in order to surprise others and love yourself.

If you made a mistake in something, then you should not reproach yourself for it; the one who moves forward and develops accepts life lessons. You cannot change the past, but the future is in your hands.

It is necessary to form the right habits, which will help increase the level of self-esteem. Every person should eat right, devote time to physical and spiritual development, monitor your weight and health.

What can help improve self-esteem:

• rest;
• encouragement;
• positive emotions;
• positive thinking;
• affirmations and meditation;
• good health;
• self-development.

Before moving on to practical actions, you need to find the reasons why you still treat yourself with disrespect.

Do you need to love yourself?

What hinders the development of your self-esteem is the lack of love, when a person ceases to live in harmony with the outside world and spiritual impulses. Until we love ourselves, we will not be able to sincerely love our neighbors.

Dissatisfaction with yourself makes you envy others, which means ruining your world and ideas about life. If there is no proper attitude towards oneself, then pity arises, negative emotions that destroy human health and well-being.

If you engage in self-criticism all the time, looking for your negative sides and shortcomings, then nothing good will come of it. Only fear, pain and disappointment. That is why it is so important to stop and start looking for your path in life, honest, noble and harmonious.

How to show love and apply it to yourself?

A loving and self-respecting person sets realistic goals for himself every day, achieves them and thanks himself for his efforts. This is the only way to achieve harmony and avoid self-flagellation.

There are several exercises that will help you change your behavior. better side:

The first exercise is self-awareness

To do this, you need to think carefully and mentally answer several questions:

• who am I in this life;
• what I do;
• why can I be proud of myself;
• what I do best;
• how others treat me;
• what should I change in my life.

The second exercise is to find your strengths

You need to take a piece of paper and write down all the positive aspects. Afterwards, re-read them every day in order to cultivate the beautiful in yourself, in order to love yourself for what you are.

Third exercise - recording changes

Psychologists say that you cannot compare yourself with other people, but you can compare yourself with “yesterday’s” self. What does this mean? It is important to learn to note your negative and positive actions, and constantly record them.

You need to continue the exercise until the dynamics of the results begin to satisfy you. This way you will become proud of yourself, appreciate and love yourself as an improved person.

To strengthen the results obtained, it is important to regularly follow simple rules:

• before going to bed and after waking up, say warm words to yourself, thank the Lord for everything that you have, ask for a blessing for the coming day;
• standing in front of a mirror, you can cheer yourself up by uttering words of praise and praise of certain qualities;
• come up with a positive affirmation and repeat it as often as possible to achieve desired result(an excellent example is the heroine of the film “The Most Charming and Attractive”);
• try to please and pamper yourself, give small and big joys;
• It is important to take care of your body, be sure to exercise physical activity, walk more fresh air, eat healthy and healthy food, and when there is no physical discomfort, it will be easier to love yourself.

How to start appreciating your personality?

How to make people respect yourself? Many people are afraid to appreciate and love themselves, because they believe that they will stop thinking about others. But this is not so, love is not a manifestation of selfishness, it is important to make self-esteem optimal so as not to step over the line of what is permitted:

1. Everyone has the right to make mistakes - this is not weakness, there are no ideal people, and therefore everyone can make wrong actions. The main thing is to come to your senses and take measures to eliminate the error.
2. No one owes anyone anything - and therefore you should not demand from others what they cannot give.
3. You need to be open with people.
4. It is important to accept people as they are - not to try to change them.

In order not to reproach yourself for unrealistic plans, it is important to really plan every day and hour, this is the only way you can manage to accomplish your plans and receive positive emotions as a reward for your work.

Psychologists say that those who work hard should rest well. After all, constant stress can lead to emotional exhaustion! We stop working at full capacity, lose dexterity, qualifications, and begin to doubt our capabilities.

Love and respect in family and at work

How to force others to respect themselves - loved ones, friends, colleagues... How to force a wife to show patience and attentiveness to her husband? How to get her recognition from a man? Or become a valuable employee at work? There are many questions, but the answer is one – love and self-respect.

To family life has become an idyll, it is necessary to accept each partner with all his shortcomings, and not try to change them, but to develop new, positive character traits that will become the key to a strong and happy life.

How to make a man respect his wife? Stop being selfish, take on part of the “woman’s responsibilities”, get rid of the idea that a woman will not go anywhere and will always be there.

The main thing is to never give up, but always strive for victory, both at home, at work, and in personal matters. In addition to all the tricks, you always need to develop, every guy will be pleased when his girlfriend is appreciated and respected by others, and not grumbled and condemned.

Often the cause of family conflicts is the partners’ disrespect for their personality. How to make your husband or wife respect themselves? You need to get rid of the trail of the past, stop focusing on the negative, reconsider plans for the future and cultivate a personality full of strength and energy for a happy future.

In order for a husband to be attentive to his companion, it is important for a woman to learn to respect herself and him, to take into account the opinion of her husband, and not to “nag” him over trifles. How to get your husband to show caring and godly intentions? A woman needs:

1. Stop being hysterical.
2. Don't wash dirty linen in public.
3. Do not “extort” money from a man for uncontrolled purchases.
4. Do not humiliate, do not insult, do not “make scandals” out of nowhere.

Better yet, become your dear husband’s support and support, then he will “move mountains” so that everything in your family is perfect. Be a friend, spend more time together doing pleasant things, prove to your loved one that you are worthy of a good relationship.

Now you know what it means to value and respect yourself, how to change life and make it beautiful and interesting. Be happy and take care of yourself! Develop and don't stop there! Movement is life and the key to a wonderful future!

An individual is truly happy if he is loved and loves someone. True, not everyone manages to live in harmony with themselves and with others. Many people suffer from misunderstanding, humiliation, and lack of love, but cannot understand the causes of their misfortunes. It turns out that the individual himself “programs” the people around him to have a bad attitude towards himself. The source of the problem is dislike for oneself. If a person wants to change, he should love himself and become a different person.

Individuals who do not love themselves can hardly count on the respect of others. People feel each other's inner mood. There is a saying: what you put out is what you get. If a person is not filled with spiritual content, he is not only disliked by himself, but also disliked by other members of society.

Women, more than anyone else, need constant love and respect. After all, they live by feelings, and the adoration of others inspires them to act. Representatives of the fair half of humanity need to be beloved wives, girlfriends, and mothers. Only love gives them incentive and is a source of inexhaustible energy. Women who do not receive love lose interest in life, become depressed, and slowly fade away. However, solving their problem is very simple - you should psychological attitude will change their lives and the attitude of people around them.

If a person is unloved, then he is, as a rule, jealous and very envious. These negative character traits poison his life. You can't be happy without love. It is necessary to live in harmony with the world around you and yourself.

How does an individual who loves and is loved behave:

• takes care of his appearance;
• likes others, knows how to build friendly relationships with everyone;
• always kind, helps others;
• finds easily mutual language with people;
• knows how to take risks, acts actively and boldly;
• has a beloved partner, family, children;
• successful in business;
• has no bad habits;
• constantly realizes itself in various fields public life.

1. Actions that cause a person to despise himself.

Not everyone manages to behave correctly in a difficult situation. No one is immune from mistakes. Sometimes people beat themselves up because they cannot forgive themselves for their wrongdoings. You cannot blame yourself for mistakes, because they are lessons through which people learn to live and understand life.

1. Inconsistency with the invented image.

A person wants to behave correctly in any situation and look like a hero from his favorite book. Not everyone manages to live up to the ideal. Life is full of problems, they cannot be solved without making compromises with your own conscience. And to look like a star from the cover of a magazine is unforgivable stupidity. After all, every person has an interesting individuality.

1. Everyday difficulties.

People who face many problems every day cannot have a positive attitude towards the world and themselves. Everything appears to them in a black light. True, they don’t even realize that the way out of a difficult situation lies in the plane of their attitude towards themselves.

1. Failure of planned plans.

Sometimes a person works long and hard to achieve the desired result. It's not always possible to become the best and get what you deserve. Failures crush people. If a person fails, he stops loving himself.

What is self-love and how is it formed?

Before learning to love yourself, it is advisable to understand what love is and under the influence of what circumstances it arises. Self-love is understanding your essence and accepting all your shortcomings. An individual must know what he wants from life, why he lives. It is important to be aware of the reasons for your behavior, to accept your strengths and weak sides character. Loving yourself means constantly rejoicing in your victories.

Love originates in a person’s heart and manifests itself in his actions. A child sees that his parents adore him if he hears approval and praise addressed to him. An adult man shows his love with beautiful words and actions.

If an individual loves, then he acts. Love requires proof. This wonderful feeling arises through care, careful attitude, and self-sacrifice.

Is self-love selfish?

Many people think that loving themselves is unforgivable selfishness. This remark is incorrect. There is a difference between love and selfishness. To love means to sacrifice something for the sake of others, to realize oneself without harming the interests of loved ones. Selfishness is when a person is fixated on his own needs, and for the sake of his own goals, he neglects the desires of other people.

Self-love cannot be selfish. After all, it is completely spent on making the lives of relatives happier. A loving individual cares not only about himself, but also about others. Real feeling, without a shadow of obsession and selfishness, always attracts reciprocity. An egoist pushes people away from him, especially if he doesn’t need them.

How to love yourself: 5 steps towards yourself and simple rules for every day

If a person suffers from low self-esteem and feels that he is not liked by others, he needs to learn to love himself. It's very easy to do. You need to work on yourself and change a little.

1. Pay attention to your appearance and take care of yourself every day.
2. Find an interesting activity, realize yourself in society.
3. Believe in yourself and don’t give up in difficult situations.
4. Solve problems independently.
5. Lead an active lifestyle and play your favorite sport.

If a person wants to love himself, he needs to become an interesting person. It is not enough to look good, although this is important for raising self-esteem. An individual must fill his life with something interesting, find something to do to his liking. You can’t isolate yourself within four walls or in the circle of your endless problems. We need to destroy the barrier that prevents us from seeing and feeling the world. A person should receive deserved praise and respect from others.

Simple rules for every day that help increase self-esteem:

• train yourself to smile every day;
• find pleasant features in your character and appearance and focus attention on them;
• write an action plan for the day, and summarize in the evening;
• update your wardrobe, get rid of old-fashioned things;
• bring the job you started to completion;
• don’t be afraid to look or act unconventionally;
• learn to stop the flow of negative thoughts, think only about the good;
• take care of your appearance, if necessary, change your hairstyle, lose weight, join the gym;
• always maintain correct posture, do not slouch, do not lower your head;
• get more rest;
• make your body happy cosmetic procedures, sauna, massage;
• once a week, walk around the room naked - this will help you get rid of many complexes;
• learn to accept compliments;
• do not judge yourself harshly for mistakes;
• always stand up for your rights;
• never talk about your shortcomings with your friends;
• do not silently accept bad attitude towards yourself;
• read more, watch interesting programs, go to theaters, restaurants, cafes;
• create with my own hands- draw, cook, sew clothes, make furniture;
• watch your speech, do not make negative statements;
• get to know each other more often, communicate more;
• Don’t compare yourself to anyone;
• Don't put others on pedestals;
• tell people compliments, give gifts to your loved ones.

If a person wants to be in a positive mood, he must think positively. All thoughts are material. Words and phrases spoken by an individual in the context of an unpleasant conversation subsequently affect his internal state. By uttering special words that give commands to the subconscious, you can return yourself to a positive direction after a quarrel or showdown. Such phrases are called affirmations.

Affirmation to normalize your mood:

“I am calm and nothing will upset me. I accept life and people as they are. I love this world. I think only positively. I have the strength to cope with any problem. It's easy for me to overcome any troubles. I'm not offended by anyone. The deeper I breathe, the more energy I have. I feel great. I'm happy and calm. I have everything in my life. I love myself and the people around me."

Books on the topic “How to start loving yourself?”

Many people want to change and make their life a little better. True, desire alone is not enough. You need to know what actions to take, what to do in order to become a happy and loved person. Knowledge about the self-development of an individual can be gleaned from books on personality psychology. You can find psychological literature on the topic “How to love yourself” on the Internet or in bookstores. Thanks to books on self-development, people will learn to understand themselves, their thoughts, desires, and analyze their own actions. With understanding and acceptance of your “I” comes self-love.

How to love yourself - interesting books in psychology:

• Louise Hay "Album of Healing Affirmations";
• Litvak M. E. “If you want to be happy”;
• Loretta Breuning "Happiness Hormones";
• Anne Lamott "Small Victories";
• Alice Muir "Self Confidence"
• Labkovsky M. “Love yourself with any appearance”;
• Kurpatov A.V. “12 non-trivial solutions. Find peace in your soul."

The most famous book that has helped many people become happy is Dale Carnegie’s bestseller “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” In this work, the author gives readers valuable advice that can change their lives for the better.

American psychologist recommends getting rid of painful mistakes of the past in a simple way- lock negative thoughts in your mind iron door. You can’t torment yourself with something that has already been done and cannot be corrected. Facing difficult situation threatening big troubles, it is advisable to imagine the outcome in black tones. If an individual comes to terms with the idea of ​​a possible loss, it will be easier for him to accept reality.

Whatever the problems, you should not exaggerate their significance too much and worry too much. In the end, the worst thing that can await a person is death, but it is inevitable. You need to combat worries and anxieties with the help of positive thoughts. Thinking about the good, an individual develops an attitude that brings him only joy and happiness.

Dale Carnegie recommends that all people who want to get rid of worries should do something. If you are constantly idle, it is impossible to distract yourself from negative thoughts. A hobby, a favorite hobby, or a useful activity will help you get rid of depression.

It is advisable to get rid of bad habits. True, this is not so easy to do. The author of the book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” advises replacing bad habits with healthy ones. Instead of smoking, you can, for example, train yourself to do squats or eat an apple.

Why is it so important to stop worrying about trifles? As a rule, people who are too vulnerable and sensitive suffer from low self-esteem and self-dislike. Their lack of self-confidence is a product of their bad mood. The internal state of a suspicious person is associated with various worries and unsubstantiated fears. It is advisable to switch your attention to other people or your favorite activity, so as not to worry about trifles and not torment yourself with far-fetched problems. The main thing in gaining self-confidence is daily work above own shortcomings. If you don't do anything, you won't be able to change your life.

If a person wants to become happy and gain the respect and love of others, but he cannot do this on his own, he must seek help from a practicing psychologist-hypnologist

Recently a girl came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, makes a good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?” I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how a bad attitude towards oneself, lack of self-acceptance, self-criticism negatively affects people’s lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.

To love or not to love... that is the question!

I completely share the point of view that what better person treats himself, the more likely he is to become successful and achieve his goals. Good attitude towards oneself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. Loving yourself means being in harmony with yourself and the world around you, feeling confident and attractive, respecting yourself and your desires, and carrying a positive charge that is felt by the people around you.

Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to low mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, therefore common problem such people - , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-dislike is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s appearance, lack of self-confidence, constant voltage and a feeling of worthlessness.

What does it mean to love yourself?

It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as an individual, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one’s ego to others.

The main desire!

As soon as you decide to change your attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will be launched. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. You won’t be able to fall in love with yourself instantly with the wave of a magic wand. Making adjustments to your outer appearance is quick and easy, but truly accepting and loving your inner world can be very difficult. The process of accepting yourself takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and your readiness for change. So where to start?

Take care of your appearance

Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly connected with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, these can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many appearance flaws can be easily corrected the right choice clothes that suit your figure, use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to always take care of your appearance - you do not have to be dressed in your best clothes. latest fashion into trendy things. The main thing is that these are clothes that you like and add confidence to yourself, and your appearance overall it was neat and well-groomed. Take an extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and put your shoes in order before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose for yourself pleasant aroma, which will inspire you. Don’t neglect accessories: a beautiful watch or a comfortable handbag will once again evoke positive emotions in you, lifting your mood and adding self-confidence.

Your mood and the way you think determine your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world. the world. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Tune in positive mood, learn to enjoy the little things and the world will sparkle with bright colors for you (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« » ).

Watch your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I’m so ugly,” “I’m so fat, I’m just terrible,” “I’m a loser, I’ll never succeed,” etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”

Move forward, don't stay in one place for too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or advanced training courses). Find an activity or hobby that you like that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and encourage yourself for any, even the most minor achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Special attention Pay attention to your strengths - use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to discover the advantages in yourself on your own, turn to friends and loved ones for help. Ask them to make a list of your positive aspects. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - those around you will certainly find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to view criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.

Accept your past

Very often, self-dissatisfaction can be related to what you are experiencing for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as an invaluable experience that made you stronger and allowed you to become who you are now. The very awareness of a mistake made is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to get hung up on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in your present and future life(I wrote about how to accept your past in the article« » ).

Listen to your desires

Give yourself permission to do what you want and enjoy. We are not talking about any illegal actions or antisocial behavior. I mean inner freedom, the ability to choose, listen to yourself, and not follow the lead of others. When performing any action, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy some not entirely necessary thing in a store, you do it of your own free will, orso as not to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really want to, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it is important to notice them. When you do something against your desire or compromise your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it can be very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop internal sensitivity and the ability to hear your inner voice (I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).

Surround yourself with nice people

Think about what kind of people surround you? How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure or satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to reduce contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positivity, from whom you want to follow an example and change for the better.

There is no need to look for a reason to love yourself!If you want to be a happy person, be one! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will definitely answer you in kind.

I want to invite all women to a special one. It’s about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life’s difficulties, and be in harmony with herself and the world around her! The ABC of Women training program can be viewed.

Taking care of you, Gestalt therapist.

We can try to please others, look good in the eyes of others, do good deeds, do charity work, remain calm, and handle difficult situations well. And many other useful things in life... But we can become truly happy and successful only when we begin to like ourselves and are satisfied with ourselves. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety, suspiciousness, and susceptibility to depression are consequences of self-dislike, which clearly interfere with living a full life. If you are asking yourself the main question of today’s topic, then you are already taking the first step in this direction, and the recommendations below will help you.

It turns out that learning to live in harmony with oneself is not such a rare problem. Unfortunately, it is complicated by the fact that self-dislike may not be realized; sometimes this requires effort. In most cases, the roots of this phenomenon go back to deep childhood and from then on influence our worldview and behavior. There are, of course, other reasons.

Reasons for not loving yourself

• Education based on orders and suppression of initiative.

If a child is regularly exposed to excessive criticism and reproaches, and at the same time he receives little affection and warmth from his parents, then an image of himself is formed in his mind as unworthy of love, attention and success.

The other extreme of parenting - overprotection - also does not have the best effect on instilling self-love. When a child is overprotected and is not allowed to act independently, then, growing up, he understands that he does not have enough skills, abilities, and courage. And this inevitably leads to self-doubt and decreased self-esteem.

• Committing actions that caused criticism from others, or for which you condemn yourself.

It happens that we do something contrary to our ideals and beliefs, “out of stupidity,” without thinking. Or a reassessment of values ​​may occur, and we begin to repent of what we have done. Not everyone copes easily with this depressing state. Some even stop loving themselves altogether.

• Inconsistency with the ideal self-image.

If we strive for the ideal we have created, but do not achieve it (in appearance, personal qualities, behavior), then we feel dissatisfied with ourselves. The reason may also be a discrepancy with the expectations of others or the image imposed by the media. As a result, we do not accept ourselves as we are, and all the time we set ourselves an unattainable bar.

• Facing failure.

Unpleasant events in personal life and professional sphere can affect our perception of ourselves. Parting with a loved one, feelings of guilt, relationships with friends and colleagues, and lack of career success often affect self-esteem. Especially if we are used to treating ourselves through the prism of achievements.

Self-love: its features and origins

It is worth understanding the essence of the concept and how self-love is formed.

• Self-love is, first of all, understanding and accepting yourself I:

1. We know what we want in life, we know how to dream and make plans.
2. We have goals to which we are faithful and from which we try not to deviate.
3. We are aware of our strengths and weaknesses, we accept ourselves as we are.
4. If we understand that certain qualities interfere with life, then we work on ourselves and try to change them (without fanaticism, of course).

But even if we change something undesirable in our personality, we still continue to respect ourselves and praise ourselves for the slightest changes in our personality. positive side. After all, we have a core, a foundation, many strong qualities for which we are worth loving ourselves!

• Love is born in actions and manifests itself in actions.

Self-love is born through the actions of parents. They take care of the baby, communicate with him, smile, play, give their warmth and love, guide him and set life guidelines in order to form a mature personality in him. The child perceives these signals, feels love and support from the parents, develops self-confidence and the attitude: “I can”, “I can handle it”, “I am worthy”, etc. Without being afraid to act, we learn to accept more effectively decisions, take responsibility, follow the goal. And this is always an additional reason to respect yourself.

• When we love ourselves, we act.

We don’t waste time worrying about “what’s wrong with me?” or “I can’t achieve this.” Of course, this does not mean that people who love and respect themselves do not have moments of blues and anxiety. We are all alive and have the right to experience different emotions. But there are 3 key differences.

1. Firstly, when we love ourselves, we always remember our main goals and will follow them, despite life’s difficulties.
2. Secondly, we will not allow ourselves to be drawn into these melancholic moments and will find a way to get ourselves into shape.
3. Thirdly, our habit of action will not take long to take place, and we will begin to look for a way out of the current situation. And we will definitely find him!

The difference between self-love and selfishness, narcissism, narcissism

Self-love is internal self-satisfaction, self-respect, understanding and acceptance of oneself. The one who loves himself treats other people with respect, does not consider them higher or lower than himself, and communicates as equals.

Self-love is not selfishness. The main difference is that a person who loves himself (not an egoist) is able to equally take care of himself and those around him, while an egoist puts his own interests above others and considers his own person to be extremely important. He often does not take people's needs into account at all.

Narcissism and narcissism are usually used interchangeably and mean an extreme degree of selfishness. These qualities are possessed by people with high self-esteem, who believe that only they deserve true attention and attract it to themselves by any means. Narcissistic individuals consider everyone else inferior to themselves. They are not sensitive or responsive to other people's problems.

Others are drawn to people who love themselves (and show interest in others). And self-deprecation, selfishness and narcissism in most cases are repulsive.

Why is it important to love yourself?

• Dislike for oneself leads to the accumulation of various negative feelings, the most destructive of which are... We envy those who are better than us (we think), who have achieved something more than us, and this is very depressing. We are jealous of someone close to those they like (more than we are, as it seems again). We suffer because we are not as good as we would like. And unfortunately, these negative experiences most often remain at the level of emotions and thoughts and do not turn into actions to change the situation.
• A person who does not love himself (and, therefore, does not understand and does not accept), is turned to his inner world, he always wants to understand, study, discover something about himself. He is constantly searching for himself. Therefore, he has no time for others. Such people close themselves off outside world and from communicating with others. And when we love and understand ourselves, we are more open to contacts with the world, other people are interesting to us, we study them.
• Loving ourselves and others makes us kinder. When we like ourselves, we are generally more satisfied with life and experience positive emotions. We feel the strength and desire to help others.
• To be liked by others, you must accept and love yourself. If we do not learn to do this, we will not be able to attract the attention of other people, communicate successfully and make new acquaintances.

When we don't love ourselves, we don't allow others to love themselves.

• Our self-confidence and self-confidence directly depend on self-love. Self-esteem promotes an adequate assessment of oneself and one's own capabilities.
• When we love ourselves, we take better care of ourselves: we take care of our appearance, allocate enough time for relaxation and hobbies, and try to protect ourselves from stress, emotional and physical overload. Of course, this attitude towards yourself helps to maintain health.
• Self-love makes us braver. This makes it easier for us to stand up for ourselves and others, declare our interests, not allow anyone to “sit on our necks,” take risks for the sake of a worthwhile cause (after all, we are confident in ourselves!)
• Self-love makes us stronger. We cope better with difficult situations and overcome stress, gain experience and become wiser.
• In the family, we are also more successful if we like ourselves. For example, if a woman is satisfied with herself and values ​​herself, then she looks good, shines, creates comfort and good mood for her loved ones, and takes care of them. Thus, she attracts the attention of her husband and is in good contact with kids. Even just this should make you love yourself.
• Self-love protects us from various “stupidities” and bad deeds. And the more of it, the less inclined we are to unjustified risk for life, addictions, self-harm, etc.
• By loving and understanding ourselves, we know what we want in life, realize our needs and make plans for the future.
• Self-respect and adequate self-esteem always contribute to the fact that we can praise ourselves for our achievements and demonstrated strong qualities and are not afraid to admit to ourselves our own weaknesses. And this is very important for personal development.

The psychologist's advice below will help you think and act in the right direction and solve the question of how to love yourself and increase self-esteem.

How to please yourself: let's start taking action

1. To start, just smile! Right now. Let's! Do this without a mirror (this will make your smile more sincere). Feel which muscles tense slightly, imagine what your eyes look like. Sincere joy always manifests itself in them. You need to learn to smile with your eyes. This way, both yourself and others will like you more. Subsequently, you can practice in front of a mirror, choosing the most attractive smile in your opinion. Do this regularly. After all, by smiling, we activate the centers in the brain that are responsible for the feeling of happiness. And if we begin to feel something, it means that it is already present in our life.
2. Within 10 seconds, remember one of your positive traits who helped you succeed. Most likely, at that moment you felt good and were pleased with yourself. Reconnect with those emotions and feel the joy. If it worked then, it means it will work in the future, because this is your quality, and it is always with you! And there are certainly other features that make up inner rod and make you a strong person. You just need to remember them and apply them in life.
3. Study yourself properly! Just without unnecessary soul-searching and focusing on shortcomings. For example, devote a whole day to this. Write down on paper your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and values, dreams and plans for the future. Which of your main goals have you already achieved? Which ones don’t exist yet? Perhaps there is something you want but are afraid to do? Be sure to summarize, highlight your key qualities that are important to rely on, and the main goals that you will strive for.
   Read:
4. Get rid of things you don't like. If, for example, you wear clothes that look completely unattractive and irritate you, then you direct the same emotions towards yourself. Take a quick look at your wardrobe and outdoor space. Surround yourself with pleasant things. Let these be a few items of clothing in which you feel confident and comfortable; a painting, a souvenir or some kind of accessory that pleases the eye and lifts your spirits, etc. The color scheme around should also be pleasant for you. It's better to keep your desk tidy.
   

   Your external personal space and the things around you are a reflection of your inner world. By managing one, you change the other.

5. Force yourself to take some decisive steps. For example, bring something you once started to completion. Or do what you have been wanting to do for a long time, but are hesitant or afraid for some reason (naturally, within the limits of what is permitted by law). Try to behave unconventionally, to go beyond your usual fixated actions. For example, choose a new route to return home (even if it’s not entirely logical), organize some interesting event for relatives and friends, visit an unusual exhibition or performance, spend the weekend in a new way, etc.
6. Learn to tell yourself: “STOP”, as soon as you begin to engage in self-flagellation and regret some of the actions you have taken. ACCEPT YOURSELF with all your weaknesses and failures (and at the same time - with strength and resilience) - now task number one! Everyone makes mistakes and has the right to do so. Moreover, the majority do not stop loving themselves because of this. And any failures are an invaluable experience that helped you achieve what you have now, which makes you stronger and wiser.
7. Regularly monitor changes in yourself. You can even keep a comparison diary. But you need to compare yourself not with other people, but with your former self, who you were before you began to change your attitude towards yourself. Tag all yours positive action, the emergence of new useful traits and habits, praise yourself even for small achievements.

Comparing yourself to others is pointless, unhelpful and ineffective. We are all unique in our own way, and everyone has their own development path..

Take care of your body and health

1. Make sure you like your appearance. Just little tricks and wisdom can change your image. A new hairstyle or eyebrow shape, a different color of lipstick or eye shadow can sometimes work wonders and can help a woman fall in love with herself and increase her self-esteem. Sometimes, of course, more drastic changes may be required, for example, correcting your figure by joining a gym. Everything is in your hands, and you yourself determine the extent of the desired changes.
   Read:

   You are the creator of your image. Only you!

2. Watch your posture. It is this that often reveals confidence or uncertainty in a person. The same principle applies here as with a smile. Raise your head and look forward, straighten your shoulders and straighten your back - you will feel that you are becoming taller, more significant, more confident. Come on, do it right now! At first it will be necessary to constantly monitor this position of the body, then it will appear good habit keep your posture. Remember, everyone. What is this compared to a whole life?!
3. It's time to start highlighting. It could be just relaxing or doing your favorite things. And no objections in style: “Well, there’s absolutely no time!” or “Yes, I don’t think I need it”- not accepted. You have the right to rest and personal time. And the more you highlight it, the more you will become convinced that you really deserve it. Enjoy happy moments!
4. Treat yourself and your body with pleasant treatments: massage, SPA, aromatic baths, etc. Do not forget that even after 50 years this issue is very relevant.
5. Do the following exercises:
   — Love your body!- Walk around the house naked for one day. Practice this once a week. This will help you accept yourself for who you are. This will relieve you from the embarrassment of being on the beach during the swimming season. Remember, the main rule: if you love yourself, others will love you.
   — Start the day with compliments!- We woke up. Let's go wash up. Smiled at yourself in the mirror. While brushing your teeth, say 3-5 compliments to yourself in your head!
   — Find the one!- ... the very phrase that would inspire you and give you strength and confidence. Perhaps you already have it in your arsenal, but you forget to repeat it to yourself. Print it out (you can use a color printer, in a beautiful font) and place it in a small frame near your bed. When you wake up in the morning, don’t forget to look at it and your day will start completely differently.
   — Feel free to receive compliments and gifts. Remember, you deserve the best! Accept it! Surely you have met people who, perhaps, do not have the appearance of a model, and do not shine with great intelligence, but who have all the blessings in this life. So, their self-esteem is fine and they know for sure that they deserve everything they have.

How to love yourself: be positive

1. Get involved and interested. A person who is “on fire” with something is always in a good mood and charged with positive energy. He has no time to be sad and worry about his shortcomings. Such people are enthusiastic and inspire others. They are satisfied with themselves, because they do what they like and get meaningful results. Therefore, it is important that you always have something you like.

Read more (mainly books), watch interesting programs and films, accumulate useful information, share it with others. This always promotes self-development.

1. Create more! The combination of reason and feelings allows us to realize interesting task- create. Some build, others draw, write books, design, and master culinary skills. The more we create, the more we value ourselves. And the more often we do this, the higher our level of skill, and this is always a reason to praise ourselves.
2. Do the following exercise. Write the same phrase several times on a piece of paper in a column: “I love...” (at least 20 times) and continue it. You can write whatever you want:
   - "I like ice cream",
   - “I like to smile at people”
   - “I love it when my baby laughs”
   - “I love to cook delicious food,” etc.
   Don't think too long about it. The more phrases you want to write, the better. Love always reflects powerful vital energy. The more we love everything and everyone around us, the more we are charged with this energy. We feel happier and respect ourselves.
3. Watch what you say. Your speech should be positive. Avoid phrases: “I don’t like myself,” “I don’t like myself,” “I’m not capable of...” and the like. On the contrary, constantly remind and inspire yourself: “I love myself”, “I respect myself”, “I am worthy of this”, “I can handle it”, etc. Thought is material, and any words affect your mood and state. Think of phrases like these as commands for action and sources of self-support. They have a scientific name - affirmations. Here are some examples:
   “I am full of energy and constantly developing”
   “There is peace and harmony in my soul,”
   "I like to do something nice for myself"
   “I know how to find an approach to any person.”

Keep a “Good Mood Notebook” and write down all the phrases that you like, that make you feel an influx of energy and make you take action.

How to love yourself while interacting with others

1. Communicate more. With your loved ones, friends, colleagues, and also with strangers. make new acquaintances, be the first to take the initiative! Communication develops speech, oratory skills, courage, and the ability to find an approach to different people and get them interested.
2. Give joy to others and do good deeds. Small gifts for relatives and friends, compliments and words of support, assistance in different situations– all this will help strengthen relationships with others and increase your self-esteem. And, of course, the feeling that we can make the world a kinder place adds to our self-love.
3. If you yourself experienced, as a child, a lack of love for yourself from loved ones, do not repeat this with your children.. It is important to realize this and forgive your parents, because they could have committed some actions due to lack of experience and the presence of various fears. Accept this and do not transfer your hidden negative feelings to your children. Agree that you are no longer that child, but a mature person who herself chooses the most favorable path for raising her descendants. What you instill in them and what feelings you give them will affect their development, attitude towards themselves and success in the future.

In addition to your decisive actions, you can read interesting and useful books on developing self-love by the following authors: “Reconciling body and spirit: 40 simple exercises”, Albin Michel, 2007, Louise L. Hay “Album of healing affirmations”, L. Breuning “ Hormones of happiness”, M.E. Litvak “If you want to be happy”, E. Muir “Self-confidence”, E. Lamott “Small victories”, N. Rein “How to love yourself, or Mom for the Inner Child”.

Especially for you, we have selected videos for you that will help you love yourself, accept yourself and forget words like “I don’t like myself.”

Louise Hay

Simple steps to love yourself and increase your self-esteem.

We are a mirror of relationships with our world. By accepting ourselves, we accept others. By loving ourselves, we love those around us. By establishing relationships with ourselves, we improve communication and mutual understanding with them, become kinder and attract positive energy into our lives.

The following articles will also help you accept yourself, learn something more about yourself and deal with the most common problems of every girl.

Various kinds of publications have long and firmly established themselves on our Russian book market, the meaning of which boils down to the fact that they are trying to teach us how to live correctly. Let’s leave it to the conscience of Western authors to have catchy book titles like “How to learn to love yourself,” “How to instantly get rich and become a powerful person,” or “How to succeed in life and make it more harmonious.”

It is clear that publishers are using bait titles to attract potential readers and increase future book circulation. But if it were only this... Alas! The paradox is that the psychology of Western thinking actually assumes that any problem can be solved, you just need to know how to approach it. Find the treasured key that opens this door. And find it as soon as possible. Time doesn't wait.

How to learn to love and be loved

Without going into the subtleties of the differences between Russian and Western types of thinking, we can confine ourselves to the well-known words of Rudyard Kipling: “West is West, East is East, and together they cannot come together.” This is the absolute truth, we really cannot come together either today or in the foreseeable future . It is often difficult for us to even understand each other... And such a complex question as how to learn to love yourself requires a very detailed approach.

American and European pragmatism approaches man as complex mechanism, where all the details are in clear interaction. This means that by influencing certain parts of this mechanism, you can achieve the desired result: “press the button - you will get the result, and your dream will come true.”

The Russian understanding of the human soul and psychology is traditionally different, sometimes paradoxical. It is not for nothing that the “mysterious Russian soul” has become a proverb; It’s not for nothing that “exotic” Russian classics are so popular in the West, upending all the usual ideas - Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov.

Truths like “wealth is good, poverty is evil”, “if you don’t get an adequate response from your loved one, break up with him”, etc. are ambiguous for us. The heroines and heroes of our favorite novels often behave irrationally, and this is their charm.

I dwelled on this in detail because I wanted to immediately warn the reader: do not delude yourself that you can instantly learn to love yourself and, like the Frog Princess from a fairy tale, shed your old skin and become a beautiful princess. The path to changing your own personality is long and difficult.

It is very important to understand how to achieve self-love and why. An ideal person in the understanding of Western authors, a person moves through life towards his goal, regardless of other people and circumstances. And he pops the obstacles and obstacles that arise like seeds, leaving those around him feeling of lightness shock and dizziness (from healthy pressure and pragmatism).

A striking example applied psychology in the American way - old Carnegie with his advice on influencing people and making friends (read “crutches” that will help you move forward in life) and countless remarks: “Smile, smile, smile...”

But we will take a different path, and Carnegie is not our decree. The Russian mentality is different. In our country, the most important thing has always been considered the inner, spiritual life of a person, and not wealth or career, although in Lately priorities have, of course, changed a lot.

Becoming a different person in my understanding does not mean turning into a soulless mechanism that actively reacts to external stimuli and quickly changes them in accordance with its goals and objectives.

Becoming a different person means realizing your “I”, your individuality and, ultimately, understanding what you really need from this life. Just for you, and not for mom, dad, neighbors, or work colleagues.

Why you need to love yourself

Why is this really important and why is the crisis in this sense beneficial and even necessary in order to generally learn to love yourself and improve your life? The fact is that a crisis is often an indicator that signals either that you are living incorrectly, or that you are confused in your life guidelines and do not know where to go next. It’s no secret that in fact most of us live according to the principle “like everyone else” or act under pressure from those people whose opinion is in this moment the most important.

Simple and clear example. You can't count the women who got married because:

1. “All my friends are in pairs, I’m the only one.” Disorder!
2. My mother, grandmother, aunt and my beloved dog Dzhulka liked it. I will not disappoint anyone and will bring joy to my mother, grandmother, aunt and beloved dog Dzhulka.
3. He was my friend's boyfriend, and I took him away from her. Wow, I'm cool! (As a rule, in such cases, a marriage falls apart at the speed of a meteorite rushing at full speed towards the Earth. Bam sir - and fall! Lord, who is this next to me?! What kind of horror in the flesh is this?! Get out ! Shoot!)
4. He walked and walked with me, and then he married Svetka, whom I considered mine best friend. I cried and cried and finally decided to marry Kolya, who had been courting me for a long time. I'll show everyone that I'm not alone! Kolya, come here, I’ll make you happy now...

The situations are very familiar. Perhaps one of them is yours. How can you learn to love yourself? Speaking seriously, it turns out that we live some part of our lives, as if paying tribute to other people’s schemes, without thinking about whether we really want this? Perhaps, if we had asked ourselves this question and tried to answer it honestly, we would have acted differently and would not have reaped after some time the bitter fruits of our own stupidity or, more precisely, irresponsibility. How can we make sure that no one can manipulate us and impose their thoughts and actions?

To do this, you must first of all learn to love yourself, say “no,” defending your right to your own understanding of life and, what is also important, precious time, of which each of us is not given so much. Remember a few simple rules.

Before you take on any task, think carefully: do you need it, or is it a well-camouflaged task from a friend, colleague, or just an acquaintance.

Having realized that you, by and large, do not need this, politely refuse, but do not apologize or invent excuses for yourself - in this case, you will still experience a latent feeling of guilt; which means that next time they will push you harder, and you will agree.

Remember that the refusal should be polite but firm. You must demonstrate your position to the interlocutor and let him understand: persuading you is a waste of time.

Why can't you love yourself?

Why is it important to be able to say “no” when someone is trying to take advantage of you? Yes, because this is your first step towards clearly delineating the boundaries of your personality. In this way, you, as it were, create a space for yourself in which from now on you will act at your own discretion and in accordance with your needs.

Therefore, we will still have to learn this most difficult of arts - self-love. And there is no escape from this. A crisis is like a desperate SOS signal that our “I” sends to us, begging us to pay attention to it. Where to start? How to learn to love yourself?

With a little psychological warm-up, which should be done every day at any convenient time. For some it will be better to do this in the morning, before the start of the working day, for others - in the evening before bed.

You must stand in front of a large mirror and look at yourself carefully. Imagine that in place of your reflection is an unfamiliar woman whom you are seeing for the first time. Here it is very important to step back from yourself, as if to leave the boundaries of the body and observe yourself from the outside. Only in this case the exercise will be effective. Slowly move your gaze over yourself, starting with your feet. Look at every part of your body with admiring eyes, find something beautiful in it and express your admiration out loud or to yourself. For example:

I like my legs, they are slender and long (option: not very long, but beautifully shaped, etc.) I look and admire them, I like that they are tireless and often help me out in life. I like to highlight their shape and beauty, so I wear miniskirts (long skirts with a sexy cut, tight pants).

I like my hands, narrow graceful fingers, reminiscent of the noble hands of a pianist (soft rounded hands, like Titian’s women). I enjoy sliding my fingers across the computer keyboard, at this moment I admire them. I also like to look at my hands at breakfast when I drink coffee...

How to learn to love yourself? There are many options here. The main thing is that the words come from your soul; sincere, trusting intonation is important here; you are talking with your body and admiring it. You look at him from the position of a man in love, who is awed and moved by absolutely everything, and he is ready to tirelessly lavish compliments on his beloved.

Let's move on to the face. You must find some zest in it, something that is unique to you and no one else. You should never compare yourself to someone, either in your thoughts or out loud. This applies not only to movie stars or catwalk beauties, but also to the people around you.

If you look at your appearance from these perspectives, you can always find a woman who has something better than you. Marina B. has longer legs, and Tanya P. has a more beautiful face shape. You need to fall in love with yourself, with who you are.

Of course, you can engage in self-improvement, go to fitness clubs or attend aerobics classes, but in no case should you think that happiness will come when you achieve an ideal figure. Firstly, an ideal is an ideal because it is difficult to achieve. Secondly, fashion for one or another body type is constantly changing. And thirdly, where is the guarantee that the taste of your chosen one coincides with your chosen ideal?

You will have to learn to love yourself here and now. If in the fifties of the last century the standard for women and a dream for men globe was Marilyn Monroe with her rounded shapes, then in the sixties the whole world was shocked by the Englishwoman Mary Quant, who invented the miniskirt as a symbol female sexuality and independence.

The extravagant Englishwoman brought to the catwalk the new model Twiggy, who resembled a teenage girl with flat chested and skinny thighs. And it seems that the fashion world is still suffering from twiggymania, although lately in life and in the modeling business there has been a return to a more feminine silhouette.

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem

Take a closer look at yourself in the mirror. Not once or twice. Realize your individuality and praise your face precisely for its uniqueness. You won't need much time.

After you have been regularly doing this psychological exercise for two or three weeks, you can move on to positive attitudes for every day. I would call this exercise " good mood"or "sunny bunny".

We seem to charge ourselves with good positive energy for the whole day. Why don't I give this exercise right away? The fact is that tuning into creating your own positive image requires so much emotional strength that it is better to focus only on it at first. Only after mastering the first psychological exercise, move on to the next one.

In the morning, without getting out of bed, stretch and say to yourself: “ Good morning" Then close your eyes and imagine a green summer meadow, generously flooded with sun. Imagine it in detail: tall, bright green grass, where strawberry bushes, dark red berries, lilac-violet bells, pink clover, yellow buttercups lurk...

Feel the smell of herbs and fragrant flowers heated by the sun. Feel this life-giving energy flowing into you (green and yellow are the most therapeutic colors). With every cell of your body you feel warmth and light, it’s as if you are bathing in this stream of dazzling light...

Lie like this for ten minutes, then slowly get out of this state and go about your morning routine. Don’t think about the work ahead, or about any worries of the coming day, or even about the fact that you urgently need to learn to love yourself. You must cross the threshold of your apartment in a state that you have just created for yourself.